The Badboy's Heartbeat [BxB] √

CHAPTER 35

XAVIER ROCKWELL

I feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind and I just want to start over again but it's not going to happen. I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of the sea and there's no one there trying to rescue me other than myself.

As the rush of alcohol entered my system, I began to feel like the entire world was plotting against me. For starters, I never wished to be born in a family that's brazenly defined by the word complicated. Not only that my dad's a cheating spineless bastard but my mom's also a sunken shipwreck and that leaves me, a fucking mess. To make matters even worse, I'd have to live my life like I'm always out for myself.

Life's really quite an unpredictable rollercoaster riddled with ups and downs and spirals, and perhaps I'm taking that ride with my mom. In spite of that, I feel like I'm all alone on this ride.

To be perfectly honest with myself, I haven't met someone that I truly liked before and that's until the moment I got trapped in Jordi's mouth. I never knew kissing him would drastically alter my perception of him as a person. I know I used to hate him and that I used to take pleasure in watching him suffer but perhaps I was only misinterpreting my feelings. Maybe I was really into him and I just didn't want to admit that to myself because I haven't really fallen for someone like that ever before. But now, I guess I'm okay to say that I'm into Jordi and I know that now because I've seen myself and how I'm happy every time I'm spending time with him.

Jordi's definitely the cutest and the most adorable boy that I've met in my entire life. that alone was making me feel enthralled to be with him. There's something in him that's indescribably warm and gentle and adorable all at the very same time. He's like an indie song that I don't know the title of but I know how he sounds and how he feels as a mood. With all of the being said, I feel like shit knowing that I fucked things up when I'm aware I don't have lots of chances.

With my sixth refill, I had to find somewhere else peaceful so that I could bask in my own feelings. I sat by the pool with my feet dipped under the cold water. I could still hear the loud music coming from inside the house but it's a bit toned down now that I'm all alone. I'm already feeling dizzy because of the alcohol but I'm also having a lot of feelings coalescing all at once.

I don't know if I could ever repair my relationship with Jordi ever again and I'm honestly scared as fuck. I have been in many life-threatening situations before but I haven't been shit scared like this before. This was another reason that I'm starting to believe the world's plotting against me. The odds don't look like it wants to let me feel loved when I just want to love and be loved. I haven't felt loved in a very long time and I almost thought I've forgotten what it feels like to be loved but maybe I haven't yet.

I'm not going to give up on Jordi just yet. I'm entirely aware of the truth that it's going to be an uphill battle but I'm going to try my best. Quitting is never a word in my vocabulary.

When I went back inside the house, the party was still sizzling and almost everybody is drunk and tipsy. I noticed Nikki in one corner stomping her heels and she was dancing with Levi of all people, she seemed to be having more fun though. Kyle was on the couch smoking something. Chad on the other hand was talking to this sexy college girl who looked like she's way too old for him but who gives a damn about who Chad's hitting on. After a few moments, I saw Chad and the girl as they were climbing their way upstairs. I guess someone's getting fucking laid tonight, it's unfortunate that it ain't me but at least I know I'm free as a bird. I immediately knew that's my chance to get out of this place. I've already had enough alcohol and it's still quite early. I could still talk to Jordi.

Just when I opened the front door, Zacheus showed up for the first time.

"Zach!!!" I exclaimed. "Where the hell have you been, man?" I asked noting the fact that he went missing and Chad's also been looking for him.