Kingdom of cards chpt 3 N.S. Bad Omens story

Is it okay to be this way?

*SEXUAL ASSAULT *

Noah's POV
Eleanor fell asleep on my chest as I just lyed awake. The night started off great, but when Ellie took control later on, I was so uncomfortable. It wasn't a problem with her being possessive, I love when she shows me what she can do to me, but I just didn't feel right. I felt like I was doing something I shouldn't have been doing, but she's my wife and it's perfectly normal to do things like this.
I tell myself, but it felt wrong. Why?

I quietly climbed out of bed and went to take a shower. I don't know what happened tonight, I just don't feel right. As I let the luke warm water run down my body, I replayed every moment alone we had tonight. Downstairs was great, upstairs was good until she tied my hands, then I pretty much didn't want her to see me like this ever again. Is that normal?
I wash my hair while thinking of what I should say to her. This is gonna be so embarrassing, I'm so f*cking ridiculous. I wanted to make this a great night for us and now it's just f*cked up. Nice Noah.

I stepped out of the shower and tied a towel around my waist before walking downstairs. I go into the kitchen and grabbed a monster drink before walking to the laundry room to get some shorts. I found a pair and go into the bathroom to change.

Once I walked out, I saw Eleanor in the kitchen. "Why'd you leave?" She asked with tired eyes. "Hey, um... about tonight I- I kept stuttering as she leans on her elbows. "Did you not like it?" I nod but didn't look at her, I just couldn't look her in the face and say it. "Why ?" I shrugged, "I just... I was very uncomfortable if I'm being honest, Ellie. It's not that I didn't enjoy your company it's just me." She looked so confused. "I don't understand. You were enjoying yourself over there weren't you? " she points to the spot by our front door.
"Yeah, that was great. What we did upstairs was just- "Noah, we've done things much more unholy than that."
I shake my head and turn my back to her in embarrassment. "Eleanor, I appreciate you trying to meet my needs but I just don't want to go through this again, I'm really uncomfortable with it. I'm sorry to make a big deal out of it, but we never did things like that. I don't know where that side of you came from, but we just didn't do that... Remember our nights in Italy? Those were amazing" I said as she rolls her eyes. "You were freaking out then too! Remember the whole "I don't want a baby" thing? Yeah, Noah you can be so difficult sometimes." She crosses her arms and shakes her head again.
"I'm sorry, Ellie ... I'm not trying to be difficult, but I want to feel comfortable. Have you ever felt so uncomfortable that it felt wrong when we've had our time together?" I asked facing her annoyed face. "No, but why are you so upset? Your upset when We don't f*ck then your upset when we do, What do you want from me?" I stood there speechless. Was I being unreasonable?

"Eleanor, I don't know what to say."
"Did something happen to you? " she questioned slowly approaching me.
"I don't remember" I whispered and quickly turned towards the door.
"Noah? No no come here. Noah help me understand please." I felt my eyes starting to tear up, my memory that faded away years ago was replaying in my head. "Noah?" I felt Eleanor grab my hand and pull me to sit at the bottom of the stairs with her. I sit on my elbows and put my hands over my face as everything was replaying.
"Babe? Please tell me what happened?" I gulped down a painful feeling before speaking.

"I was finishing some homework in the locker room alone and these two jocks Sinon and Jack approached me.
They always were bullying Nick, Jesse, and I but they'd alway say sexual things to me though they both had girlfriends. Anyway..." I cried as Ellie pulls me in for a hug. "I knew Simon was stronger so I got up to leave when Jack grabbed my arm and made me sit down. Simon sedated me with something and I passed out a few seconds later. When I woke up I was alone and lying on the floor shirtless and my jeans were unzipped and-
I cried silently as Eleanor had a heartbroken expression on her face. "Noah, I'm so sorry." I take a sharp breath in before continuing. "I was asleep throughout the whole thing but I remember hearing Simon removing his belt and I felt him tighten it around my wrist, then everything went black. I'm sorry, I didn't remember it until now."
"Noah, if I had know I wouldn't have done that and put you through that tramua again. Baby I'm so sorry " she kisses my forehead as I held her tightly. "I never told anyone, not even Nick. " I couldn't say anything to anybody, I don't even know what they did to me that evening. "How old were you?" She asked as I rubbed her arm. "17" she rubes my head as we were cuddled together on the stairs.
"Baby I promise I won't ever do that again." "I love your company Ellie, I really do, but I just can't go through that again." She nods and kisses me passionately. "Noah, I'm so sorry baby" I thanked her as we just sat there on the stairs together.....