The Badboy's Heartbeat [BxB] √

CHAPTER 33

JORDI ADKINS

The floor doesn't look very friendly with all of the dirt and the soda that was spilled but at this point, it's the only friend that I have left other than myself. I sat on my knees for quite a while and helplessly watched as Chad and the rest of the senior members of the soccer team slowly walk out of my sight. Chad was holding Xavier by the arm most of the time and that sort of sealed the deal for me.

No more Xavier Rockwell for me, I guess.

Perhaps, I've been overly delusional with things between Xavier and I that I never really thought this through. Xavier and I are both living in two different worlds now that I'm beginning to think of it. He's way too popular and I'm just the little gay loser that almost every single heterosexual man loved to poke fun at just because I don't have the ability to fight back.

I can't even get over this rising thought that maybe, just maybe, Xavier and I aren't really going to work out. We are never going to be written in the stars and while that hurts like crazy, I'm going to have to accept that truth at some point in time.

I picked up myself and although I really wanted to cry and have a full on breakdown at this moment, I'm still very much aware that I'm still out in public and I needed to be stronger. I don't want to embarrass myself even more than this. Maybe Nikki was right that I should've not given Xavier the attention that I gave him because while he doesn't have many cards to play in that shitty situation, he could've at least done something to make the situation less shitty. I got cornered in that moment and while I still have a little fight left in me, Chad and Kyle were just intimidating that I ended up losing and getting owned.

That shitty turn of events was one of the things that I never ever expected to happen this day. I'm thoroughly enjoying my time with Xavier and I'm more than ready to continue with this day by his side. I'm even thinking of kissing him again but now I have to forget about it. And perhaps Jane was wrong and Xavier doesn't deserve another chance from me. What happened today was just a proof that Xavier will still choose his own self over me and that I'll always have to fight for myself.

The reality hurts more than when Xavier beat the shit out of me but I don't want to accept the truth. I'm clearly feeling crestfallen but I don't want to accept the fact that I'm going to have to stay away from Xavier from this point on. I'm already starting to fall for the guy and it's crazy because no one has ever made my heart beat so freaking fast like him. No one has ever made me feel special like the guy. No one has ever made me feel those butterflies on the pits of my stomach. No one has ever made me feel excited. No one has ever kissed me like the way Xavier did.

I took a heavy sigh and began walking knowing that there's no more watching Knives Out and that there's no more hanging out with Xavier. I took the tickets that we bought out of my pocket and began ripping it into shreds. With the current frustration that I'm feeling, I ripped the paper into bits and pieces.

I am a literal mess right now and I can't even look at the people who were watching me rip the tickets. Not only that I'm feeling pissed but I'm also sad and crestfallen. I'm clearly wet and feeling much rather sticky from the soda that Chad had poured all over me. It kind of gave me a quick flashback to that time when Xavier poured juice all over me and I went home crying because I felt miserable and really sticky.

At this point, I just want to run away and cry somewhere else. It's already dark and I'm afraid I'm going to have to bring myself home because no one would do it other than me.

"JORDI!!!" I heard a familiar voice from behind and when I turned around, I saw Zacheus Riley running towards me. "I think you forgot this!" Zach was holding the Pikachu plushy that Xavier won from the claw machine.