Moonbeam Bender | blog memoir 2 | complete and on Amazon

November 16, 2023 A.M.

Sorry for not writing for so long. I have been busy with a lot of drama lately. Particularly, trying to dearth my mental health! That being said I had to break up with my boyfriend because of the deterimental effect that the relationship was doing to my mental health and behaviour! Let's just say things like bingo wouldn't have happened if it weren't for the idea that I was in that relationship to begin with that was my main concern to the point where I was almost ready to lose my job. I rectified that and I hope I can rectify the loss of the relationship and gain a friendship! That being said It was not an easy decision to make. I actually had a re-create a new Facebook that I wasn't too happy about but it was something that had to be done! I'm not giving you my Facebook, but I am gonna tell you that I will not be excepting his friends. Unless I find out that he accepts me as his friend. Not on Facebook, but in real life! That being stated it was a very sad indeed, for me to deal with. And to deal with altogether I'm just giving you a summary after I broke up with my boyfriend I found out the full extent of the damage the relationship was doing to my life particularly my job cleaning! This is a job that is very important to me so I had a rectify that before I can rectify anything else! That being said, I was able to rectify that I will not have to worry about losing anything. But I did not wanna have to give up the relationship, but I knew that if I did, I'd probably be fired. I'd probably be in a bad place another horrible things it was just a matter of Things where it was going to end up with an aggravated or amplified PTSD! That being stated, I'm going to try to be a little bit kinder to myself when it comes to things. Not that I am a barbarian and try to hurt my self, Negative thoughts towards myself, which have been the problem for me since day one of my existence! that being stated, I am very happy that I have been given the opportunity to apologize to him indirectly. And hopefully will be friends. I will give you an update on that later. Other than that, I haven't been doing very much except sulk and well for the first time in my freaking life, feeling sorry for myself! I was getting too crazy and stuff, but there were some good instances this week that have been good. One is........

I was able to rediscover So psychedelic art as you can tell with my siren head, as well as my other wendigo, That I did. It is very interesting to see the different Cryptids smoking something up inspead of me feeling sorry for my self! I am still a little business of creating Cryptids, but I am also in the business of doing other things that I hope are more constructive with my life. Also, I have been. To go talk to a friend that I have been friends with who is in the United States and we're going to be doing a joint YouTube channel called ducky, and the alien! Ducky is her name as that's her name on YouTube and I am the alien because I like space and other things. That being said, I am very happy that tonight will be the first night of the vlogging! I am also interested in the idea that being a drawing Vlog is very interesting for me because I am able to go and talk about thing and have a active car conversation with a friend without having an I am someone and also to be able to use that and put it on a recycled YouTube account that I have that I changed the ducky in the alien ! That being stayed that will be coming up tonight. Also, I was able to get my Covid and flu vaccines which were pretty good. They didn't hurt with a sh*t, no surprise there! And then I ended up getting some timbits, After lunch. Which was very good I didn't get an exploder which is something it has a flavoured jelly injected into it but I did enjoy what I had. Also, I started to wrap some more like as in hip-hop! I decided that I was going to heal myself someway through hip-hop instead of dealing with the aftermath of the emotions in a negative outlet. That being said, if I had not decided to go back to wrap music, I would've been mortal still in a funk! That I think is better than going to a psychiatrist and some cases because you actually get what you have to say out of your system right away without having up being prescribed anything that's gonna be detrimental to your health! I remember hearing that a girl ended up having Parkinson's because she ended up having too many depressants, but that could be a mess but then again we never know and I'm not gonna test that out. So I'm gonna be rapping for quite some time! My language in the rap music is a little foul. As there's no surprise with that as I have a bit of a foul mouth at times! And when I wrap, it's my psychiatrist so I end up wrapping and letting everything out even though sometimes it's language it should not be used. Sometimes it's important they say what you have to say and get it off your back! I'm gonna be working on My second album tomorrow night. As tonight I am busy with the Vlog! That being said, I can't wait for that.

I also started a couple of other things that might be interesting. I don't know what they are, but I just decided that I'll observe Christmas just a little bit and then go back to a tattooing. As that's important for me to keep my job at May meaning that I will not lose my job before I know that I have a tattoo coming up. I know that I have something to lose and then I cannot forsake the tattoo. Therefore, I cannot forsake the quality of the job. That being said, I am very happy that I was able to the list done! What boy does my back ever hurt?! I had a hell of a time waking up this morning thinking that my back was going to start singing and did. Singing in pain and it was not exactly my idea to you that may have read my blog before. Yes I can feel some physical pain it Hass to be muscular or skeletal Order for me to feel the pain, but I just curse and swear and get the pain over and done with. But it was better than being fired. At least I got something done. About the job and was able to get my job done properly but I also believe that that I also had cleaned up another mess that was not at my job, but in my heart as well! I was hoping that I'd be friends with my ex and hopefully not the bad accident this morning that just came up and hopefully will end up being a lot better off than the last time I had an accident where that was just a pain in my Pia and that was just annoying for me to deal with right there, so I decided no this time I'm gonna try to be friends and I am all about things. That part and all them because they break up with eating me alive So that was exactly my idea was having my conscience eat me alive like a flash, eating bacteria! It is kind of sad that you gotta let your emotions or your conscience and eat you alive like a flash, eating bacteria. It's kind of sad, but it is true. That's what I've had to deal with for the past f*cking week!
I don't know what started this whoke sh*t show, except for the idea of that I was able to do something I wanted. I guess that triggered a lot of emotions and I didn't wanna deal with. So I thought if I could deal with them my breaking up, that would be a lot more easier than dealing with them and going insane which was true but also, I feel like there's important things in life and trying to face your demon sometimes facing that means walking away from them specially if they're detrimental to your own Well-being! I am very excited that I might be friends with curt! But I am not too sure if that may happen or not I just hope it will but if it doesn't well, I'm still alive at least. I just didn't want to have to go through another show about me getting fired or me losing my mind.
I was able to given the choice and the opportunity To help myself and help him by apologizing. That was the best thing that I've ever done. Although I don't know about the relationship ever continuing again, but I know there might be a friendship if there is anything worth saving! We well see! That being said, I just hope that everything will be a lot better for me in the end as well as for my soon to be friend. Also, I'm excited about my joint vlog! I will continue for years to come. I know I said that about the relationship both my ex-boyfriend by kind of ruin that but this one I know there is boundaries it's called the border. So that is why I haven't been able to write for a long time! Jeez!
Also last night my friend go my some boots! Which I like I am wearing! Most high heels are comfortable to me! I don't know why!