Hidebound

Chapter EightySeven

"You look lovely, honey" the edge of my mouth wobbles into a smile at mums compliment but I can see it in her eyes. Even though she means it; she said it in an attempt to stop me from going into a complete breakdown.

The zero sleep I had attained last night had only made me feel worse but I can't do anything about it now except move forward, just like I'll have to do after today.

I run my hands down the soft fabric of the dress that hugs me and take a deep breath.

Mum tries to get me to eat something before we leave but I can't; if I do I know it will be brought up everywhere.

I feel a surge of confidence after a small prep talk in my bedroom but it all leaves me when I take a step out of the front door. I freeze in spot and suddenly I can't breathe but somehow air keeps filling my lungs.

I jump when mum places a hand on my shoulders but I don't break the stare I have on the car in the driveway.

My legs shake at the knees and I feel like they could give in at any moment. My hand moves to my stomach when I feel it drop.

"You don't have to go, honey" mum whispers from beside me as her hand wraps tightly around my forearm. She must see the ghost white look to my face and fears me fainting.

My eyes zone in on Brian as he moves ahead of us and gets the car started. He's coming in the courtroom this time, for fear that he'll need to help mum drag me out kicking and screaming. I know I won't react like that and mum hadn't flat out said it but I know she fears I'll loose my mind.

Our bond had weakened, I hadn't spoken to Hex in just over four months now and I hadn't touched him in longer. It had been excruciating at first but now the pain is a dull stab to the chest whenever he's mentioned, even if my mind, body and soul still yearns for him. It always will, even if I go years without him.

"Poppy?" I jump out of my thoughts when mum squeezes my arm.

"Uh, yeah yeah. I'll be okay, don't worry mum" I reassure her. My face must have gained back some colour because she lets me walk down the front steps as she locks the front door.

"Hey mum?" I call as I shield my eyes from the blinding sun. It's unreasonably warm today and it's making me uncomfortable and anxious. I never liked the heat.

Mum turns to look at me, her hand coming up to her face to block the sun as she slowly walks down the steps. "Yeah?"

"Thank you for coming with me" I choke down the lump that forms in my throat and give her the best smile I can muster.

I know I have Harley to lean on in the courtroom but I need my mum today.

The sun in her eyes makes her watery eyes much more noticeable but she holds them back and I'm thankful; if she cries I know I'll be next.

I lean into her when she wraps her arm around my shoulders and pulls me in, her lips find my forehead as she stands on her tip-toes to reach.

"I'd do anything for you, Poppy" she whispers and squeezes me close again. She rocks me for a moment before pulling back, swiping the bangs from her forehead.

"I know" I say quietly. Mum gazes at me with nothing but love for a moment, but the sympathy and sadness for me also sits in the back and I have to look away.

I start to pull away but stop when mum tightens her grip on me. I look back at her face, only to see her looking past me, her face turning stoic and her jaw clenching.

I follow her gaze and freeze up.

"What's he doing here?" I whisper. Brian hadn't noticed as he now sits in the car, waiting for us. "Did you call him?" I ask.

"No honey" mum states firmly "I'll tell him to leave" she moves to walk past me but I stop her.

"No it's fine. I'll see what he wants" she looks at me like she's not sure; like she's worried he will send me over the edge before we're even in the courtroom.

"Are you sure?" She pulls her eyebrows together in concern.

I nod and squeeze her hand before walking across the yard and towards the street.

"What are you doing here?" I ask. I wasn't even aware he knew where mum lives.

He leans against his car with his arms crossed. His face is scowling or maybe he's just squinting from the sun, I don't know. He looks just how he did last time I saw him, plus the new wedding band on his ring finger.

He shrugs "I don't know."

I roll my eyes when he gives me nothing, I don't know what I was expecting.

"Get out of here, dad" I shake my head and turn my back on him.

"Look, Poppy, I just want to talk" I'm not anxious or worried anymore, I'm frustrated and angry and it's only rising.

"You've had so long to talk dad, now really isn't a good time" I make it to the other side of the road before he stops me again.

"I heard what happened" I stop, my eyes set on Brian's car as mum stands by the passenger door, watching closely. I take a deep breath and turn around to face him.

I cross my arms and watch as he takes me in. I've undoubtably changed since he last saw me at my wedding, especially in the last four months. And I watch as worry and surprise takes over his face. I've lost weight from worries and I know it's changed my face structure, the tight dress showcasing my body.

"I just wanted to sa-" I cut him off.

"I don't want to hear it" I state firmly.

"Poppy" his tone switches to a warning once I speak over him "I just wanted to say -" he repeats "- that I'm sorry for the way everything turned out." I continue staring at him. I've never heard the word sorry leave his mouth before in my life. I'm sure I heard a quiet gasp from mum behind me too.

Sorry for what though? Sorry for how he had acted? Sorry for being a horrible father? Sorry for treating Hex like shit on his shoe?

"Dad, I don't ca-" he stops me with a raised hand and I can see he hasn't changed much from the father I've always had. I don't know how mum put up with him for so long.

"I'm sorry for the way I treated your Darling and I'm sorry for what has happened since" I swallow thickly. I guess he still doesn't think he's done anything wrong by mum or I. Something about the way he wont say Hex's name rubs me the wrong way too but maybe I'm just being pessimistic.

I rub my forehead roughly, a headache starting before we've even left the house.

I take a deep breath and look down the street, waiting for an oncoming car to pass before turning back to dad. He remains silent as he waits for me to say something.

"We have to go, honey" mum calls from behind me. She's right we've spent far too long messing around.

I turn around without another word and make my way to Brian's car. Mum slips into the passenger seat and closes the door behind her.

I pause when I reach for the door handle and look back. Dad is still standing there, watching us and I shield my eyes from the sun.

"Maybe you were right" I say loud enough for him to hear across the street.

He pushes off his car and opens the car door, giving me one last look before getting in.

"I don't think I was" he says and drives down the street.

"Come on, honey" I open the car and get in with a final breath.