(Un)Break me - Rhea Ripley x reader

Walls

heyy, some background story from the real Rhea in this chapter
tw// self-harm, depression, anxiety

That's what you do when you love somebody

Rhea's POV

Apartment 22.

That's where we were staying during these weird times. It is Y/N's apartment and even though she's been to my house more times than I could possibly count, staying at hers sort of helps with everything (I think). This apathy she's in, it is mostly a facade. I can see it eating out on her from inside out, the darkness within taking over her eyes. The apathy is due to her walls. We all have walls to protect those we love from being pulled into this abyss. The only problem is that we end up drowning if there's no hand to help. It is like Y/N is locked inside the walls she built around herself for protection but that now did more harm than good. She has this bad habit of making the walls higher when she feels vulnerable, it seems.

It only made her more isolated and trapped into a haze.

It made me think of myself.

Y/N knows about my self-harm past, but I don't think she actually understands what it means: I don't think Y/N is aware I know the void, though extremely heavy, feeling of numbness. For some reason she also puts this distance between us sometimes, like I was a flawless human being while she's the container of all damage. It couldn't be further away from the truth. We all have flaws.

Mine just happen to connect to hers.

So I stayed. And I always would.

Regardless, it shattered every part of me to see her so close yet so far away. It has been taking me some time to fall asleep as I think about the dark times I faced and how things affected me to the point I'd self-harm just to feel something. I was alone when I needed the most in my life and I would never wish that upon Y/N. I didn't want to leave her alone for one second, even if my own heart was hurting with the fact she pushed me away.

That's why I keep coming home, cooking her dinner and overall just helping her. On top of that, I would be lying if I said I didn't miss us in my king size bed. Chest to chest, toe to toe . Here, her bed is way smaller and somehow she seemed miles away from me.

In the middle of the night, I felt the bed shake beside me, followed by sniffles and a very irregular breathing. When I open my eyes and they try to adjust to the darkness, I can see Y/N rocking back and forth as she pulls her hair. Despite her insomnia, I have never seen her in such distress, though she told me it would happen from time to time.

"I like when you're beside me. Especially at night. Keeps the demons away." Y/N said quietly as she cuddled my arm. Her eyes were closed and she had a happy expression on her face. She's so cute when she's falling asleep.

She always admits things she probably wouldn't say wide awake.

"You know... I eat, sleep, bleed the demons in your dreams." I joke while running my fingers lightly on her arm. She was wearing one of my old cut-out shirts to sleep.

"Shut up." She says faking anger but laughter keeps escaping her lips. She punches my side playfully.

"What? You sound like it is true!."

"Well, it is."

We stay silent for a little longer but her breath tells me she's still awake.

"Y/N, what do you mean?" I ask despite having a feeling of already knowing what the answer would be.

"It's exactly what you're thinking." Looks like she was getting good at reading me too. "The quietness of the nights make my thoughts too loud...and loud thoughts lead to breakdowns." I pulled her closer and her legs curled around mine while I wrapped both my hands around her body. Her cheek smashed against my clavicle.

"I'm so sorry, love." I stroked her hair.

"It's ok. It's not your fault and also, you being around keeps them far away." I kiss her head.

After some time, I was almost falling asleep when I heard her whisper.

"Thank you for staying."

—

I have never actually witnessed one of her breakdowns, so I grow worried when I notice her state.

"Princess, are you ok?" I asked but the answer was pretty obvious. Y/N got startled by my voice but didn't say anything in return. I turned on the lamp beside me, noticing she was trying to muffle out the painful sobs by pressing her hand against her mouth. Trying to keep the walls from crumbling down. Tears fell from her eyes as she did it. Her breath was getting shorter and she quickly got out of bed, running to the living room.

"Moon?" I asked carefully as I slowly walked towards her, not wanting to startle her again.

"I'm ok Demi, go back to sleep. I'm ok." I noticed she called me by my real name, which is something she wouldn't normally do. But then again, nothing about the whole situation was too normal, therefore I decided to bury it in the back of my mind. Y/N's voice was so croaked it was impossible to believe her. I don't think she believed it. It was probably her defense mechanisms acting up as if they were telling her to push me away. Fucking walls .

"You don't have to lie to me, moon." She was unsteady, I could see it by how wobbly she was and my instincts kicked in, pulling her into a hug just before her knees buckled. I sat us both down on the floor and tried calming her while she cried intensely, apologizing over and over again. No matter how many times I'd tell her she had nothing to say sorry for and that she should just let it all out, it wasn't getting through her head. Noticing it wasn't working, I just soothed her the best I could, praying that my presence would be enough.

It was a long night. She would calm down but then break down again even harder than before, bringing a new wave of loud sobs. My heart wrenching every time. I'm thankful she couldn't see my face because it was impossible to hold back my own tears when I saw how much pain those stupid walls brought her.

I just want you to be ok. Is what I kept thinking to myself.

When she seemed to have no tears left, Y/N looked up to meet my eyes as if saying 'I think I'm done'. I kiss her head gently and carry her back to the bedroom, noticing how limp she felt. Like all her strength was pulled out of her. I made sure to take extra care as I laid her on the bed and covered her body. Precious and fragile things need special handling . And at that moment she was both.

The second I laid down as well, I pulled her closer to me in hopes of letting her know that I'm here for her and that I would always be.

As long as she wanted me too.