Kingdom of cards chpt 3 N.S. Bad Omens story

Never fails

ANOTHER FILLER
Noah's POV
"God guys, I don't know how a baby could survive with that much alcohol in the womb. I'm not saying there's no chance, but it's very very slim." Phil explained as I sat on the bed with Ellie silently crying into my chest.
"You think the baby's dead?" I asked as he just stared at me. "I haven't seen anything yet so I can't make an diagnosis, but if I'm being honest with you.... It's almost unheard of." I nodded as a tear fell from my eye.
"Phil? How will I know" Eleanor asked as I tighten my grip around her waist.
"You're too early to tell by going to the hospital, so you'll have to wait and see if you get your monthly cycle okay?" He says with some emotion in his voice. "And what if I don't get it?"
"Then the baby has a good chance of living, but will most likely have FASD or another kind of disability. " Ellie buries her face into my chest and squeezes my hand. "We appreciate your time Phil." I nod as so does he and stands up. "Eleanor, I have faith in you two... don't give up or stop believing, the impossible can be done by one." She nods as I gently climbed out of bed and walked Phil downstairs.

We stepped outside by the front in jackets and knew we had more to discuss.

"Noah, I want you to pray and believe for that child." I nodded as some snowflakes slowly fall beside us.
"It's my fault." I whispered as cold tears were falling from my eyes.
"It's not your fault, just why are you drinking? I remember your grandfather had a problem." I just stand there frozen. "I don't know. I'm drowning, Phil. I use fame to make me feel loved, I use alcohol to numb everything, I'm scared to face our problems so I hide it with sex and I hate myself for it." I cried as Phil pulls me in for a hug. "Noah, look at me." I slowly pulled away and stared at him with glassy eyes. "You're a tortured soul, But you can change that. You and one other fate have that key.
You and death." I shake my head and lick my wet lips. "Phil, I'm about to hand them over to death. Life goes great, it's fun, it's crazy, then it's the devil stabbing us so viciously. Why does it have to be us? We finally started making time for each other and things were going great, and now we were f*cking around and getting drunk." I cried as he nods in understanding. "Noah, please keep holding on. The best is yet to come, I know it." I once again shake my head in denial. "No, Phil. I think this is the last time you'll see me alive." His eyes went wide. "No. If you try to slice your f*cking wrists again, I'm putting you in an asylum. I am not joking, Noah. Your body can't handle it."
"I hate my life." I slowly sit down on my knees and whipe my eyes.
"Noah, promise me you'll come see me tomorrow to talk?" I part my lips but just nod. "We will fix this alright?" We hug again before I watched him leave.

God this f*cking sucks so bad.....