Careful what you wish for

Nicholas

"ah fuck-" I say raising out of the bed.
"WHATS WRONG" Noah jolts awake. I shake my head.
"Nothing go back to sleep." I place my hand on his chest, getting up to walk down stairs.
I tip toe down the dark hall over to nicholas' room, to see if he was still awake.
"hey, are you awake?" I whisper.
"Yeah, what's up?" He sits up out of bed.
"I'm in pain dude. you didn't tell me it was gonna hurt this bad. I think Noah touched it while we were sleeping" I wince.
"Wanna let me look?" He tilts his head.
"Yeah go for it."
He lifts up my shirt to see the tattoo. I wince again.
"definitely scabbed over already. Your shirt kinda stuck to it." He points out."I have a quick fix for that,"
He takes out a tube of ointment from the cabinet.
"Imma put this on there, it will help with the pain and keep you from getting an infection. You should be good in a couple days." He says motioning for me to move my shirt again.
"Your hands are so cold." I look at him.
"Sorry. I hope this helps." he says."I think you are good now." I place my shirt back down.
"Thank you, nic" I turn the corner of my lip into a smile.
"Wanna do something cool?" He smirks.
"Nicholas. It is literally two in the morning?" I question.
"are you in or not?" I look at the bedroom door, thinking of Noah.
"Alright. Let's do it" I whisper. "If you get me in trouble, I'll kick your ass."

"come on." He extends his hand through the window to pull my through onto the roof.
"What are we doing up here Nicky??!"
"Shh. Just look and listen." He points upward. Then I heard it.
they lived next to an airport.
I see the bright lights flash ahead. I let a laugh escape from my mouth as sound filled the void above.
"Wonderful isn't it?!" Nicholas exclaims.
"Yeah.. it is." I let out a breathy sigh.
"Noah and I, we used to do this when he'd get overwhelmed or upset." nic looks down a moment. "If he won't show you then I guess it's up to me."

"Nicky - you don't have  to do that." I sigh. "He will show me when he is ready,"
"I have something else to show you." He gets up and goes back through the window.
He motions me down the stairs and outside.
"Come on,"
he leads me outside and down a trail.
"Are you trying to kill me?" I ask.
"No, I'm taking you somewhere." he looks at me in the darkness. I hadn't noticed he had grabbed a small blanket on the way out of the door.
We walked the trail up a mountain, to a small over look.
"watch the sunrise with me. Me and Noah used to do it all the time." he says finding a good spot.
"you guys are full of surprises. "
"One more" he says pulling a perfectly rolled joint.
"have you ever smoked before?" He asks.
"My father is THE Ronnie radke. Are you stupid?"
"That's fair." He says light up the tip opposite of his mouth.
"Here" he squeezed his words holding the thc in his lungs before giving an exhale.
"What did you bring me up here for?" I ask trying not to cough.
"just to be in your presence." He looked away.
"what do you mean by that?" I was confused. Me and Nicholas were close, without a doubt. but he hadn't been like this before.
"I mean, I missed you and I just wanted to hang out with you and get to know more about you because I always feel like I'm intruding when everyone else is around." He spoke fast
"Why do you want to know more about me? I'm not interesting..." I stagger.

He looks at me and then sighs.
"You are one of the most interesting, most wonderful people I've met within the last three years." he starts. "whenever you're around, everyone seems to have a great time and I don't know about the others but you make me feel so included and wanted. if you were in danger I'd throw myself in front of a bullet for you, just like Noah." He brings his knees to his chest.
"Nicholas, I didn't know that's how you felt. Being around you is like comfort and you're my favorite." I slightly punch his shoulder. "I wanted to be friends with you first"

"I just want a day, where I don't feel like I'm falling apart at the seams anymore. You give me that Lillian. Everyday that I'm around you, I'm happy just like everyone else." he goes on again. The only thing I could do was just.. listen. " how do you do it? know that you are the prettiest most kind person and still act like you aren't?"
I turned my head with a sigh
"Nicky- let me tell you a secret: everywhere I go, I wonder if people think I'm pretty. I try to make it easy for them. I turn my head for candid camera, try to always give my good side, bite my lip like I'm not thinking about it, when I've never in my life done anything without thinking about it. I think about my body so much that I sometimes feel like I curate it more than I live in it. I'm so insecure about what others think of me that I spend all of my time trying to find ways for them to like me." I say " you guys are the one group of people that I've never had to do that with. I'm thankful for all of you."
"Stop trying to be pretty" he says.
"What?"
"You weren't meant to be pretty Lillian. You were meant to burn down the earth and graffiti the sky. Don't let anyone ever simplify you to just 'pretty' you are so much more than that"

"Look, sun." He points.
We sat in silence watching as the sun crept over the Virginia trees. wrapped in the blanket he'd brought.

When we'd gotten back to the house. I decided to get ready for dinner later that night.
no one else had been awake yet so I found myself in the library of the Ruffilos house. once Danielle's room, books liked the shelves.
"Help yourself to one." Mr Ruffilo says behind me. "I'll be in the office if you need me dear."
I trace my finger along the wooden bookcase. finding a book and taking ing it outside.
I sat on the swing in the garden. Beautifully placed that way the light hit the pages in a golden glow, trying not to think about Noah.. or Nicholas.