Moonbeam Bender | blog memoir 2 | complete and on Amazon

November 21, 2023 A.M.

So I was talking to my friends 24 hours ago, not exactly 24 hours ago and I'll be really exhausted but they said that they didn't not want me to talk to the idiot again. That being said, I was more than willing and more than happy to not talk to him again, because last time I talked to the idiot, I ended up with the nightmare of the size of taxes of PTSD nightmare of the variety! So that being said, I was very happy when they said, don't even think about talking to him calling him or anything like that which was fine I said I wasn't even gonna think of doing doing that in the first place anymore! Also, I am able to start dating now. Even though I still am detoxing, it's still the fact that I can still date is a wonderful thing. I don't have to put a timeframe on myself! It just means I have to think about myself a little more but I learned the hard way when you're breaking up with someone don't do it on f*cking social media, That is opening A whole different can of worms or if you're siren head going into a different forest that you don't know about. Is uncharted territories and it's not very good idea to start that kind of a sh*t show if you ask me. That is one take away is that I am not to go. Talk to anyone about it on social media except for the people that already know unfortunately. Other than that I don't wanna talk about it on So for me dear unless someone else asked me why am I single! A dating question, which is completely natural!   And this was what I would say- I have had too many toxic relationships. I'm just detoxing for a while, but I can still date! I know that sounds really awkward. Almost to the point where it sounds like it doesn't make any sense but half the stuff you're gonna know I don't make any more sense out of!

Also, I was creating some drawings yesterday. This one was about cobra Kai, the TV show not the dojo itself! It was more less than mindfulness Is key. Which is true that's a Miyagi do thing! Also, could've been an Eagle fang idea or an idea for cobra Kai if they had watched where they stabbed. The idea is that the show talks about anger management and mindfulness. Something that is very important to me. Is to teach about mindfulness through cleaning, as well as other stuff like cleaning and other rituals that'll help Build your body up instead of trying to tear it down like let's say eating junk food or feeling sorry for yourself. If you clean your most likely gonna be a lot stronger and a lot healthier you'll be able to do a lot more things. Because it's a form of exercise! That being said, I'm very interested in going to my cleaning job tomorrow. Which is going to be interesting. What I'm gonna do is basically the checklist but anyways, it's a very good way to work for some money and work off some calories and frustrations. This is my idea of the Clean mind clean space. If you know what I mean, it means if you got clean space you got a clean mind not NSFW wise! Happiness wise is very important. I wasn't very well clean at the job very well, and it was not doing me any good mentally Until I started discovering that there was a checklist, and I could use that checklist for And advantage! I.e. making more money! I.e. keeping my job and sanity! That being said, I believe in Miyagi do As well as the idea of Eagle fang, Strange name by the way, but that's beside the point is that the show talks about mindfulness through cleaning meditation through cleaning which is very interesting. I've mentioned this so freaking many times is my favourite show because I clean one thing I'm good at other than what is it photography, modelling wrap, and other stuff!

I have started dating Way before the conversation started with me not talking to Jack ass for the rest of my life which is fine because it's for my mental health. And his which I don't really care too much about I'm going to hell for saying that! But he was not really a good person to be around. He was not too sensitive to my ideas or anything for that man. I think he was using me for bracelets! Like I have that kind of freaking money. So I was about ready to sound off like So had sooner or later. It was better now than later. When I was gonna end up using the F word and stuff that was going to get me in even extra sh*t! That being said, I'm gonna be treating the relationship whenever that will be with the decency and respect that it deserves to be treated with. Another word if I wanna break up with the person I'm gonna either video chat or not even bother instead of just trying to follow my friends advice and saying try to break up friendly and well that kind of blew up in my f*cking face, Leading to another Facebook that I had to create as well as leading to a freaking messy break up the likes I haven't seen before because why I have to go to basketball tonight and I have to deal with this sh*t head! Which is not my idea of a fun time I wish I could just sound off like siren head, but I'm not exactly having that luxury because I could lead the legal problems and remember the last time I had a messy break up the person threaten me was going on and I just don't wanna deal with that sh*t In my life, dealing with a threat for legal action and will extra legal action I.e. Guantánamo Bay! I don't want to be threatened with prison or a orange onesie, so I'm just not even gonna bother blowing my stack at the guy. I'm just gonna say well I wish it was a law against him and his new girlfriend! And I already know who that is. Because if I was able to go and just move on like that, snapping a fingers, then I'm pretty sure he is moving on and he's probably gone with my arch enemy.

So I'm just exploring people not their bodies just exploring people as in their mind and personality seeing what they're like and what they're not like what they're gonna be like I'm using online dating as a screening to see if they are up to snuff for me! A luxury I wish I had with Jack asked to begin with. But I did not have that experience. It could've saved me a lot of problems. Like night terrors, and other horrible things that I've been going through mentally and emotionally! That being said, if you really know the person inside out in real relationships are good but if you don't, I would suggest meeting them online first beforehand and then seeing if you're compatible before seeing each other in person I didn't have that! And tell the truth and sadness because I did not have the right capabilities to screen him to see if he's OK or not. OK or not meaning if he was gonna be a decent human being or not I know some people say well you're making some really big act, Asians, or that I was painting him as a, bad guy but is a literally Normal straight guy! And those are The kind that usually tend to cheat a lot. And I don't trust them with the sh*t there might be some good ones, but I don't see that ever happening! Sorry for that little bit of hate there but it is true normal straight guys for 90% of the time 10 do like to cheat. That being said, I am was not very excited that I was with a normal straight guy who was going to cheat on me. There is a 10% who are pretty good and decent but I just can't seem to find them! Call it beginners Bad luck or something to that effect but it's just a lack of the draw that I get the cheaters. It's been like that since I started dating after high school was like that when I was dating in high school. As I've had a deal with a lot of shit!

Let's just say I made quite a few mortal enemies with dating because of well I wasn't me that was making the mortal enemies. It was the guys who were being jackasses Cheating on me when they shouldn't figure out the wrong ethnicity to cheat with! As I am who I am either take it or leave it and I did not do either one of those and they ended up getting I really mousey and very vile mouse person if it was not my idea to have these kind of relationships that were broken. But, I'm hoping that the next one will not be too too broken. But as I said, I'm hoping that it'll be either a A woman, a non-binary or a transgender female either way I'm not dealing with normal man anymore because they've dealt with me too many pain and suffering! With the idea of them cheating all the time and lying the lies I tell you or something I can't even tell you!

For example, one time there was a guy who had said he was more involved with his job than he was with me. That was a bullsh*t and lie right there. I did not believe that and I deleted him right away. Also, I've had a very good habit of ghosting people if you ever read about my exes poem! Which did not paint me in a very good light the other rack not the recent one. That being said, I don't want to deal with either one of them so I'm happy.    All I have to do is that the next time I get mad or I'm in a relationship that I just treat it with the respect and dignity that it deserves! Which is compassion and kindness. Which I can do if I can put my mind to it it's not like I'm an evil person that I'll tell you. Not exactly my idea of a f*cking good time, Nor having to make a new stupid Facebook! I literally HAD to create a new Facebook just to keep certain people away, people that are associated with jackass, and I'm not talking about the movies!