An unlikely pair, Sybil & Syre find themselves being pulled toward the other by an undeniable force. They both have decided that they hate each other but over time that "hate" turns into something else all together.
As it turns out, these two wound...
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"Are you ready to talk about Alexis' death?" Dr. Evans asked with hope.
I sighed and sunk deeper into the chair. Sybil wasn't here for this session, she had to be at the shop. She contemplated cancelling her bookings but I told her I could handle it on my own.
She couldn't hold my hand through everything, especially when she's trying to work on herself at the same time.
I gave him a nod and he cleared his throat. "Okay...how do you feel about the situation now? Right now, what do you feel?"
Bringing my hand to my lips, I placed my knuckles at my teeth and sighed. "Regretful." I said honestly.
"Why?"
I shrugged. "I heard what you said last time...and I get it. That's why I'm not...so angry anymore. But the shit is still unfair." I dropped my hand to my lap and tilted my head. "...we weren't perfect. But we had gotten to a good place. Where we could have conversations as if the circumstances weren't fucked up....none of that mattered because we were good. She looked at me and smiled and I looked at her....and smiled. I got comfortable with her being a part of my life and I lost it all."
"But why does that make you regretful?"
"Because I spent years giving her nothing except my ass to kiss and anger that should've never been directed at her." I ran my hand down my face. "I only got a handful of months to be her family, her friend and her Dad when I could've had her lifetime."
He gave a nod and sat back in his seat. "I understand." He took an inhale. "But that ain't your fault. You have to remember that you were a child. And you were placed in a horrible position, you were subjected to horrible things. Once you made that connection with Alexis, did she hold anything against you for the distance you created between you two?"
"Nah..."
"Right..because she knew that you were being protective of yourself. She understood how difficult it had to be to look at her everyday and be reminded of a time you were taken advantage of. Syre all she ever wanted was for you to let her love you, and for you ti love her back....and you did that."
"It's just not fair man..." I said quietly, trying to swallow the lump in my throat and fight the tears that wanted to fall from my eyes.
"It isn't. And as crappy as it is, a lot of things in life will be that way but you had love and that's better than having nothing. Hm? Would you be happy if she died and you had fixed nothing? If you never told her that you were her father?"
I shook my head and sniffled.
"It's okay to go through the motions. That's the only thing in life that is fair. Feeling and being allowed to feel. No one can tell you how to mourn, when to mourn. When to finish mourning. When to move on. You come to terms with it when it's right for you... You can accept the will that has been done, when it's right for you."
