Moonbeam Bender | blog memoir 2 | complete and on Amazon

November 27, 2023. A.M.

Last night I'm sorry if I didn't worry about yesterday, it was kind of a busy day, but anyways, last night was not too pleasant for me as I had a Big honker over nightmare. And I think it was an exactly a nightmare as it was a night terror as I woke up at 9 o'clock in the morning. This is 9:04 AM.! That being said, I have been dealing with a lot of stuff the nightmare, the honker over nightmare that was the The fact that my mother was having anorexia nervosa and was Refusing. That must mean that she may have been suffering in the life that she was there would know she had travelled the world and stuff! But I think, just like an anorexic she was suffering in silence. That being said, I don't know what she may have been suffering from. He may have been suffering from the fact that my father was an a But I think, just like an anorexic she was suffering in silence. That being said, I don't know what she may may have been suffering from. He may have been suffering from the fact that my father was an asshole! I remember him always yelling at her and stuff. I remember that very much so she just took it as if it was flu shot that being said This is where my hatred of the opposite sex comes from my man acting a fool. Towards women. Maybe putting two or two together maybe it was my father, being a jackass that was causing her to suffer internally that was not very pleasant! I must admit that my father wants to yelled at me a couple of times, but he didn't yell at me like he did my brother. Oh, they were terrified of him! I remember them telling me that my father was not too personable or that he was always screaming his head off. Was he doing the same thing to my mother and my mother didn't really talk about it! That being said, it was a nightmare on the last to see someone you loved. It was such a horrific way as self starvation, but that case was a symbolic way of saying that she was suffering internally! Could it have been the cancer that may have been the one that was causing her to suffer internally but I'm pretty sure it must've been a mental thing and emotional thing because of her man of death in the dream, which was anorexia!

That being said, I remember her also when she was in the nursing home, and that she would go on hunger strike just to get her point across that she didn't wanna be there. If I remember correctly, I think she died suffering like a dog. She didn't say anything about that. And it just like an anorexic. She just didn't say anything about the whole thing I was suffering. It was kind of disturbing the dream. I wish I could clean out my brain. Just forget about the whole idea of the nightmare! That being said, I am lucky to be alive and lucky to have loud mouth! That is what I think is that loud mouse make a lot more movement than people who suffer in silence. They don't do very much except well except they don't worry. It's more bad ass to talk about your problem and then it is too It up and nothing more but inside your mind suffering. That being said, as what I think! I am not a dream interpreter, nor and FBI profiler, but I do know that he must've been suffering something in silence, and didn't want to talk about it. That being said, maybe that's what the anorexia was Symbolizing in the dream. It was very disturbing to see her Why is the way looking like he was someone else completely racially when he died. That being said it was very disturbing to see that kind of thing. I would not hope to wish that on anyone's enemy is either mother suffer internally!  What is this the idea that my mother was suffering from things He couldn't talk about that she couldn't even fathom! I think she must've suffered a lot of demons in her life!

Really I think she must've been silent with her suffering because of the idea of that time of history one she was born and you weren't supposed to talk about your problems supposed to keep them inside be a growing up. I think that was a philosophy back then. Although if you were a guy, you were supposed to be tough and masculine and not talk about your problems although my father was allowed mouse, Schnuck, who like to talk about, everything in a fire lungs voice!I really think that my mother was suffering from kind of some void that was inside her that couldn't be avoided, and she managed to avoid it by not mentioning it to her grave. I don't know what it was!  I know she was an alcohol, but I know she was a small fat but enough to cause her aesthetic liver cancer. That being said, I was pretty sad when she passed away. But I think it could've been avoided. Had she been able to talk more about her problems not with me or anyone else but with someone else maybe. Then maybe that he was still alive!That being said, I think she's trying to guide me now in this life to avoid me from suffering the same fate. Not that I might have that fade. Suffering and silence. I've done that once before and I still want my money back i.e. grade 8! That was a sucky School yearsAs I was suffering in silence, but I was not suffering in the form of an anorexia or an addiction but I was suffering in silence, because I refuse to talk about my problems. Maybe my father is an asshole who was going through the idea in my head and I was just gonna be So work about it, but that didn't really help!

I'm very sorry that I had the dream (night), but I think it was her way of telling me through this smear world, because I remember waking up at the witching hour. She was telling me not to suffer in silence not that I have lately, but I may have been sort of when I was in that sh*t relationship.Also, one in grade 8, that may have been another contributing factor for me to suffer in silence for a while when I was in grade 8, as well as the crap relationship that I was in! Maybe she was trying to tell me something herself that I shouldn't go through that ever again! No, I do have a loud mouth to talk about my problems freely where I am now, but I still fear that she might be suffering in the next life in the spirit she might've been suffering to as well!

I practice witchcraft sometimes, and I think that the idea of eternal damnation should not exist, but is there someway that could exist. In some forms. In the spirit realm that are not in the form of the devil! As I said, once in my YouTube channel, there is a whale for the good people as well. As around for the worst people on the planet maybe she may have been put in with The worst of the worst by accident forever to suffer. And silence again. I don't know, but that's what her soul is more or less giving me signals about!

That being said, still Samhain, The time when the veil Has been lifted from the spirit and the material world maybe that was the same thing with the red and the Facebook that it was the same thing with the witching hour that is similar to Samhain And That the veil decides to lift every once in a while on the witching hour, just like on Halloween. So that being said, maybe she needed to Access me for the reason of telling me he was suffering, both of the material realm, as well as the spirit realm!

If you didn't know anything before, I am psychic, clairvoyant and empath! I am always interested in the spirit world. As far as I'm able to come in with it in the realm of dreams! The spirit realm is no different from Facebook or space, or any social media for that matter where you can be friended by anyone and everyone! Is the same thing with the spirit realm any spirit and contact you from the spirit realm during these weird times of day or whatever it's kind of strange to be psychic clairvoyant and an empath. It's like being forever on Facebook and getting friend requests!