TA•BOO | Jordan P. Story

CH. 032

3 months later....

Giselle H.

I opened my eyes as the gloomy rays shined through my curtains. I picked my phone up, seeing I had a miss call followed by a text from my boss Mr. Timothy West.

"Hey Giselle, sorry for calling so early. I didn't get an answer so I assumed you were still sleeping. I know today is your off day, but I was just wondering if you could come in today and do some editing with our new Intern Stephanie."

I let out a soft sigh. Looking at the date I realized today marked 3 months since I lost my baby and got that God awful text from Jordan. After that day I went into deep depression. I didn't contact anyone; not my mom, sister, dad, no one. The pain and hurt I was feeling was so immense I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I turned down the job with ESPN in Connecticut. Instead took a job at Vogue as an editor. The pay was good and allowed me to still keep up with my lifestyle.

As far as dating; I'm done. I'm never giving myself to anyone else. All men do is build you up to tear you down. I was a good woman; I knew how to be a good girlfriend or wife. I always somehow end up with the short end of the stick twice. I just couldn't understand why my luck was the way it was. I felt like I put nothing but good vibes and energy into the atmosphere, and all I got in return was shit. I blocked Jordan on everything and anything that had to do with him. Once I came to terms with everything that happened I then felt resentment set in. I hated him... I hated him because he made me feel more hurt than I've ever felt in my life.

I took a complete step away from the NBA. I didn't want to have any possible contact, or run ins with Jordan. Of course Steph and Ayesha check in with me time from time, but I've made it very clear that I do not want Jordan being brought up. I hate him and want to erase him from my memory.

I unlocked my phone responding to my boss. I let him know that today was not a good day for me and suggested for my coworker Jessica to step in. She was equally as good as me when it came to editing and writing. I knew she'd be more than capable of getting the job done. After responding to Timothy's message I threw my phone on the bed and begin getting ready for the day. Today felt different. I was sad, I felt significantly sadder than I did during month 1 and 2 anniversary. Through bloodwork I found out the baby was a little boy. This broke my heart even more to know Jordan was going to get just what he wanted, while shattering my heart in the process.

I looked in the mirror at myself not recognizing the girl looking back at me. I was visibly smaller sitting at 135 lbs. The glow I once radiated no longer showed. I hated myself, I hated my life. I just felt like I was coasting along and I hated it. I thought about therapy, but honestly I just didn't want to do that. My family tries to reach out to me, but I've isolated myself. I have no energy for anyone. Imani shared with us that she and Moses were expecting. She found out a few days after I was released from the hospital. She was actually further along than I was, but she was still getting her periods. She was 4 months, stomach still flat has can be. It came as a shock to us all, but my parents were genuinely happy and so was I. She's 7 months now and showing for sure. I ask her to send me pictures and updates; she's having a baby girl.

Reality set in for me during her baby shower that we were going to be raising our babies together had mine made it. After my D&C procedure, I found out I had endometriosis. Signs did not show up until I started stressing over my baby and everything. Moving forward the doctor explained to me that future pregnancies would be challenging, but not impossible. That's really when depression set in. I felt like my dreams of motherhood just kept being snatched from up under me. Even though I had my family and friends in my corner, I still felt so alone in all of this.