Desirable (mxm)

twenty-six; back on track

♥

I'm back sitting with Layla after Nate helped me pluck up the courage to take an early therapy session. I'm not sure if I can call it early when I missed one a few days ago but it was needed.

My conversation with Nate helped my wolf to relax. To listen to his voice and the honesty behind his words. I won't forget the way his body melted around mine, holding me tight and reminding me that I'm not alone.

Everett and Reign coming up to speak to me only made me want to hide away forever, but as soon as Nate arrived, I couldn't keep it in anymore. I crumbled against him and let everything out.

I could see the shock on Everett's face when we went downstairs together a few hours later. Nate wasn't smug about what he achieved, all he cared about was helping me to get better and face my demons head on.

As soon as I was showered and up, I headed straight to Layla for a session. Nate said he'd leave and give me some time with her and my family, not that I wanted him to go. I definitely needed alone time with them, that's what I realised.

"So how have you been feeling, Milo?"

I pick at the corner of the chair, waves of nausea hitting my sternum. "Not good," I admit, my throat feeling like razor blades.

"Would you like to elaborate on why you feel that way?"

My lips press into a thin line and I can't meet her eyes. "I-I," the word becomes stuck on my tongue. "I masturbated in a public restroom the other day."

"Okay," Layla leans forward. "Did something trigger you?"

"Yes," I nod. "My mate."

"Please explain more."

I take down the largest breath I can and glance over at my therapist. She's offering me a small smile to continue, that I shouldn't be embarrassed. This is a safe space and opening up will help in the future.

"I went to meet Nate at the park, he was training with a few members of his pack. But when I saw him, he was shirtless and sweaty," I pause and try not to think about how he made me feel at that moment in time. Now is not the time to magically grow a boner. "I've never seen him without a shirt and it was a sight. He was wrestling with his friend and this need, desperation of lust and arousal got the better of me. It was like an alarm going off in my head and the only way to silence it was to release myself. I've never felt so ashamed."

"You shouldn't feel ashamed, Milo," she shakes her head. "This is your journey with addiction and if you thought that it was going to be plain sailing the whole way through, then you're mistaken. Of course you're going to come across hurdles which are hard to pass but it's about learning, it's about using those coping mechanisms to help if a situation like this ever happens again."

I clench my eyes shut. "Nate knew, he could smell my arousal off me."

"And how did he react?"

For a moment I pause. "He reacted fine." I admit. "He wasn't angry or upset with me."