fifty; slapped

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I thought watching Nate leave would make me feel better. Instead it made me feel a thousand times worse.

He will be better off without me. I'll only continue to drag him down and I never want to extinguish that light that shines so bright inside him. He should live, he should soar.

But it still fucking hurts. Like I've swallowed razor blades.

I've run out of tears to cry. I'm exhausted yet awake. My mind won't allow me to sleep because of the intense emotions I'm suddenly feeling. The thought of using sex to distract me makes me feel disgusted–no one will ever compare to Nate.

I'm happy with dying alone as long as my mate lives a life that serves him well.

I will never serve him well. It's inevitable.

My door cracks open and I don't glance to see who it is. I know it's not Nate because my wolf isn't howling inside me at his scent, he knows when he's nearby. But he's as far away as possible. It's for the best. He just doesn't know it yet.

Instead Reign's sweet scent filters through my room and I can't bear the thought of entertaining a conversation right now. I stare blankly at the wall and feel my bed dip beside me but I don't look up.

"Hey," she says gently. "How are you feeling?"

All I can manage is a pathetic shrug. She deserves more but I've got nothing left to give.

A hand is placed on my forearm gently. "Talk to me, Milo. I hate seeing you like this."

"Nothing to say," I murmur.

"If this is about what Everett said," she pauses and I close my eyes, blanking out the agony he left me in. "Then you need to realise that he was being a massive fucking asshole. Everything he said was rude, obnoxious and downright wrong. You have been doing so well with your progress, you have made me so proud."

When I thought I had run out of tears, I thought wrong. "Don't, Reign."

"I was furious with him," her voice is clipped. "When he told me and we couldn't find you anywhere, I've never been so angry. It hurt me, what he said. He's been beating himself up about it since, I've certainly been giving him a hard time because I don't recognise that man who said those nasty things. That's not the mate I know."

"What he said is true," I rasp beneath my tears.

"No," she squeezes my arm. "It's not. He was worried about my condition. You saved my life. Without you being there, I would have died pointblank. Everett wanted someone to blame that wasn't himself. Where was he when it was happening? You were the one who saved me, who fought off the wolves to get me to safety."

My eyes clench shut. "He said Nate will leave me because of my baggage, I use my addiction as an excuse."

"Bullshit," she shakes her head. "Both are bullshit. Nate cares about you, he doesn't care about your past or your addiction. He cares about you. Regardless of baggage, he will never leave your side."

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