Young Lies: The Next Gen.

34 ✗ boys cry too

I think it's safe to say none of us expected Finn's death.

It's been a few days and we're all still trying to process it.

Sahar is obviously taking it the worst.

She's blaming herself for everything.

She's not eating like at all, Rosie and I basically have to feed her.

She's not sleeping.

It's killing me seeing her like this.

If she's not buried under the sheets, she's doing a shit ton of research to find Theo.

Obviously, Jax is trying to help her but she keeps insisting on doing it on her own.

She's dead set on killing Theo and if it gets to that point, I'll fucking join her.

That piece of shit ruined my life and he needs to pay.

It's currently the middle of the night and I can't sleep...no fucking surprise there.

I look to my right and find Jax sprawled out and dead asleep on his bed.

The girls have their own room next door.

My body is hot, I feel itchy, and I need a release.

I slowly roll off my bed and head over to my luggage.

I grab a couple of blunts and a tiny bag of white powder.

Yes, I know drugs are bad.

I've heard it all before but I don't think people realize how much it helps me.

When I was about 7 years old, I was diagnosed with pretty severe anxiety.

It got so bad that my parents ended up homeschooling me till I reached high school.

I obviously took whatever meds I needed to take to help me and it worked for a while...until high school hit.

High school introduced me to new things like marijuana and coke...even meth.

I'm not exactly proud of all the drugs I tried but they helped me in their own weird way.

The amount of weed I smoked and coke I snorted got so bad, I actually overdosed.

My mom found me and...it was bad.

I was in the hospital for a couple of months before moving on to rehab.

My family and friends supported me the entire time.

After seeing the look on my parents and sister's face, I told myself I needed to stop.

And I did.

I was clean for quite a while, I would just smoke a cigarette here and there if I really needed it.

But after Zada's death, I relapsed.

I relapsed badly.

The way I see it is my life is over either way.