Can You See My Heart? (Pontevedra Series #4)

Kabanata 41

Free.

Hinayaan ko ang malamig na tubig na tumama sa aking paa. The wind is making my hair dance and it's making me feel, at least, at peace. I can also see the moon's reflection on the water. It was crescent like my favorite necklace. The stars are shining brightly. Iyon lang nag nagsisilbing ilaw ko rito sa dalampasigan.

I took a deep breath before drinking on the bottle of Tequila. I just finished praying for the soul of my little baby. Tiningala ko ang langit at nakita ang isang makinang na bituin.

They say that the stars were the people who left us. They're just above us and watching us on every step we will take. I don't know if it's a good think or no. I feel like it's in between. It's good because I know that my baby is watching me. But it's also sad to think that I can see her or him but I can't even touch him. I can't even hug him. The stars were so close yet so far, just like my baby.

"Hindi ka nagdinner?"

Natigil ako sa pagmumuni-muni nang may magsalita sa likod ko. Pasimple ko pang pinunasan ang luha ko dahil naupo siya sa tabi ko. Hindi na ako nag-abala pang tumingin sa nagsalita. For almost a month that we've been in one roof, I am slowly getting used to his presence. Bigla-bigla na lang siyang sumusulpot.

"Nagdidinner na ako," natatawang sabi ko sabay taas ng Tequila na hawak.

He didn't answer me that's why I looked at him. He was looking at me like he's reading my mind. Natawa ako nang mahina. Why didn't I notice that he and Rei were resembling each other?

"You're poisoning yourself," sabi niya na umiling pa.

Ngumuso na lang ako. Wala naman akong ire-rebut doon dahil totoo naman ang sinasabi niya. Ever since that happened, dumidepende na naman ako sa alak. Pakiramdam ko kasi lahat ay sariwa pa. Parang kahapon lang nangyari ang lahat pero mas masakit ang nangyayari ngayon.

Xander doesn't need to answer my questions cause I already knew the answers. Akala ko kapag nakuha ko na ang mga sagot, matatahimik na ako. Hindi pala. Mukhang mas mahihirapan na naman ako.

I badly want to runaway again, just like what I did before. I want to leave the Philippines again but running away won't change everything. Walang mangyayari. I'll still suffer.

I was, a bit, avoiding Rei. I'm scared of how I talk to her. Hindi ko kasi alam kung paano. I know that she can feel it pero hindi niya ako pinipilit na kausapin. Sometimes, nagtatanguan lang kami tapos nagngingitian. Ayaw kong maalala ni Rei si Xander sa tuwing nakikita niya ako. Naiilang din ako dahil nahihiya ako.

Kuya Cartier and Gabriella already left the Pontevedra. Nasa Manila na sila kasama si Chanelle. Si Kuya Cartier muna ang nag-aasikaso ng negosyo roon dahil nandito pa sila Kuya Carlo.

"You know why I always drink, Rainier..." I murmured.

Tumingin lang siya sa akin kaya ibinalik ko ang tingin ko sa dagat. Parang kahapon ko lang ipinaanod ang jar kung nasaan ang anak ko. Isa siguro sa rason kung bakit nandito ako lagi sa dagat dahil pakiramdam ko nandito pa ang anak ko. Pakiramdam ko kasama ko pa rin siya. If my baby didn't die, he or she is older than Rouge and Chanelle. They are probably playing right now or already sleeping.

Nanikip ang dibdib ko sa sariling naisip kaya uminom ulit ako ng alak. I didn't even get my own glass anymore because I can finish this. I think Rainier was right that I am poisoning myself. But, alcohol is the only one that can helps me.

"Let's go to Baguio," he said.

Tumingin tuloy ako sa kaniya nang maibaba ko ang bote na hawak ko. He tried to get it from me but I didn't let him. Baka tunggain niya na naman kagaya kagabi.