The Badboy's Heartbeat [BxB] √

CHAPTER 34

XAVIER ROCKWELL

How many times have I fucked up in this lifetime? Definitely a lot of fucking times. If I'm going to count those times that I've fucked up with my fingers, I'm going to need more fingers and even more toes at that. Even so, this was the one time that I didn't want to fuck things up. After what happened the first time, I swore to myself that I'm never going to fuck shit up with Jordi. I quickly repaired the bridge right before it collapses but things just went south right now and I might have actually burned that same exact bridge.

I should probably kill myself right now. There's no point in breathing more oxygen when I know I've already destroyed my relationship with Jordi just by simply doing nothing at all. The mere fact that I never did anything to stop or even at least distract Chad from pouring that soda right on Jordi's head or even forcing Jordi to kiss his shoe was an unforgivable crime.

When Chad showed up out of the blue, I almost want to grab Jordi's hand and run away with him but I got frozen solid again. I' entirely aware of it and that's what made this whole fiasco terrifying. Chad Millstone's not the type of person you could easily evade most especially when he simply bares all of the power to turn things against you. Although I really wanted to step in and beat the shit out of Chad's ass, my fate is just resting in his hands and I got afraid about it. Chad's such a papa's boy, everybody on the team knew that and everybody just tolerates him because they all want to be part of the team. If I break his nose, not only that I'm going to get kicked out of the team but I would also lose my scholarship. Most of the players in our team have been tired of Chad's nasty attitude but everyone's just playing it cool mostly because they all want to stay in the team.

I got extremely terrified in the moment and if I could just vanish out in the open world, I would love to just pop out and disappear. Thinking between helping Jordi out and the fate of my life, I got petrified by the thoughts. The man upstairs obviously knows that I truly wanted to jump out there and help Jordi out. I got my fist clenched behind my back but the biggest part of me was thinking about what would happen if I act like a reckless jerk. I'm already a jerk myself but I realized I can't afford to lose my scholarship.

I got squashed in the middle of everything and I was forced to choose between two things that are important in my life. Unfortunately, I had to choose my scholarship even though it's agonizing to let my heart suffer for that. It fucking hurts to see Jordi get bullied. While I was watching Jordi kiss Chad's shoe, I realized that I was truly a horrible person towards him way back then and I might not forgive myself for all of that. I was in a different point of view and my eyes just witnessed how I was treating Jordi and I instantly thought it's never okay to treat someone like shit especially when they don't have the power to fight for their own.

After that unfortunate debacle with Chad and Jordi, I eventually found myself at a house party with the rest of the senior members of the football team. I don't even know why I allowed myself to come here with all of these stupid people. Perhaps, that's because Chad's been essentially holding me hostage as if I'm going anywhere. And maybe he was right because I really do want to go somewhere. I was planning on ditching the group to find Jordi but that plan never happened.

On our way here, Chad kept on probing me if I was really hanging out with Jordi. He was mostly being aggressively homophobic and exasperating about it that I had to keep my word as solid as the ground. He's trying to get me somehow but for what?

I don't really know if Chad has some sort of secret vendetta against me but if he's seriously harboring some sort of ill-intentions towards me, I think I might have an idea as to why. I'm not bragging about it but the fact that I've played and won more matches than Chad might be the reason why. I know Chad's the spoiled son of coach Millstone but our coach also wanted to win and he's more than self-aware that his worthless son is truly worthless. Coach Millstone kept on pushing his son only for Chad to gravely fail him every single time and most of us suffered from that inability to perform. We've always come short. If not a runner-up, we always get cut at fourth place to every single tournament that we were in.