Bound by Deception

27.2 Love Is Gone

"I still don't understand," Sterling said, frowning. "Aria, I don't think you've changed."

"I didn't expect you to notice it," she replied. "But I felt it. I felt myself growing soft, didn't I tell you? I thought I was feeling sorry for our victims, but really, I was feeling sorry for myself. Sorry that I had betrayed my mother's morals and had allowed myself to get swept up in money and excitement. The thrill of the chase was not me chasing my prey, but me running away from the predator that's haunted me for so many years."

Sterling was silent, motivating her to continue.

"My mother was the least violent person you'd ever meet," she said sadly. "My father too. They were generous and deeply in love with one another. They died in a hostage situation. I was old enough to know what happened. The event was organized by Hades. Madame told me that it was necessary for our job to carry out the hostage threats." She shrugged. "I believed her, even though she had just admitted that she was the cause of my parent's death."

"And you don't hold that against her?"

"No. Madame has taken care of me like a daughter. I trust her with my life, Sterling."

"But...your parents..."

"My parents may have been kind people, but they were naive. They were sweet in a stupid sense. Anybody could make up a sob story and my father would be throwing money in their direction." Aria stood and tossed her garbage in the trash. "I loved them, Sterling, but they weren't like me at all. I feel sorry that they died, truly, I do, but there's nothing I can do about that."

"Really?" Sterling scoffed, rising. "There's nothing that you can do? Aria, I'm not sure you're hearing yourself. Do you think it was okay that Madame killed your parents?"

"For the cause of our country-!"

"Fuck that!" He tossed his hands in the air as a flock of birds shot from the forest behind him. "Fuck the country, Aria, and fuck Madame! She knowingly killed your parents and had the audacity to recruit you just when you were going to die in that burning church? Is she trying to make you suffer?"

"She saved my life."

"No, she destroyed your life!" Sterling paced on the boardwalk, his face scrunched up in fury. "She's blinded you, Aria - blinded us! We're not heroes. We're monsters! We've tortured and killed all for one woman's sick pleasure!"

"Madame's loyalty to the government is the reason we kill," Aria snarled. "Your loyalty is the reason we kill. Don't you want to save innocent lives? Wasn't it you who said that you were killing so that you'd never see another child in misery again? Why? Why did you say that?"

"Because that child was me!" Sterling exploded. "That poor, helpless child was me, Aria! I was fighting so that no child would ever have to lose their parents just as I had lost mine, but clearly, you fought for your own selfish reasons!"

"How could you say that?!"

"It's the truth, and it hurts, doesn't it?" He sneered, his icy stare glimmering cruelly. For a moment, Aria was taken aback at how similar that gleam was to Edward's, and she felt the ghost of his hands climb up her skin. Shivering, she backed away.

"Are you scared of me now?" Sterling taunted her, guided by his pounding anger. "Or are you scared of what you've realized? That's what it is, isn't it? You're seeing just how hypocritical you're being. You don't give a shit, Aria. You haven't changed."

"At least I don't kill women in their sleep." Aria scowled, feeling a triumphant surge in her chest when Sterling's expression faltered. "What do you think you are, some saint? We're both murderers, Sterling." She laughed, a somewhat hysterical laugh. "You're not innocent. I'm not innocent. Let's just accept that and move the fuck on."

"Move on?" Sterling repeated dubiously. "Move on? Move on from what? Don't you get it? We're done, Aria. Madame's let you go - your precious Madame. Go back to your life as the Lady's daughter. Get married to some rich bastard and let this country go to hell. Then you'll see what I'm talking about."

"That I betrayed everyone?" Aria crossed her arms. "So, you agree with Madame?"

Sterling glared at her. "I'm starting to."

Again, she was taken aback, and her heart plummeted. Was he really doubting her? His longtime partner? The woman he said he loved. Were her feelings blinding her again? Aria felt a bitter taste form in her mouth. She had allowed herself to be fooled. Sterling had played her like a fiddle. He'd coaxed every truth out of her lips and turned on her. Why couldn't he understand her reasoning? Why couldn't he believe that being a stone-cold monster was the only way that she wouldn't break down and end her life?

She straightened her spine, meeting Sterling's glare with a fierce scowl. "Fine. You can keep thinking of how immoral I've acted. Keep thinking that you're a saint, Sterling. Just play in your fantasy." Despite herself, tears brimmed her eyes. Damn, I've really gone too soft.

"Crying now?" Sterling grit his teeth, his arms itching to hold her, but his legs were cemented to the ground. Every fiber of his being was hot with outrage yet also with passion. The words that were coming out of his lips were too viscous and he knew it. He was pouring his frustration as a failed son onto her and twisting her story to suit his barbaric fantasy, but he found that he just couldn't stop. "What do you want to say? Huh? That one day you were going to kill me too for the betterment of our country? Is that it? After all, I've done for you. God...I even loved you! And you...you didn't care at all."

"Don't you DARE tell me how I'm feeling!" Aria cried out. "You have no idea what I've gone through in my life!"

"No, really? Have you been disgraced? Left to scavenge on your own in the street until a shady lawyer returns your possessions which are now worth shit? Have you ever gone hungry? Lived without showers or fresh water or clean clothes? No, no, you haven't. You lied to yourself. You live in a perfect world where we're heroes and Grandville is the villain, and while the latter may be true, there is no way that Rouverians are any better." He stopped, puffing. His body was tight like a twisted rope that was spiraling into insanity. Stop it! His conscience screamed. You're making her cry! Don't make her cry! A part of him wanted to wipe her tears away; to hold her and comfort her and apologize for everything that he was saying, but he couldn't. He was paralyzed, rooted to his spot as Aria glared at him with her blazing red eyes.

"You want to hear the truth?" She spat venomously. "Do you want me to be honest? Fine, I'll be honest. The biggest regret of my life was never allowing my parents to die." Liar. "It was never allowing Madame to let me go without a fight." Liar. "It was never when I didn't stand up for myself." Liar.

"Then what?" Sterling sniffled, his voice shaky. Above them, the sky turned a dark blue, mixing with the gloomy gray clouds that galloped above them like war horses. "What was your biggest regret?"

With tears streaking down her cheeks, and thunder crackling in the sky, Aria whispered:

"Falling in love with you."

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It seems our assassins have gotten into a fight. Did Aria mean what she said? What will she do now that she's alone? 

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