The Badboy's Heartbeat [BxB] √

CHAPTER 92

XAVIER ROCKWELL

The dinner with my dad's family did not go well just as I was expecting it. The tension within the family was very much evident from the get go. I may have unconsciously observed everything.

My dad and his wife Rachel doesn't have the best relationship of husband and wife and anyone could've guessed that right away. They weren't very subtle with how they're treating each other even right in front of their children. In fact, I do remember my dad somehow loved my mother in a very different sense than what I just witnessed between him and his original wife and the mother of his three children. In this world, while it's very much common that patriarchy is ruling, I have sensed Rachel was also after the money.

Xiomara was that one member of the family who just doesn't know how to adjust and is charged up with built-up anger and some nasty attitude. She hated everything and everyone. I'm personally giving her the benefit of the doubt because I don't have any idea of the things that she's been through. She seemed like she needed help and I don't even know her as a person. Xander on the other hand seemed like that one son who was being pushed to be this and that. However, he just doesn't have the talent and falls short every single time. He's also that person who wanted to do something different with his life but people keep on pushing him on different routes that just doesn't suit him. And then there was Xenna, she's still quite the youngest so I don't have anything else to say to her except that she's way too innocent for all of the drama that's surrounding the family.

Maybe I should just ask for God not to make me his brave seemingly indestructible soldier again for next year. I know the only way to reach the man upstairs was through the invisible line they call prayer. I think I'm going to have to do that because I'm so over everything. I've fought so many battles within a decade and while I'm very glad and thankful that I'm still breathing air on this place they call earth, I'm not so sure if I could take any more battles. I've been front and center to many battles and a lot of battlegrounds have seen my might. Well, I'm not so mighty anymore. The bad boy in me is more than ready to take a step back. I do think that I'm starting to lose interest in fighting back just because I'm not gaining anything in the end. I always lose the fight and I don't even have any idea when will I finally win the war.

When I retreated back to my bed, I was already exhausted. I ran out of fume that I just fell down on my bed face first. The smell of newly bought stuff immediately invaded my nostrils. I feel super drained mostly because I had to be incredibly patient with these people that I'm interacting with. I was very much respectful and toned down with my reactions and choice of words. I don't even know what has gotten into me lately. I would usually be the rebellious one but here I am trying to be the good one. I'm usually not that kind of person and I just learned that it takes so much energy for someone like me to be that much chained to a certain character.

I closed my eyes and I was slowly thinking of falling asleep. This was absolutely a long day and I just want to rest but then I suddenly remembered what my dad said to me.

"I'm going to send you to study in London."

His words echoed at the back of my head and I don't know if my dad was really serious when he said he was going to send me to study in London. For what? Is he planning on making me some sort of his investment? Is he really planning on handing everything to me when he doesn't even me and the fact that I hated him for the longest time? I'm not going to be the person who's going to shoulder everything that's tagged with the Rockwell's name. I don't want any of that responsibilities in my hand. I know I'm not capable of anything but failure and destruction. Those are the only things that I'm good at.

The truth of the matter is; I don't want to go anywhere else other than stay in this shitty city. I don't want to leave this place because this is the only place that I know so far and I'm afraid to be thrown away to a certain place where I don't have anywhere else to run to when I feel so angry and sad. Apart from those, I have lots and lots of memories here. Good or bad ones, I have them here, I experienced all of them here and even though most of them are quite painful, I still treasure all of the best moments of my life in this city. Plus, he has got to force me really bad if he really wants me to study abroad.

Xander's birthday was the following day and I wasn't exactly sure if I should go out of my room and possibly meet another batch of strangers or if I should just stay locked up inside this room like a prisoner. If I go out, I'm afraid I'm going to have to pull that congenial mask again and I already know doing that shit is draining to the core.

The day rolled over and I already know the preparation for Xander's birthday was a hectic one. I opted not to show up for breakfast and I was more than astonished that no one even looked for me but in the end, I was thankful no one tried to bother me. Thankfully, I've got everything that I need inside my room. My dad even got me a mini fridge that stored some fresh produce and some liquid in it that I didn't have the need to bring myself to the kitchen to find something to eat. I only tried to go downstairs once after lunch hoping to find my dad's wife and have a conversation with her but I was immediately forced back inside my room when I saw her all tangled up with managing the people around. She was all sweaty and oily which meant she's been preparing for this birthday as if this was something as grand as a wedding or something.

I know I heard it was Xander's twenty-first birthday and maybe they are going to celebrate this seemingly milestone-ish day for him. I heard loud and clamoring noises of people running around and screaming to do this and do that. As I got back to my bedroom I could still hear people yelling. Through the window, I could see people running around fixing some decorations. I don't know what exactly the theme was but I guess it has something to do with the color yellow because it's the on-going theme that I have observed. I ended up playing PlayStation up until the moment Xander knocked on my door.

"Hey, happy birthday buddy!" I greeted him the moment I opened the door.

"T-thanks, man." He invited himself inside. "I just came here for some air. I've been overwhelmed with anxiety lately."

"W-why? What's the matter?" I inquired seemingly confused. He just revealed to me that he's been stressed out and I guess he was really just good at hiding his thoughts and emotions out because I never noticed it in the beginning. "Did something happen?"

"Nah, it's just that after this, I'll be on my own." He muttered letting out a deep and heavy sigh.

"Oh. What does that supposed to mean?"

"It means that dad's going to kick me out of the house." Xander divulged before eventually starting to wander around my room. "Damn, you really got the biggest room that I've been begging dad for."

"I-I... Would you like to switch?"

"Nah, it doesn't matter. I'll be moving to your condo after my birthday anyway. I hope that place brings me luck on my journey towards adulthood." He replied.

"What? Dad's going to give you that place?" I was more than shocked to learn this. I may have started to connect the dots now.

"Yeah, did he not tell you?"

"No." I shook my head because I firmly don't remember anything about this being mentioned to me.

"Well, if you don't know dad quite yet, I'm going to give you a heads up before you get really mad pissed at him." He went on giving me a forced smile. Little did he know, I already hate dad. I'm just trying to be the bigger person at this point in my life because being angry has not done anything good to me. "Dad really really really likes to surprise people." He stressed out.

"Fuck." I cursed out under my breath.

"He's going to make a decision on his own and then decides to drop the bomb on you when you don't have any other options to run to."

Xander and I ended up playing smash bros and I would say that he was really good at it except that I may have edged him a bit in terms of tactics and strategies. I haven't even played the game in a very long time but I'm literally surprised that I'm doing well at it without even knowing it.

After taking so many unfortunate loses, Xander got frustrated and ended up leaving me alone.