The Badboy's Heartbeat [BxB] √

CHAPTER 28

XAVIER ROCKWELL

I fucked it up. I fucked it up big time.

The words kept on echoing back and forth inside my head even after I almost beaten the shit out of Nixon for trying harassing Jordi. There's utterly no room for me to deny the absolute fact that I was the worst in that moment, even far worse than Nixon to be quite exact. I just stood frozen solid and watched Jordi get bullied by the people that I know. This isn't news and I know I'm mainly part of the reason why they're so up into Jordi's ass. I was first one who started bullying the guy and I don't even know why I was doing that in the first place. Perhaps, I just wanted to feel good about myself because I haven't been.

I'm entirely aware of the lingering fact that I'm sandwiched in between. There's just so much confusion and conflict that I got lost in the middle of this vast ocean. On the left side of the trench, I have my best friends Nixon and Darren. I have been friends with them for a long while and even though I'm starting to get a good sense of what's actually happening, I know that we've gone through a lot. All three of us had a lot of fun and thrilling memories together and I'm not just going to forget about all of that. But then on the right side there's Jordi Adkins, the guy who got me intrigued and the guy who got me thirsty for some reason. Within just a single night, he made me question my entire sexuality and I might be gay but who gives a single bag of crap about it anymore. I like him, I really do. It's turned out that he's more than the loser that I used to know and bully him for. There's a whole lot of Jordi that I wanted to get to know more. I wanted to create some fun memories with him.

I found myself smoking alone here at the old abandoned factory. I didn't want to hang out with Nixon and Darren under the bridge and so I decided to bring myself here just because it's the only place that I know. There are a lot of kids like me here, kids that are smokers and whatnot. Some of them are from other schools and some are even from the other town. This place is like a melting pot of troubled kids from all over town.

Having this time alone with my own self, I had the free time to talk to myself. I know I fucked things up a while ago and that should probably the end of my relationship with Jordi. By this point, he must already be planning on slitting my throat once he gets the chance. I don't know, maybe I'm just going to let that happen because the universe is th clear witness that I'm part of the reason why that happened.

I have been secretly imagining myself hanging out with Jordi. I just got a simple taste of spending time with him and it was the best kind of feeling in the world. I don't know why I'm feeling nervous and yet generally happy whenever I'm talking to him but it's the kind of feeling that I want. When I'm with him, I'm not worrying about anything even knowing the fact that he hated me for the longest time that I've known him.

The truth is, it felt gut-wrenching that things got ruined because of my own doing. How difficult could it be for me to step in and tell my friends to stay the fuck away from the guy that I like?

I'm not quite really a chain-smoker myself. I only learned smoking because of my mom but I really began smoking when I became friends with Nixon and Darren. Usually I'm more than satisfied with one or two sticks of cigarette a day but the anxiety that I'm having right now just forced me to have my third stick.

By the time I got relatively bored sitting on my spot by this old dilapidated bus, I decided to climb above the roof of the building. This whole abandoned factory and its surroundings had a lot of hiding spot and that's most definitely one of the reason why teenagers like me loves to hang out here. There's plenty of spaces to hide and do their own stuff.

When I finally reached the roof, I was more than surprised to see two boys kissing each other. I don't know why I'm surprised, perhaps it's because I haven't seen two guys kissing each other with my own eyes apart from me actually kissing Jordi. I instantly recognized one of them but I just forgot his name. They were both momentarily startled when they saw me but then they both ignored my presence and resumed their intimate interaction with each other's mouth.