UNSPOKEN WORDS

Chapter 24

TOM

'Because I love you

'Because I love you

'Because I love you

'Because I love you

Her voice saying those words is stuck deep inside my soul. Time stopped for what felt like an eternity. My heart was beating faster, my mind was going to different places thinking of millions of things all at once.
I wish she meant it. I wish she could tell me the real reason why she said that, in front of my brother. Who I know used or likes her?
Did she say it because she wanted Mattheo to back off? Or for me to believe she does love me?

Either way. I never said it back.

I couldn't say 'I love you' to her. Because I don't feel it. I don't know how is that supposed to feel, I like Cherry. I'm extremely attracted and attached to her. Sometimes I do believe I love her. But this is just a relationship. It's not something that will lead us to a future together, in which we will get married and have a family. Even if sometimes I do dream about it, I know it won't happen because I don't love her.
It sounds like a pretty bad thing to say but that's how I feel. I won't lie to myself or try to persuade myself into believing I love her just to not hurt her feelings. Honesty is key in a relationship.

After that moment of her saying 'Because I love..' I can't even think about it...
Judah was nice enough to start a new conversation saying
"What are you guy's plans for the break? I told my mom I wanted to go to the beach..." Mattheo continued the conversation saying
"Got work, literally we're going to be working in a coffee shop ... I want to go to a party, but I doubt Mary will let me"
Cherry got off my Lap and sat beside me. I noticed the way she clenched her jaw. I knew she was mad because I didn't say it back. But again... I don't feel it.

Now I see her walking away with Judah by her side. She didn't even say goodbye to me. My heart clenched not in a good way. I wonder if I made a mistake. Should I have lied to her and say I love you back?

"My boys!" That voice took me out of my thoughts. Mimi was walking with open arms and a big smile towards us. When she finally reached us She pulled both of us into a thigh embrace. It was so tight I could feel my insides about to explode. Luckily she pulled away before that could have happened.
"My lord! You two are taller than before! What did you guys eat in that school?!" Hearing her energetic voice made me smile. I decided to ignore the past incident with Cherry, for now, I will send her an owl later. Perhaps I will even ask her on a small date for us to talk. But for now, it's me and my family.

"Mattheo! Tell me how your grades went?" Mimi asked Mattheo who looked at her nervously
"I mean... I passed all of my classes. I just didn't get super good grades"
"I'll take that... now come on, let's go to the car!"
Mattheo and I walked behind her towards the car. I Can feel Mattheo's eyes on me, I wish I could slap him, but I can't. Mimi never let me do that to him, she says violence is not the solution.

After a few hours of traveling in that small car. And thinking again about those stupid words Cherry said, We finally reached our home.
"We're here, Mattheo I have some groceries in the back. Get them for would you?" Mimi said getting her bag and getting out of the car to open the door of our home. Mattheo did as Mimi said and I went inside the house. Once I opened the door to step Inside the house.
I see a welcome back! Poster at the entrance and some presents and party decorations.

"Surprise! Welcome back, my boys!" Mimi says almost jumping in excitement.
"You know we aren't kids anymore. You can stop doing things." I say looking at the presents
"Oh no! I won't ever stop doing this Tom. You're not.."
"Ah! Presents!" Mattheo puts the bags of groceries on the floor and goes to hug Mimi. Of course, Mattheo will still like this. He is childish and immature.
"See Tom, your brother loves it." Mattheo pulls away and says
"Did you make me red velvet cake?"
"It's in the kitchen," Mimi says with a big smile
"Yes!" Mattheo went running to the kitchen. I love That cake. But I don't feel like eating. Even if I tried not to think of Cherry, I couldn't stop.

Because of those words, I'm starting to doubt myself and my actions. Did I do something to give her the wrong impression?

"I'm going upstairs, Mimi. I have a lot to unpack. Thank you by the way"
"Yeah, anytime Tommy." I gave her a small nod and went upstairs. Mattheo and I don't share a room. So this is my sanctuary. Besides my room, it's not a mess and I will be able to relax.
I began to unpack and once I finished I sat in front of my desk and began to write in a piece of parchment.

Dear Cherry.

Hello. I've been thinking of you, not only about you but also about the thing you said back on the train. I need we have more to discuss but I won't do by letters.
I was us to meet later tonight at the park at 8:30.
Please go there tonight.

Tom

I know that wasn't a great letter. But it will do its job. I go to open the cage of my owl and let him go outside.
"Send it to Cherry, she is staying at Judah's house." Felix grabbed the letter and flew away.
I heard the door slowly open. I see Mimi walking inside.
"Hello," she says looking at me. I tried to fake a smile but she noticed.
"You send an owl?" She asked
"Yes"
"To whom?" She says sitting in my bed
"Cherry"
"Ah yes, the pretty girl. How is she?" I take a sit back at my desk.
"She's okay...she's staying with her friend. He lives close to your coffee shop" Mimi smiled. But now she is observing me. She knows when I'm not in a good mood.

"Tell me What happened Tommy" I let out a frustrated sight and looked down at the floor.
"She told me she loved me today, back on the train"
"Well, that's great!"
"I don't love her back," I say. At that moment I saw Mimi's smile disappear and change into a big worried expression.
"I could have sworn you were deeply in love"
"Why would you say that?"
"Tommy... the way you look at her. The way you talk about her, remember the first day I met her?... well, I saw the way you were yourself... I know you feel like you need to hide yourself most of the time but when you are with her? You are free... now that might be my opinion. But I'm asking you, Tom. How can you not love someone who makes you feel free?"

I stayed in silence thinking of Mimi's words. It was all so complicated. When I first dated her it was just to show Mattheo I was capable of being in a series relationship but now? Now I'm starting to panic.
"I need some time to think mimi... thank you"
Mimi stood up to hug me then left.
I need to know why she said it. I need to know if she meant those words. I'm doomed.