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Nina came into my life unexpectedly. After struggling with too many issues, it was as if the Sun itself had walked into the room. She was bright, had a wide smile on her face, warm eyes and a presence so sweet that it was impossible not to notice her.
Sebastian and Celine told me it was one in a life opportunity for me. Nina clearly expressed interest in me, and since Freya was gone and dead, I decided to give it a shot.
When we first started dating, I was reluctant to be around her. Anger issues that came with Freya's death jumped out from time to time, when I least expected it. Therapy wasn't all that helpful, either. I was terrified of hurting Nina by accident, which was why I was keeping my distance.
Yet, step by step, she began to tear down all the walls that I'd built up. Nina was caring, but most importantly, Nina was patient with me. She was never pushy, never asked too many questions and waited for me to open up. Her patience was what made me believe that after Freya, she was the one for me.
Time slowly went on, everyone seemed to be healing, yet I was the only one stuck in that scenario, Freya's death, her funeral and the aftermath. Nina was the one who showed me that there was more to life than drowning myself in bottles and bottles of alcohol, of giving my life away for something that wasn't my fault.
Everything was going great. I was finally a man that Nina deserved to have, and somehow, it all came crashing down as soon as I laid my eyes on Freya again.
I shouldn't have visited her. It took all willpower, all the strength I had in my body not to kiss her. And I missed that. I missed kissing her, touching her, holding her close to my body. I even missed her scent, her morning hair, or how she was a restless sleeper.
The moment Nina's face flashed behind my eyes, I began to second guess everything. The first thing I did was bolt out of that place, and stay locked in my car for hours. Nina didn't deserve to be cheated on.
Of course, after learning of Freya being alive, she got insecure and pushy. But that was normal. She was afraid of losing me to Freya, and deep inside of me, I realized that no matter how much I tried to conceal it, to fake it, I was never Nina's to begin with. I was Freya's through and through. Even if she truly was dead, it was a question whether or not I would've gone through with the wedding eventually.
Things changed. I didn't know if Freya and I had a chance, or if I could truly forgive her, but I knew one thing for sure. I did not love Nina, and she deserved someone who did. It broke my heart knowing that hers will be shattered as soon as I told her. There was no chance of me staying by her side, knowing that Freya was here. As always, Freya became a priority before I even realized.
And tonight was the night I was going to tell her. Nina didn't need to know all the details, but she wasn't stupid. She was definitely going to figure it out on her own why I couldn't go through with the wedding.
However, as soon as she stepped into the restaurant, with a warm and welcoming smile, I felt myself faltering. The shine in her eyes, the love on her face as soon as she spotted me made me feel sick. I was a horrible person for doing this to someone as great as her.
