Moonbeam Bender | blog memoir 2 | complete and on Amazon

November 11, 2023 A.M.

Last night I slept the way through the whole night. I wasn't expecting that as I had a mocha, But because I had a mocha, I ended up with a PTSD, nightmare, caffeine or induced! all I know is it was airport security style security at a swimming pool which was not exactly my finest dreamed to have or should I say night terror as I slept right through it. That being said, I was not exactly thrilled to wake up from that and note, that was just a dream. No, but I wanted to dream something like this. It was kind of disturbing. Think that this kind of thing might happen sometimes but it was just a PTSD nightmare. It was just sad because it had to involve airport security! I ended up having Some breakfast it was a chocolate chip muffin. It was very quiet for a while until...... That being said, I'm having a good day. Except for the fact that I had that PTSD nightmare and the fact that it's not snowing out so I can't make any money! That being said, I was not very happy about seeing the sunshine. I am happy to see the sunshine, but this case not so much because I was going to make some money off of shoveling. Someone lied to me and said I was going to snow today, which is not an OK thing to me is lie to me or anyone else for that matter fact, I found that just a pain in the ass! Maybe their phone lied to them or something but I highly doubt it they were just trying to get my goat I think!

It might be a nice sunny day, but it is not a frugal day for me because I'd like to be able to go about making money. As well as I enjoy doing chores from time to time to get some of my frustrations from the night before off of my Mind or my skin I should say! That being said, I won't be getting very much off my squirrel And as far as I'm concerned, today is remembrance day, which is not too bad, but it's kind of sad to go through to see how many people have suffered for our freedom and the better of the human race. Suffering they either gave up their lives, health or mental health for us to have our freedoms. That being said, there is one dictator, I wish I can get rid of........... The full moon the full moon is something I despise this is probably what caused me to lose out on bingo the other day, and was not very happy to begin with that week. I was not very interested. It won't be coming till the 27th I believe, but still as a dictator to me the full moon can make you feel like sh*t! But other than that, I am very interested in seeing if there's gonna be the news on about the different ceremonies for remembrance Day. The last time the TV was on for remembrance Day I was looking at the face of Romeo Delaire, one of my heroes! He was a peacekeeper in Rwanda, who ended up with PTSD, and had to overcome that. Still think he's still overcoming that. That being said, I believe that his book shake hands with the devil, had helped me in many ways that a psychiatrist appointment would never done any jack sh*t! Let's just say that I remember reading the book and watching the movie that I was able to relate to him more than the happy reign man who ended up being nothing but happy! At least with Romeo, I was able to note that I was actually with the same issues with my emotions and my trauma. That's when I decided for my own diagnosis of PTSD. This way, I would not suggest doing would be kicking your parents car that one was just bad behaviour on my part, but I did get what I want but I wouldn't suggest doing it! What I would suggest, is reading the book about Romeo Delaire, to see what kind of troubles are going on in the world, and that the world is not exactly a cakewalk!

You might if I'm in the doom and gloom but I'm not but it's just that I wanna make some money off of some snow particularly shovelling the snow. That being said, I'm not exactly tickled that it was a bright sunny day but I'm actually happy that it is now. We don't get to see these very much in this time of year when it's snowing and stuff so But anyway, it was very aggravating to see the sun. I was like there's no snow and I wanted to snow so I could shovel the snow and have some extra money in my pocket or plastic pocket as I call it for my tattoo find or whatever else in my ear find or see in my life. I was lucky enough that I did not have to see  Very much yesterday that I couldn't trade off. That was pretty good yesterday that I was able to trade instead of spend the money that was supposed to be for tattoos and piercings. That being said, I'd rather be doing the trading in the bargaining system than the actual  Taking the money and giving it to them. Though that is important in this society, I think money is a pandemic from China that is older than the virus or the COVID-19 virus! For the First coin was invented in China I believe and that's what started this whole sh*t show! And now people either have to pay or steel to get something they want I'd rather pay, but still I call it the fun factor that is not so fun. It is a very bad pandemic This money is. I think you can do a lot more with trading your stuff for other stuff or other services instead of going around with the pain in the ass In your wallet Burning a hole in your pocket. I don't think that money should be very exactly useful. I don't even think that this bitcoin and cashless society is very important to me either! What I think is that we should be able to trade our ancestors used to trade for this for that and we done with that and then find something else to trade and get what we want The root of evil is low money, and the low for money as well. I should know because when I ended up going to bingo one day, I ended up having a complete sh*t fit. Which I am not too happy about it. I was a complete asshole that day!

Don't ask me why, but I like these kind of trees in the winter time these baked winter trees that are practically dead to the world for six months of the year. There is something about them you can create with your imagination and stuff. That being said, I enjoy them when they have a little bit of leaves on them, but this is a lot better when they don't have waves as a sunny day! I know I was cursing about the sunny day, but when you actually look at the bear trees in the sunlight, it's a lot easier than to see them when it is dreary out. I'd rather be able to see this that I have taken a picture of and be able to enjoy the site and what I can come up with as well as there was a cloud. That I saw. The cloud To me is assigned that a higher power loves you even though you may not believe in God or whatever is feel something that is something that smiling at you just as long as it's not overcast I'm fine, but I just wish it was a sprinkling of snow that I could go and shovel the snow. But I guess he can't always get your way at some points. So I'm done with a sunny day I might end up going for a drive later! But I don't know! By that I mean, going out later to see the sun. It's wonderful to see the sun out at this time of year because it's very rare to see the sun at this point this is where I end up with SAD orseasonal affective disorder, where is just one of the many commodities I suffer from with my PTSD. Seasonal factor disorder. I think is a lot worse. Because it triggers my PTSD. In a way. That is not even right. There's being said seasonal effective disorder sucks! Even affect you when you're having a cloudy day it's not snowing it has to be raining really hard or a day and you just in a sh*t mood for the rest of the day. Can I affect you for days and sometimes mine if it's the winter. That's why I despise the winter to begin with! But just like Thomas Harvey's the dark rustling I think that was the name of the bird. I think I will be trying to make a better view of winter point of view I should say and try to sing even though it is a pain in the arm with winter, you can't go to the thrift store you can't do that without being driven and stuff like that!

Oh, the joys of being in a winter country why you have to deal with the snow and the muck and everything else. It's not as bad as it is at Christmas time or this time of winter but it is when it February or March 20 just wanted to be over with and he don't want to deal with winter anymore. But when at Christmas time everything is so exciting and cheery. Sometimes it can be that way and February or March and those first snowfall but can be still a pain in the arse afterwards! I'd recommend trying to get out in winter to do stuff I usually do photography if I can help myself. That being said, I remember one of my brothers going around making me  take a walk all around Ottawa during the Christmas time and it was freezing and I did not enjoy that so I don't really go out in the winter to go for a walk either using the snow will take up the Mailbox before I can go because of my idiot brother (s)! That being said, I don't enjoy, taking a walk and winter time or early spring cause boys it cold and that triggered a lot of things for me not just emotions but other things like cursing and swearing and other behaviours!

So I better be thankful for today that it is just plain sunny and there is no snow that's pissing me off. That being said, I wish I could have some snow so I can shovel it and be done with it that being said, I wish it was that simple that snap my fingers and make it snow when it's not even snow weather. But I just wish to make some extra money. To shove my tattoo fund! That being said, I am also interested in going back to dating my boyfriend not that we broke up, but just to see him again without the constraints of basketball or the Special Olympics! Let's just say the other team don't like it, and it pisses me off!