My Ant and Dec One shots

💜 Cucumber

Had this mini one shot left in my drafts. Based on something that happened to me a few weeks back but reality was considerably more boring than my imagination.

No one correct the attempt at mandarin. It's Google translate and the joke about its accuracy is fictional, not based on any knowledge of the language (despite sitting in 2 years worth of classes 🫤).

"Ctrl Alt delete and enter, I am done for the dayyyy." I glance at my watch, rolling my eyes 7pm and I don't even get paid overtime.

There's no point dwelling, I think, pushing work completely out of my mind and going downstairs to prep my dinner. I have already eaten a lot, but it's been a big day, so I think I've earned a little treat, egg fried rice and spring rolls off the cute guy that works down the Chinese takeaway.

I pick up my keys before stepping out into lovely sunny Newcastle. That's not even a joke, it actually is sunny today, no word of a lie it's been weirdly sunny all week. And so, for the first time in ages, I felt almost light... happy even. The winter depression was lifting and I was starting to feel like myself for the first time in 5 months.

Rather than dreading going outside, I'm actually looking forward to the walk.

"Dec! Hey Declan!"

I recognise that voice instantly and spin  around, looking up for the source of the noise, giggling at my housemate, Stevie with his head stuck out his bedroom window, "oh hey Stevie."

"You going shops?!" He calls probably loud enough for the entire street to hear.

"Yeah you want something?"

"Can you please get me a cucumber?"

Well that wasn't what I expected. "A cucumber?" I clarify and he laughs but nods so a shrug. "Okay anything else?"

"Just the cucumber please!"

I go to get him his cucumber. The shops are on the way so its not too much bother, a slight detour but not a terrible one.

Once that cucumber is in my possession, I pay and step out the shop, eager to get to the takeaway. Absently I start to scold myself. A few cucumber sticks will go really well with my dinner and it would be healthy too. No way am i going to walk around with 2 cucumbers though, that was just weird. Pushing Stevie's cucumber into my pocket, convincing myself I can't ask him for a bit of his, I accept there will be no cucumber in the table tonight and step into my local Chinese takeaway.

The boy behind the counter immediately stands up and his eyes flicker down my body for a split second before looking up at my face with a charming smirk.

"Is that a cucumber in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

I stop dead in my tracks. Did he actually say that?! Or am I tripping? Is he taking the piss, has he found out I think he's hot and is now taking the piss by flirting with me??

Clearly I look too stunned because the dark haired boy's expression shifts to an uncomfortable and he blushes, mumbling, "Your pocket."

My eyes drop and widen, red tinges my cheeks. "Oh whoops." I laugh awkwardly. "Forgot that was there."

"You forgot you had a cucumber in your pocket?" His face shifts to this gorgeous smile.

"Yeahhhhh little bit."

"Why do you have a cucumber in your pocket?"

I look down at the cucumber and shrug, "More convenient than holding it."

His shoulders vibrate with a suppressed laugh and he shakes his head, "Fair enough, what can I get youse?"

"Veggie spring rolls please."

"That it?" His well shaped eyebrow lifts curiously.

"For today, Im on a diet."

"Your body is insane. You don't need a diet." He rolls his eyes and my mouth drops a little.

"Insane?"

"Uh y-yeah, totally— i mens wish I looked as good as you." He tries to shrug it off but I'm already beaming, bouncing up and down on the balls of my feet proudly. "I'll go get your order."

"Don't I need to pay?" I pout.

"It's on me. Use the money to treat yaself to something sweet." God he's so cute, I think, and his smile is to die for, he's got these adorable dimples and his eyes twinkle and he's hitting on me right? I'm not imagining that am I?

" 十个春卷 /Shí gè chūnjuǎn!"

Oh shit and he speaks Chinese. Why was that Hot?!"

"We all speak English dipshit stop showing off to your boyfriend."

"I'm not showing off."

"Good cause spring roll isn't female."

"And I'm not his boyfriend." I interject.

"Yeah you two should fix that. Are you busy tonight cuteguy?"

"Cuteguy?"

"That's what this idiot calls you cause he's too pussy to ask your name."

I blush and look at the dark haired man, "its Declan, I'm not busy no."

"Great! Antman, take the rest of the night I'll cover you."

"Dude that's rude."

"No it's not! I don't mind!"

"I mean it's rude to Declan."

"It's not, right Declan?"

"I'm okay with it. I always make too much egg fried rice anyways."

"Maybe keep your voice down when you say that in here." The other lad laughs and pats Ant on the back, walking into the kitchen.

"I'm sorry about him... you sure you don't mind?"

"Not at all. Would be good to get to know you when you're not paid to be nice."

Ant laughs as his boss walks out with a bag.
"We pay him for fuck all. His Nana made us hire him. There's your order."

I take my spring rolls and step back expectantly, he looks at his boss and then back at me, before blushing and grabbing his rucksack from behind him. "Rob said he'd cover me. I'll see youse lot tomorrow."

"Good luck!"

We start on the journey back to my house, Ant follows me contently but I can feel him trying to think of something to say. In the end he goes with, "So why do you have a cucumber?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, it's for my housemate Stevie."

"Oh cool do you have many housemates?"

"Three but two of them are out and Stevie won't mind."

"Won't mind me being there?"

"You being loud." I supply and an adorable frown falls on his handsome features.

"I won't be loud— oh." The blush hits him suddenly and he loses the ability to walk forward his cheeks flush red and eyes widen.

"Anyways he'll probs scarper anyways. He owes me." Stevie does owe me, I've given him his privacy with women in the past so as we reach my house and Ant hasn't run in the other direction despite my flirting, I'm pretty hopeful I will soon have the whole place to myself.

That's it! Sorry all no smut it's a proper one shot this time but thought it's all best left to the imagination