Suck It And See? (Alex Turner Fanfiction)

XXXII.

How could I face everybody? How could I face Alex?

Today I have been acting like nothing had happened, but even getting out of my bed was a big effort. I mean - bigger than usual. Monumental.

Shows up facing everybody won't be that difficult, as it is completely unavoidable at some points.

Today the class prior to our lunch break is English with Mr Smith which I share with Alex. I know I am going to spend the next hour in the same room as him but I can at least make sure we are not going to be alone at any point so having that on mind I settle for a late entrance.

I walk into the room just as the bell goes off and avoiding any possible eye contact with my classmates I make my way to my desk. Bree squeezes my hand in support and I start to unpack my things just as Mr Smith enters.

"Morning." Mr Smith scans the entire room with a wide smile. "I was thinking... work in pairs today?" He more asks than announces. The whole classroom frowns confused. We never do work in pairs. I start praying he changes his mind.

"What do you say, kids?" Our frowns get deeper, however, there is a handful thinking it a good idea.

"Could be fun." I hear Andy, Alex's friend and one of the Arctic Monkeys, remark nonchalantly. A few heads nod along. Not mine. Nor Alex's, as I notice. What got into Mr Smith today?

"I was thinking mixed couples, too." Mr Smith turns to Andy and shifts his gaze to Alex, waiting for an approval from his favourite student. His anxious smile freezes for a second.

"What do we have today..." Mr Smith looks into his papers. "No, no..." He looks at us and back into his papers. "Well, kids, maybe next time." Again, this sounds more like a question than anything. "Let's just get some reading done while I get your essays ready then." He shots one last look in Alex's direction. Some of us do as he says and the lesson luckily turns out to be a normal one.

That is - until about ten minutes before the bell is due to ring when I see some moving and shifting to my left. In no time Bree hands me a piece of paper folded into a half. I don't have to ask about its origin, seeing her concerned expression is enough. At first I just stare at the white piece of paper in her hand blankly, holding my breath in. Suddenly feeling all the weight of the world on my shoulders, I release a deep breath. I look at my hands which are resting in my lap at the moment, feeling helpless. I couldn't raise any of them to get the paper even if I wanted to. Then sudden sense of pressure starts running within me, as if everybody was looking. Nobody is, in fact. I draw a breath and slowly reach for the message, hiding it in my notebook right away. I close it and try hard to get calmer as my heart beats frantically.

Now I can definitely feel his eyes on me, which really doesn't help. I decide to place the elbow of my left arm on the table so I can lean on my hand and maybe shield my face with my palm so he won't see my expression full of despair. What if he decides to wait for me after the class?

Just after I check the time on my phone to see the bell rings in a few minutes, the phone vibrates lightly.

12:26 pm
1 new message

I turn off the phone but it vibrates again.

12:27 pm
2 new messages

Of course, they are from him. I reach out to turn off the phone again but then decide against it. Maybe not avoiding him is going to hurt less, because avoiding him has been pure agony so far.

And so I decide to open the messages.

Al: please, El

Al: meet me