Suck It And See? (Alex Turner Fanfiction)

XXVI.

Days are shorter, December is having its player face on. Winter winds are blowing but they aren't freezing for me, for us, they make our hearts chirp of excitement as if their power was animating our insides. But it isn't the the kind of winds which make your skin burn, but those winds inside of your chest and head which make you feel like being permanently high on coffee.

Although I can't say I'm not high on coffee, too.

It amazes me how one person can change one's life like Alex has changed mine. For the first time after years I don't want to stay in bed when I wake up and dream on, because it feels like the reality is better.

But - and I hate to even think about it - I am afraid. I am afraid this will end, or rather that it'll end far too soon.

This is not my world, Sheffield isn't my home and I'll have to leave sooner or later. Half of my stay is already over. What I'm even more afraid of is leaving in June knowing I have no reason to ever come back - that may be the case, too.

These worries are inside of my head permanenty, even this afternoon as I'm walking the silent streets of gloomy High Green.

I'm not meeting anyone today, and I don't even want to, I just need a walk. It's one of the times when you feel like suffocating if you stayed inside. When you hate wifi, can't stand music, can't bear your thoughts. It's both restlessness and excitement that took over me.

It's four pm and dark already, and I think it will start snowing any minute now. The road is wet and it reflects the neon lights like a mirror.

There's not many people outside, but that doesn't matter as I see one of the people I didn't want to meet, one of the few people I know here, approaching me.

It's Matt and he notices me instantly despite my huge scarf and a beanie, with only my eyes and nose peeking out.

"'Allo Elen! What are ye up to?" He changes his direction and starts walking with me. "Summat cheeky innit?" He smiles widely and rubs his hands together to make himself feeling warmer.

"Oh nothing really." I smile, obviously not soundly enough to pass Matt's happiness test.

"Not in the mood, are we?" He asks me indirectly, looking at the street in front of us. "But you're still coming tonight?" He gives me a questioning look.

I nod instantly although I am not too sure. Al and his friends came up with this 'guys' night' thing and not only I don't feel it's a good idea to be there as the only girl, but also my spirits aren't high enough for being with anybody.

"At my place, remember?"

"Sure, Alex told me." Like thrice.

"Don't worry Sunny it's not gonna be anything wild or summat. Just gonna watch some series okay?" Matt rubs my arm reassuringly. Maybe it won't be too much for me after all.

However when I aproach Matt's household a few hours later I start to think the opposite. I hear a loud music coming from some indistinct place at the back of Helders' garden. I don't feel enough at home here as this is going to be my first time at Matt's place, so I just take my phone from my pocket and try ringing Alex. It takes three tries for him to pick up, just before the beeping sound starts to make me nauseous.

"El?" He literally shouts.

"Hey Alex I'm here."

"Great I'll get ya."

"Wait wait wait." I say before he cancels the phone. "Is this all a good idea?"

"I can't hear you just wait a sec okay?" He shouts back and gives me no choice but to keep my doubts for myself a few more seconds longer.