rinney- mr bipolar (2)

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Tw- bipolar, self harm & talk about suicide
please let me know if i forgot anything:)

He finished the eggs and topped them with some black pepper and pink salt, just the way Finney liked it. In addition, he made some toast and poured him a glass of apple juice. Finney was so skinny. He had lost so much weight because he didn't have the energy to cook or because he felt like he didn't deserve to eat.

"Finn! Your breakfast is ready! Are you almost done?"

No reply. Robin's heart picked up.

"Finn?!"

Nothing.

Robin ran straight to the bathroom and opened the door aggressively.

Finney was sitting in the shower with a razor blade in hand. He was crying.

The first thing Robin did was check for cuts on his body, but found none. "What are you doing?" he asked gently, trying to keep his cool as best as he could. He opened the shower door and kneeled beside Finney.

"I'm sorry. I don't wanna be here anymore," Finney sobbed as he hugged Robin's shoulders sloppily, wetting his clothes.

Robin had a knot in his throat. "Did you cut yourself baby?"

Finney pulled away. "No. No, I swear I didn't. But I wanted to. So badly, Rob," he wailed.

"Where did you find this blade?"

Finney looked away.

"Finn, please. Be honest with me."

"I keep it in my wallet. I have some others."

"Okay," Robin nodded. "Y'know you're gonna have to give them to me, right?"

Finney blinked and more tears ran down his red face. "I do. I'm so sorry for keeping them! I am!"

Robin knew the disorder was bigger than him and that he had no reason to apologise. "Baby, hold on." He got rid of his clothes and got under the shower spray.

Carefully, he retrieved the blade from Finney's hand and tossed it in the bin. Then, he lifted Finney up from the floor. "Can you stand up?"

"Yeah," Finney breathed out. "I'm not as tired today."

Robin kissed his lips. He reached out for the shampoo and poured some on his hands. "I miss washing your pretty hair."

Finney giggled like a teenage boy. "You're so nice to me. Almost seems like you love me or something."

Robin smiled and proceeded to wash Finney's unruly curls. He massaged his scalp softly and ran his short nails across his nape.

He washed Finney's entire body with his favourite lavender soap, which he gifted to him because lavender is supposed to ease anxiety or so he read on the internet. Finney let himself be handled as Robin washed his armpits, his private parts, and his calves.

"You baby me a lot," Finney casually mentioned. It didn't sound like a complaint.

"Well, I just enjoy taking care of you."

Finney hummed as Robin rinsed him off. "Do you think I can have some ice chips for my wrists?"

It had been a long time since Finney had asked to rub ice on his skin to prevent him from cutting. Robin didn't think that the urge was that bad. "Yeah," he agreed. "That's a great idea."

"I'll draw butterflies on them, too. Just in case."

"You do that baby. Oh, your eggs have gone cold by now," Robin lamented.

"It's okay. I'd rather have your magical hands on me than eat eggs."

Robin finished rinsing him off and helped him get out of the shower. He wrapped Finney up in a fuzzy towel and led him to the bedroom.

There, he picked out a nice outfit for him – his plain green jumper, some plain baggy jeans, and his favourite favourite shoes.

Finney gave him a thumbs up. "You're getting better at this fashion thing."

"Stop." Robin blushed. "I'm quite the fashionista, you should know."

Finnsy got dressed and they decided to just grab a protein shake from the fridge and head straight to the park so they wouldn't miss the sun. Robin handed Finney his lithium pill with some coconut water, and they got on their way.

"What are we doing there?" Finney asked as they held hands on their promenade.

Robin hummed in consideration. "Just watch the little squirrels and enjoy the vitamin D."

"There's another kind of vitamin D I like."

Robin cackled, but he was also so happy that Finney's libido was making a tiny appearance. They hadn't had sex in so long because Finney's medications were jeopardising his libido. Robin was more than understanding, but he did miss it.

"Alright, you menace."

"No, seriously. I feel like sucking you off later, if that's okay," Finney didn't laugh.

"Yeah? Okay, baby." Robin pecked Finney's pink lips. "But it's fine if you don't wanna."

"I know," Finney smiled.

They walked in silence, just enjoying each other's company.

The rest of the day, to Robin's relief, was uneventful. Finney fed the squirrels some bread crumbs, and took some pictures under the trees. Robin knew he wasn't happy, but it was so refreshing to see that he was being able to exist without constantly flagellating his existence. Finney was bursting with the remains of life that he still had inside him. Robin even thought he saw Finney's shy dimples make an appearance.

It wasn't okay. And it wouldn't be until they got the medication right, and the flashbacks went away, and Finney could get a job again. But it was such a warm feeling to enjoy life together, and to be able to find comfort in being sad. Robin still had a lot to learn, and Finney still had to grow to figure out how to coexist with his disorder.

But they had each other, always and forever, cold eggs and razor blades. It was okay that it wasn't okay.

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