Suck It And See? (Alex Turner Fanfiction)

XXXVI.

I make a stop in the bathroom mainly to make sure I look at least somehow presentable for the first time since leaving our apartment several hours ago. I check myself in the dirty mirror covering big part of the wall, which is other than that covered in posters. I look quite tired, but my eyes seem relatively alert. I try to look at myself through the Monkeys' eyes. Have I changed much?

Not really.

My curly hair is a bit longer and healthier than it used to be as I am figuring out how to take better care of it. I don't use much makeup other than to make my eyebrows and eyelashes more defined – same as then. I may be happier about what I'm wearing than a couple of years ago, but compared to most of the girls here my outfit seems quite underwhelming. My loose moss green blouse is tucked in my high-waisted jeans which are held in their place by a chunky leather belt. I put on my black, slightly oversized duffle coat and check my chelsea boots. Not too dirty, I tell myself. Not too bad.

The second I leave the bathroom, though, I change my mind. A gorgeous girl passes me and I regret for a second I don't have her outfit. Her hair. Her everything. I shake my head. No time to brood over this now. There are always going to be prettier girls no matter what. Might as well leave that for tomorrow.

I take my time climbing the stairs to the exit of the club this time, subconsciously comparing my feelings with what they were when I was here just a couple of hours ago. Both the numbing sense of calm and the dose of panic that followed are gone, the latter only to return at the precise moment I step outside of the building and my eyes make out a familiar form not far away. Alex. On his own.

I look around confusedly, but the rest of the group seems to have evaporated into the crisp night air.

Alex, on the other hand, remains a solid, unmoving presence leaning on the outside wall with his back and one of his feet, cigarette smoke rolling from his mouth at intervals.

My instinct and slight shock make me hold my breath until Alex's figure stirs.

" 'Ey." His voice is slightly raspy as if he just woke up and the movement of his lips at uttering the greeting is followed by a similar one when he breaths out the remains of cigarette smoke. Suddenly finding Alex more than intimidating I realise that this is the first time tonight we are on our own. It's not so much him that makes me nervous – it is me I don't trust. I don't trust myself with him, usually being more prone to overstep or blurt out stuff in one-on-one scenarios.

"Everybody's gone." I point out unnecessarily, my awkwardness in plain sight despite the darkness of the night.

Alex extinguishes his cigarette and stands up straight, hands in his pockets. "D'you mind?" He asks in a neutral tone.

"Erm..." I don't know how to answer so I turn to logic. "Will we be able to find them?" Alex frowns confusedly at this, as if that hasn't occurred to him until now.

"No objections to getting lost if we do." Alex smiles and I must frown at this because he feels the need to explain himself a bit. "I mean I'm fine in the fresh air for a bit." I nod but don't move just yet. "If you're... not too cold?"

I shake my head and smile. Right now I need to cool down if anything.

We start walking slowly, automatically retracing our steps from a few hours ago.

"So... um." I break the silence after some time and Alex's head turns in my direction eagerly. "You're still smoking." He smiles.

"Yes."

"Only at parties?" That's what he told me when we first met. I smoke so I look cool.

"Nah." He scrunches his nose slightly. "I know I used to claim that." I raise an eyebrow, and he continues. "But that was never the case really... not for a long time anyway."