UNSPOKEN WORDS

Chapter 12

I'M OKAY WITH IT

    It wasn't easy for me to be okay with it. And by It I mean love. How could I be okay with something that might break me into a million pieces until I no longer exist? It is hard to know what I want. Because I want him but in what way exactly? There are way too many questions about what I want with Tom. Last night when we kissed I did feel something. I felt like it was the right thing to do. To be with him. If only Mattheo could have been the one waiting for me. If only Tom was Mattheo.

Why Mattheo?

There is the problem. When I'm with Tom I feel lust nothing else. But I do have hope that if I get to know him I might feel more than just lust.
And Mattheo. When I was with him I felt peace and tranquility, I felt as if I was so high I didn't want to go down ever again. At the moment I was with Mattheo I wanted nothing more than to never let him go. I have so many memories with Mattheo since I met him in my second year.

"So this is what we'll do. I'll get the food you check that no one is coming. Got it?" Second year Mattheo said excitedly. I nodded and went to the door while Mattheo grabbed food from the kitchen.

When I noticed he was taking too long I turned around and he had his arms full of food. Cupcakes, crisps, and sweets.

"Let me help" I got some sweets and then suddenly we heard a sound. We looked at each other in terror... Mattheo opened his eyes wide and started to run, I ran after him. Our arms were full of food and we were giggling while a prefect called for us to stop(which we didn't) we kept on running until we got to my dorm.

"That was close!" He says jumping into my bed and putting all the food in the middle of my bed. I did the same.
"You left me alone!" I smack his arms playfully. And he laughed.
"Sorry. But it was you or my food" he said eating a chocolate.
"So you chose food?!" I say eating a cupcake.
"I will always choose food," he said so seriously we both started to laugh like crazy.

We were both young. Both are free with no worries in life. Just two kids doing stupid things for fun. Mischief was our favorite thing to do when we were together. When we were together nothing could stop us. We were powerful. We were the perfect team.

I felt someone sitting in front of me. When I look up I see Judah. He smiled at me and I did the same. Since the night we fixed our emotional mess. We went back to normal. He was my best friend and I was his.

"This morning I received an owl from my mom," he says excitedly. I smiled. But I did feel this jealousy inside me. Summer was arriving and that meant we had a break. I didn't want to go to that stupid orphanage. So knowing that Judah has a family I want. Makes me jealous.
"What did she say?" I ask. I did want to know. Judah has told me a lot about his mother. He claims she is 'a kind humble muggle woman'.

"She says she is excited to see me and..." he takes a bite from his waffle looking at my eyes. I chuckle
"And?" He eats the piece of waffle and he speaks excitedly.
"She says she wants you to come with us!" He beamed. I stayed in silence
"Why? She doesn't know me" Judah rolled his eyes playfully
"I've told her about you. She wants to get to know you. She wants to know my dear friend."

"You've told your mother about me?" I say in a mocking tone
"Don't flatter yourself. I've only told her how annoying you are... but what do you say? Are you going to spend the break with us?"

I stayed in silence thinking a little bit more. I didn't have anywhere else to go. And perhaps being with Judah might be fun.

I smile and say "Okay. Yes! I'll go!" He said yes. And then I felt Tom sitting next to me. Judah rolled his eyes and kept quiet. Tom being here with us somehow made everything uncomfortable. But then he decided to speak. but not to me. He spoke directly to Judah.

"I apologize for my brother's behavior," Tom said. Judah looked at me like saying 'Is he drunk?' And I look at him like 'I don't know' Judah looked at Tom and said.
"Thank you... but I think Mattheo should be the one apologizing." Tom chuckled and said
"Just take this apology. He won't apologize to you directly. We both know it" Judah nodded. The. Tom extended his hand for Judah to shake.
They both shook hands and that was it. A new beginning for both of them.

"So do you have any plans today?" I asked Tom after a minute of silence.
"I was planning on spending time with you. If you are or busy." Judah interrupted
"We were going to the library then our spot" Tom looked at us and smiled.
"May I join?"

Judah was about to say no but Interrupted
"Yes of course!" Tom did something unexpected. He gave me a quick kiss on the lips making me blush. I looked at Judah and he ignored the kiss. Suddenly I looked at the end of the table and saw Mattheo looking at us.

He saw the kiss.
'I'll make your life hell' his voice sounded in my head. Remembering that small thread.
I rolled my eyes at him When he kissed Sirena.

My heart broke. Even more. But I ignored it. I was about to start something with Tom. And this time I am sure. I'll do my best to give Tom a chance. I know Mattheo would want to hurt me even more in the future because of my choice And I'm okay with it.