Dark past, Bright Future.

[2] - Teenage Years

The next two years of my life were some of my darkest. I felt there was no point in continuing. I no longer had any joy. I started to become friends with the beatings in a twisted way they were the only constant in my life. I stoped fighting them I just took them. They became part of my regular routine.

Wake up.
Get ready for school.
Catch mum before she goes to work.
Get beat.
Hide the bruises.
Go to school.
Go to football.
Come home.
Mum returns from work.
Get beat.
Sleep.
Repeat.

When I was 16 things started to look up for a while. I was seeing the school counsellor. Although I never dared tell her about my mother. I told her about my father and my mental health. She diagnosed me with B.P.D and D.D It was just words to me.

The thing that helped me the most was my football I played it since I was 11 trying to avoid mum. I guess I had been so distracted with everything I hadn't realised how good I had got. I had been playing for a local club for a number of years which my PE teacher had helped me get into. One day scouts came to one of our games and I was invited to Glasgow City training. They ended up offering me a part time contract it wasn't a lot hardly anything and certainly not enough to live off of but that wasn't important to me.

For the first time in my life I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. I had a plan. I wasn't gonna tell my mum about the contract or the money. I would save it all for two seasons till I was 18 and i would move out. I would put up with the abuse for two years and then be free I mean what was two years I had already done it for about 10.

But of course my hopes were destroyed a couple months later. There is a couple details of my life that I have yet to mention as they haven't been relevant but now they are. Firstly my mother is heavily religious, which explains why she didn't just leave my father she believed a marriage was for life and a woman is second class to her husband. Now this is relevant because the other thing I haven't mentioned is I'm gay.

Obviously I never told my mother this. So when she came home from work early one day and caught me kissing a girl she lost it.
Once she calmly told the girl to leave. She gave me the worse beating of my life. She beat me half to death. After she was finished she told me she was going out for a couple hours and if I was there when she got back there would be hell to pay.

So after about an hour of laying on the floor in crippling pain I packed a duffel bag with clothes and other essentials and I took my football kit bag and I left. I had nowhere to go. I had told no one about anything to do with my home life. Except the school counsellor but I obviously wasn't going to ask her for help she would only involve the social work.

So I walked the streets and spent the night on the park bench. I was homeless. But I couldn't appear homeless I had to continue to stay in school and play for Glasgow city I needed the small amount of money now more then ever. I began to crash at my friends houses for a couple days at a time. I also spent some nights in homeless shelters or hostels.