Moonbeam Bender | blog memoir 2 | complete and on Amazon

November 18, 2023 Late A.M

I created Some self portraits some are more accurate than others. This one was more accurate the first one which was me giving the finger while blowing a kiss. That one I did for my Facebook page, Diamond sherpa! That being said to give the finger to anyone who is a narcissist, or who is very toxic in my life. This is basically why I created this and I made myself look like a goth, well I am at hard as well as clothing at some standards. I am a Goth and I like to do goth things. That being said, I am very interested in making self portraits that will be very interested. Most of them are creepy pastors, but these are what I've been at this morning for the past while is that I've been been doing a lot of creepy past portraits just for the fun of it. Because I enjoy creepy pasta and doing certain things that are basically Halloween related even though Christmas is coming and I'm looking forward to Christmas still I am a creepy pasta and a horror fan at that! You might know that from my blog entries that I am a big horror and creepy pastor fan that I've always been interested in the scary and the McCobb. That being said it doesn't reflect my mood in anyway it just reflects my interest and my hobbies. When it comes to art. as I said, I even had a morning glory, siren head tattoo, ready to be tattooed anytime soon. That being said, I'm very interested in creepy pastor that much so that I made my floral tattoo design in the siren head. That not being a bad thing! I also like pop art And psychedelic stuff as well so I try to do a lot so psychedelic art and pop art! Creepy self, because that reflects who I am as a person not my mood. It has nothing to do with mood. It just shows what I was raised with not that I was in a horrible childhood or anything like that. It was just that I was raised on a good healthy dose of horror and scary things. The healthy kind not the kind that would give you PTSD, unless you are a whimp! That being said, I was not raised in war zone, so the frighten the horror and the scary things are more fictitious and that being said, I was more happy to be reading goosebumps to stand and Stephen King, and stuff like that they will send shoes down your spine any damn day of the week Which is very good for me. I think there's a healthy scare and an unhealthy scare of the unhealthy scare being being in a zone or Watching the news or something that will actually keep you up at night. It depends on the person and their preferences on what a healthy or scary scare would be! That being stated, I've been doing a lot of creepy self portraits because that's basically how I was raised, was on horror and spooky movies, and stuff like that!

This one is as me as the smile more Trevor Henderson smile room. I don't know what the smile room really entails. I know it's a Cryptid where you walk into a fall store, or be possessed by the smile room, and you end up, becoming infected by the smile room in this case, this particular creepypasta was of me being possessed or infected by the smile room. You can tell by the teeth teeth I did that one on my own. It was kind of interesting. I gave the person hair because I am growing my hair out longer and a lot nicer than what I have now now I am bald or trying or semi bald trying to grow my hair out again. I'll tell you what I look like when I was Long haired person, I was actually pretty good, and I know that I but I was very good looking and very pleasant to the eyes. That being stated, I was hoping to grow my hair out again so people wouldn't miss me even though I am non-binary. I say that for many reasons why because I identify with this rare gender, has non-binary! It's just the way things are with the way. I am anyways I am non-binary, and I am very happy to be part of LGBTQ, Community as far as gender, is concerned as far as my orientation I am pansexual bisexual. That being said, that's who I am. That has nothing to do with my actual Creepy pasta Self portraits that's just how I see myself after I have a nightmare or just because I feel like drawing something creepypasta like.  When I do creepy pasta! It's just for fun anyways. Yeah I find that creepy. Self portrait is dressed for fun as well as help for my mental health as well as it helps me and prove my mood to be creepy pasta and horror related! That is why when I went to go trick-or-treating, I went as the girl purge a girl version of purge, even though I was never seen the movie before, but I heard that it was scarier than f*ck! I am trying to look purge, for even though some people are warning me not to look for purge! I believe that horror movies are a healthy kind of scary that can help you along the way with whatever else if you find that that stuff is fine if you find the news is fine I kind of think something is wrong with you, but that's my opinion because I don't really like the news. It's not good it's not a good scare where is watching repo or saw or something to that effect is actually worth my time because it actually helps me sleep at night, don't ask why my brain is very different in some cases ! Do you know I am not anything of a personality disorder I believe that I have been raised with a lot of horror and spooky stuff that I love it and it helps me sleep at night!

Even though it affects my behavior, I also like the full moon. Even though half the time when I have the full moon, I lose my poop let's put it that way and go insane. I find that the full moon is a wonderful thing sometimes if you can see it coming. I am a Moon person. I have a lot of feminine energy as the moon is feminine! Even though I am non binary I still have a lot of feminine energy very little masculine energy fine in my opinion. But other people might have different opinions. Even though I look, but right now I'm trying to grow my hair out to be to be who I was beforehand and I find that to be keeping it real even though my hair is going to add and I'm gonna need a back scratcher just for my head because the friggin hair is going to add for a while but it does that all the time when I try to grow it out the last time it it it was because I had something etched into my head not a tattoo, but something etched like a head pattern in my hair and it itches like nothing believable! Believe I have had itchy, tattoos healing! So that being said, I have been very used to want to see it. I don't have anything down there, but I do it my head that itches and my new tattoo still itches from time to time but the trick is not to scratch the tattoo. That being said, I do follow that trick very quickly! That being said, I also believe that I have to show my feminine inside, because I had to with the moon, even though the moon can be a pain in the ass! I find that the moon is a beautiful thing and wonderful fall and winter. It shows that you can actually see that there's a lot of light and darkness even though it's dark dark, there's a lot of light in the darkness without the darkness where the hell is the light! This one shows me as the full moon winking! But other than that, I believe that I love the full moon, even though it screws with my emotions and my behaviour from time to time if I can see it coming, then I can actually feel it come on and then I can actually control it! The emotions and behaviours that Accompany the full moon!

The idea of doing my Self portraits, and I would be very happy to make it myself as other things or whatever I can come up with. I enjoy creating things that are spooky and macabre When it comes to my self portraits that I like to do! In the first place!   I am similar to Trevor Henderson in someways, except I don't do very much detail in my way passes or myself for friends that is very important simple as my mental health worker said keep it simple stupid! She said that one time, just not to offend me, but just to get a fire under my ass! So that being said, I'm very happy and about going around making simple three pictures. Sometimes I do a lot of detail, but I try to keep it simple at the same time so I can continue with the detail. It's very interesting to see how a simple thing like a full moon in this case can turn into a creepy pasta Self portrait, which is very interesting for my hobbies! I also like horror stuff I'm trying to write more horror horror instead of romance, because I am trying to heal from the idea of being in a relationship and that is very important to take a break from that for a year or so until I am fully able to go into another relationship I cannot decide to be in a relationship until then I'll be doing these self portraits. Some of them are very interesting. Some of them are Monday and some of them are just plain creepy and dark but they do not Reflect my mood in anyway instead, if I was going to show happy stuff on my self portraits, I would be more worried about my health and what I usually do because I am who I am take it or leave it! They're being said, I'd rather just be who I am and express myself the way I know how so I can help myself with the traumas of relationships Try to prepare for another one that might be a little bit better. Then the last traumatic relationship I am getting closer to finding someone who is decent human being! But it'll take a few months to a year or a year and a half. I finally find that person. Because I just rather not deal with my Bull and the other person's bullsh*t as well. It's not that I am adverse to anything it's just I'd rather be safe than sorry because the last relationship I had floundered. Because I was always thinking the guy was cheating on me, or was doing some of the effect now my goddamn fears are confirmed as far as that is concerned! But other than that I'd rather just forget about that guy and not deal with him anymore even though he said he would love to be friends I'd love to just be on my own for the next year and a half and not have to think about anything that's going to be catastrophic! Like having to be with him again as a friend or otherwise, I just said that to keep some of my friends happy!

That being said, it is what it is he was kind of nice, but he was not exactly too nice as he was not very excited about tattoos or piercings. He thought they were for bad people as if I was a bad person. No, I'm not so that being said he can go f*ck off! That being said I will try another relationship but If it doesn't work then we'll thems the breaks! I will keep trying!