Moonbeam Bender | blog memoir 2 | complete and on Amazon

November 19, 2023 A.M.

Well, last night, I ended up seeing some pictures of my ex in a Facebook group. I'm not gonna say which Facebook group is for the sake of the privacy of the group, because it is a good group to begin with, but they just had to put his Ridiculous picture on Facebook causing me later on in the night last night wanting to To do something really drastic with my life. That much to say without worrying anyone! It was not exactly a fun night last night as I was going through the motions of not having to go on YouTube last night that wasn't exactly my fun thing it wasn't because someone told me I couldn't it was because the well that is just sh*t in a bowl right now! That being said, I was not very happy. That's what triggered me the most! I was not exactly happy, and I said that I did not have a very good week. And that my life was a pile of horsesh*t! It felt like it at the time because I've been dealing with a lot of stress and disappointment, as well as stress and anger, particularly towards my ex. It was not exactly my idea to wake up at this time of morning 2:06 But it had to be done because it's something that had to be said that my ex was basically an asshole some of my friends say that he wasn't and a whole but to me I think he was really trying to get out of the relationship and he was trying to date someone that I'm not exactly enthused about her name is Heather!

Let's just say that Heather, I don't really care about her privacy settings. Let's put it that way and she is. I had a bit of a spat a couple of times. Let's just say when I say hello you should say hello back it's just politeness and all its terms, even if you're going to block where you say hello to me for you do so and done with it. It's so easy to say hello to someone and ask make sure was day a lot better but she doesn't. He just ignores me or she just says stupid sh*t Behind my back. Or making my life a little more complicated than it usually is. That's one suspect the other one was Laura Bradshaw, who was a real toxic little bitty! Why is she caught that I was dating my ex she end up going completely kill Bill on me And started showing her toxic side of her nature, and it was not exactly my cup of tea. It was just the idea that these two women were really horrible to me, and I think one of them or both might be dating him. That being said, I'm not very excited about having to say that stuff! Truth be told I care too much about these women because they either wouldn't let me add them on their Facebook, which is a bad sign or they don't have Facebook, which isn't even worse sign! And that is what it is it is what it is there are some whoes Out there love life miserable. Your life living hell particularly in the railway department. There's a lot of better and very a lot of narcissistic Mickey Valen, as well as sadistic and toxic people who are going to make your life just a pile of BM! We all know what that means that means it's gonna be a pile of crap. I've dealt with these types of Machiavellian people, They say the narcissist, as well as a toxic person who will make life a living hell never more!

The one thing keeping me from trying to do anything stupid is rap music! In other words, producing rap music from my own heart to someone else's ears is the only way I can keep myself sane. I am about ready to cry at the thought of this! Rap music is the only thing that is my lifeline! I am screwed as I have never really filled this down before usually when I do, I have to do rap music to build myself up. Not to sound tough or bad ass but to be tough and bad ass and talk about my feelings what comes into my dreams in the night and stuff like that is the only way I can help myself! So that is the only thing that is keeping me from trying to do something stupid other than the fact that I have people around me that care about me is rap music if it wasn't for that I probably would be gone by now If there was that sad, I was  was really in the sh*tter! Why because I have to go to basketball and I don't want to go because I know my ex and his whoes Will be there for certain. Or he might be kissing someone or God knows what else he does, behind my back that now may be more apparent to me.  As for my rap music, I go by the name, wickid, And the first album that's coming out will be called love is Guantánamo Bay! That is the first album I said I was out of the pure despair that I went through. When he said he wanted to be friends. I just couldn't handle that for a fact that he might be doing something else with another girl or God knows what! Trying to keep it PG rated but that's what he is doing so I am up rap about everything in my music and I found that it was a lot easier on my soul to rap!   Since I cannot see a psychiatrist yet, I do rap music and even if I do see a psychiatrist sometime, I will be going to continue with the wrap music because it's the only thing that's gonna keep My head exploding. That being said, I always wanted to be a rapper since I was in seventh grade I always listened to rap music!