fifty-eight; beast

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"I don't think this is something that I can just summon." I tell Milo as we stand in the clearing.

Milo has been eager to see my beast formation. It's not something I have fully grasped yet but I want to attempt to keep under control–in case something awful happens that triggers me again.

He drags one hand through his hair and then leans onto the truck of a tree so effortlessly. I'd much rather be doing other things. Ever since we mated my desire for him has been off the scales. Neither of us can barely keep it in our pants long enough to focus on other important things.

Considering I'm the Alpha now, I need to be focused. But I haven't been.

Imogen understands even though she doesn't have a mate. Elin and Zade have pitched in on how marking and mating can change everything. So adjusting to becoming Alpha and learning to deal with these emotions is something that I'm going to have to juggle–it just might take some time at first.

"What summoned it before?" Milo asks after a few moments.

I shrug. "I don't know. I was angry. Like super fucking angry."

"Well..." he trails off. "What if I said something to try and make you angry?"

My head slants to the side. "But I don't want to let the beast out when I'm angry. This is what I'm fearful of, what I can't control."

Milo's eyes bore into mine for a few moments before he pushes off the tree and walks towards me. He extends his arm and places it delicately on my cheek, blue eyes softening with understanding and courage. "Nate," he starts with a gentle whisper. "You'd never hurt me. Beast mode or not. It's still you in there, even if it feels like a second skin. You might have lost control before but that was because of legitimate reasons."

I flourish when he strokes his thumb against my cheek. My skin heats up and I close my eyes for a brief moment. "Right now it's just us. Let me see, Nate. Let me in."

"Okay," I rasp and inhale the biggest breath I've ever taken. "But you might have to say things to get him moving. Being all cute and lovey-dovey doesn't budge a single thing in there."

He pouts at me. "And I was here thinking I could coax him out with my lovely words."

"He's a death machine, Milo. Not a cuddly bear." I state the truth.

The corner of his mouth tweaks. "Fair enough."

I urge Milo to stand back, he moves to where he stood a few moments ago by the tree. I watch him carefully as he leans back again, crossing his arms over his chest. "Okay, remember how angry you were when you found out that Henry had done something to me."

Instant spark inside my chest. My nostrils flare and my wolf runs around in circles inside me. It's a memory I've wanted erased from my mind since it happened but all I can think is that Milo is here with me now. He's safe. I take a breath and I press into the resistance.

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