Careful what you wish for

let it be.

I woke up with Aliyah's knee in my ribs along with her casted arm on my head. I lightly pushed her off and rolled over to check my phone.
•1 notification
I open it to a text from nick.

what could he want at 3 in the morning? After nearly a week of not talking to me.
Did Aliyah know about his feelings for me?
Right, back to nick.

God dammit, nick. I can't do this, not over text.
Not here , next to Aliyah. if he wanted me that bad, why did he wait until now? why NOW of all the times he had his shot?

I fixated myself on the heavy words Nicholas had sent. Reading them , over and over. I tried to make it make sense. I had Noah who protected me and loved me with enough roughness that I felt at home.

But I couldn't wrap myself around the idea, if it HAD been nick, could I have settled with the gentle quiet love that he gives Aliyah ?

I let what I had said settle. what else did he want? anger started to fill my body but also a hint of sadness and confusion.
If he was confessing then, I might as well let him have what was in my head.

I sat with my thumbs hovering the keyboard of my phone in the dark of my room, watching the cursor blink.

I typed what my brain thought word after word. Until I hit send. I turned off my phone, letting the darkness swallow me whole. I stared at the ceiling as the light came creeping through the window. what would become of our friendship? I didn't want to loose him but I didn't want to loose everything else.
no. Stop. He isn't an option and he has to know that.
I didn't want to text any more , I was ultimately ready for sleep again. I waited until he texted one last time.

I turned off my phone a rolled over to Aliyah again. Watching her gently taking breaths as she slept. Why would he want to jeopardize what he had with Aliyah ..
for me?
she was perfect. a good friend , a good sister. she wasn't my friend, she was family. I loved her as so.
I got up as the sun came shining through the window more, going down stairs to the kitchen.
"I forgot you were here." My dad laughed from the couch.
"Oh shit- dad. You're here" I say rubbing my eyes.
"Yeah... I live here." He trailed. "Also-"
I roll my eyes making my way to the kitchen.
"What the FUCK-" I blink.
"...nicks in the kitchen."
"Why are you here so early?" I start "actually, WHY ARE YOU HERE?"

"You said you wanted to talk in person so , I came in person. Noah will be here in a little bit." folio looks at me.
I sigh as if I had someone weighing on my chest.

"Nick. " I walk around the counter. "Your girlfriend is literally up-fucking stairs." I grit my teeth. "AT LEAST GO FUCKING TELL HER GOOD MORNING BEFORE WE START THIS AGAIN." My breath had become hard and sharp. "go- you stupid motherfucker" I mumble.
I was so upset with him and I knew that I shouldn't have been so mean but there are three relationships on the line. he was being stupid. but I knew that he was still human after all. 
after he came back down, he hesitated when he spoke.
"we are going for a ride. Put on some pants." he softly spoke, walking on mere eggshells watching what he said next. 
I can down about ten minutes later wearing boots and a pair of jeans.
"Ready," nick asks.
"Yeah, I guess so." I sigh again.
(Beige - yoke lore)
"Here, helmet." nick offered as I mounted the back of his red soft tail.
"Where are we going?" I ask wrapping my arms around his waist. I lean closer to him making myself and him more comfortable.
"for a ride. Just don't yell at me anymore." Nick half laughed. We drove down a back road I'd never seen before, I closed my eyes and scooted closer to him putting my cheek on his back. as my breathing slowed, he took a sharp curve causing my to open my eyes.
"You okay back there?" He laughs.
"I'm okay. Where are we going?" I asked again.
"almost there , I promise." He yells over the wind.
he continued down the road until I felt the bikes motor shift. nick slowed down. He got off the bike and I followed.
"For the last time, where are we-" nick grabs my hand and leads me down a bank and to a small secluded pond.
"I brought you here to talk but I figured we could do something while we did." He says picking up two fishing poles off the the ground.
"I've never fished before , Nick." I confess.
"I can show you," he takes the other pole and starts explaining what each thing does.
"now we cast. Find a spot to sit. We will be here for a few" nick chuckled
"I thought you said Noah was coming to dads house?" I asked in a confused tone.
"He still is, he knows we are here. lil, I talked to him first." He looks to the ground, then focused on his pole.
What was Noah's reaction? I'd ask him later.
"So, what more is there to talk about?" I sat down on the bank next to nick.
"Everything" he met me on the ground. "The day you met Noah, what do you remember about it?"
"just my panic attack and running into Noah." I lean back.
"you didn't realize that me and jolly were right behind him?" Nick asks.
"Nope, I didn't notice." I responded quietly.
"Shame." He laughed. "I watched your whole interaction with Noah. But I didn't realize that I even felt anything until you moved onto the bus with us during the first tour." He looked at the water and sighed. "I should've made my shot, I know that. but I didn't and that's my fault."
"Nick, why didn't you shoot your shot, I might've said yes." I shrugged.
I looked out into the glistening water watching the ripples spread. Then, I sigh.
"Aliyah got hurt because of me." I try changing the subject.
"it wasnt your fault. We didn't know she was gonna get jumped in that parking lot." he reassured me.
"my point is, I've ruined her life enough. dont let me ruin this for her too. She loves you Nick. She really fucking loves you. I know you love her more than me, I can't take that from her. you cannot take that." I look away.
"That's why I brought you here. I was gonna tell you that after I talked to Noah after I texted you last night and told him everything. I even cried. he told me the same thing. that is when I realized, the it's him. HE is the only one for you. The only one that can contain you. You think the same. I started this knowing that it would never be me. I'll always love you as the snot nosed brat you are though. I just wanted to say, I'm okay with us. our friendship and after today I just want it to be normal again." he took a deep breath.
I paused for a moment, baffled. I didn't think this conversation would go the way it went.
"you are stupid." I laugh. "FISH-"
He stood up and started feeling in. Fighting with the pole. the fish got closer and I watched as nick stood pulling it out of the water. 
I cackled as it flew out.
"What are you going to do  now?" I tilt my head.
"Let it go." He smiles
"That was fun." I looked at nick with a look of relief.
The calm came after the storm this time and I'm glad that it did.
now to go home to Noah, who I knew would be waiting for me.