Endlessly (Harry Styles)

Chapter 43

*Hazel Murray*

Everything is a bloody mess. Rumors have been flying, fans were going crazy, management was pissed. The lads were all confused, except for Niall of course, and so was the rest of the world apparently. I was having a hard time keeping everything together, keeping myself together.

Truth's been told, I was going nuts, no pun intended, and Harry, for some reasons, was pissed off mad at me. Or so I thought he was, because he didn't show any signs of life in two days. Two days, and I still haven't heard from him. Niall was the only one keeping me sane. I was still so fragile, and the only person who could truly mend me was ignoring all of my texts and my calls. I relied on Niall for practically everything, but I haven't even have the chance to think and process everything that was said and done.

After many explanations and discussions with Niall and the management, I came to the conclusion that coming out clean was the best possible option. Today, I had an interview planned to explain what happened two days ago, and what I lived through all my life.

I was currently under the sheets of Niall's bed in his hotel room, still in New York. I was cuddling with Niall, neither of us speaking. The first night after Samantha, I couldn't stay the night alone, my fears and my doubts scaring me. Niall apparently thought it would be good to protect me from myself because he helped me move my things in his room. H hold me close all night in his arms, whispering encouraging words in my ear until I fell in an agitated sleep, only to wake up in sweat a few hours later, after dreaming of Harry telling me how worthless I was.

Now, about two hours from the interview, Harry still gone MIA, y phone blowing up from mentions from Twitter, the stress and the pressure were sickening me. I haven't had a good night of sleeping in two days because of the nightmares poisoning my sleep. I was tired, stressed out of my mind, but I couldn't let myself breakdown. Not again.

"We should go, Haze..." Niall said, kissing my forehead.
"Don't wanna..." I whined, burying my face in his neck.
"Haze, you decided you'd do it..." He sighed, thinking I came back on my decision.
I pulled away just enough to look in his eyes. "I know, I haven't changed my mind. It's just that I don't want to get up. I feel safe here."
"I promise you that's I'll stay with you the whole time."

I nodded, fighting back the thought that Niall shouldn't have to make this promise, that it should have been Harry. He should have been the one holding me. I was grateful for Niall though. I cuddled closer to his het and sighed deeply, feeling sheltered from the whole world. Niall stayed silent. He wrapped his arms tightly around my body, kissing my hair before resting is chin on my head. he sighed deeply.

"I just want you to know that I love you, Haze. You don't deserve this."
"Nobody does."
"But especially not you. You're amazing, beautiful and talented, and definitively not worthless. I care about you. So many people do. Don't let that one girl convince you that you're worthless, cause you're not. You deserve just the best, and you're worth everything to me, to your family, to the lads. To Harry."
I let out a bitter laugh. "Yeah, I saw that these last few days. He has been going to crazy extents to prove his love to me." My tone began as sarcastic, but it lost all its strength when I chocked on my last words.

I kept my mouth shut and clenched my jaw to keep it from trembling. Stay strong. Don't cry. You can't cry.

Niall didn't replied, but his body tensed as he hugged me even more tight.

After a few minutes in complete silence, my phone started buzzing. I reached for it, in a little hope that I would see Harry's caller I.D. appear on the screen. I was, once more, extremely disappointed. I bit my lip to fight back the urge to cry once again as I sat up in the bed to answer the call.

"Hey, Andy." I said softly, biting back the gall on my tongue.
"Hi, Hazel. How are you?"
"I've been in better places. Any news from Harry?"
"No, I'm sorry." He apologized.
I sighed. "It's okay, it's not your fault." I excused him, my throat tightening. I coughed to make it disappear.
"Anyways, I'm calling to let you know that everything's ready for you. We're only waiting for you to come, and we'll start.
"Okay, I'll be there in thirty."
"See you soon, Hazel. Call a taxi, I don't want Niall driving you, he's not used to this side of the road, and you had yet to learn how to drive."
"Sure thing, bye."
"Bye."

I hung up, looking sadly at Niall, who was staring at me through the whole phone call. I quickly called a taxi, then sighed once more and laid back down next to me. He moved so that we would both be lying on our sides, face to face for a pillow talk. He playfully pocked me, trying to make me laugh, but I just couldn't. Everything was so heavy on my chest, even the thought of smiling was hurting.

"I'm so sorry, Haze." Niall croaked out, looking on the verge of crying, his eyes glistening with tears. I should have done something sooner, I should have stopped her as soon as she laid a hand on you. Fuck, I should have done something as soon as you told me about her existence five months ago. I just let it happen, and I'm so so sorry, Hazel..."

I shushed him, smiling sadly. "It's okay, Ni... It wasn't anybody's fault but mine."

Niall pushed a strand of my out of my face, slowly caressing my cheek. My eyes fluttered close as I let him soothe me. I slowly breathed in, and out, my tensed body relaxing under his touch.

"If we have to blame anybody, Haze, it would never be you. Samantha, yes. Mine, yes. Harry, yes."
"It's not Harry's fault either." I defended him weakly, my heart still aching from his absence.
Niall's face grew angry instantly. "Fuck yes it is! He should have never left you like that for two days, not even texting or calling. When the bodyguards carried him away, he fucking let them do it!" He was starting to raise his voice. "He didn't even try to fight them off to help you. He didn't even fight for you." His voice softened. "I would have fought for you, Haze. I fucking would have, and it pisses me off that Harry is too much of a wuss to do something for you, then to just avoid everything, leaving all the charge on your shoulders."

I opened my mouth, shocked that he would say that about Harry, one of his best mates. All of his words finally sank in, and my mind started spinning. I gulped down a uneasy feeling at the thought of it. I decided to just be straight forward with him.
"Ni, do you have any feelings for me?" I asked him, my voice tiny and unsure.

A long silence followed my question, making my breath hitch. I could simply not deal with the whole mess it would create if Niall actually did have feelings for me. What would happen to One Direction if it was the case? Would they fight over me, that is, if Harry ever shows up again? Will I be able to cut Niall out of my life, even though he has been the only one next to me since the beginning? I realized that it must have hurt Niall when we were acting all lovey-dovey. Guilt rushed through me as I waited for him to answer.

I tensed when he finally spoke.

"I did." He started. "But I gave up on them when I saw that you two were on for the long ride. I didn't want to get between my best mate and the love of his life, as well as I didn't want to break One Direction for it." He grimaced, pissed. "But now, I fucking wish I would have made a move before him. I would've never done that to you, Hazel. I would've never abandon you when you needed it the most. He doesn't deserve you, nobody does, but he's not even trying to be worth your kindness and beauty."
I ignored the last part of his speech, cause I didn't think it was true. "So, no more feelings for me?"
He hesitated only a fraction of second. "No, only friend. I don't consider you as a sister like Li, Zayn or Lou do, though... It would be too weird."
"It's fine, I don't consider you as a brother either." I teased, the ghost of a smile finally appearing on my lips. "Why didn't you, though?" I asked out of nowhere, surprising him.
"Why didn't I do what?"
"Make a move on me before Harry?"
He hesitated once again. "I saw how much he cared for you, and I saw that you liked him too. I saw the outline of something great, and I decided to let him happen instead of creating a mess. Looks like it didn't help, since we're in a mess either way."
I smiled, for real this time. "Maybe we could have been something great too."
"Yeah, maybe..."

There was a silence. We were looking at each other straight in the eyes, the hazel in the blue, communicating with gazes what words can never express. The smile was still on my lips as Niall rose his finger to caress once more the outline of my cheek.

A buzzing sound rang through the room, starling us, breaking the moment. Niall got up and went to answer the interphone. He came back seconds later, telling me the taxi was downstairs. I nodded and got up, grabbing a dark blue coat to put over my leopard print shirt and black skirt, then some black pumps to complete my outfit.

"Shall we, Madam?" Niall playfully asked, offering me his arm.
"Yes, sir." I hook his arm with my tiny hand, a soft giggle escaping my lips.
Niall smiled. "I love hearing that sound and seeing that smile. Don't ever stop laughing, Haze, you light up the world with it."
"It must be the way I flip my hair." I mocked him, still chuckling. "It overwhelms you."
"Oh shut it." He laughed loudly, pulling me towards the elevator.

I giggled again, feeling a lot lighter now.

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"It was a terrible idea." I started panicking, my breath picking up. "How could you let me make this horrible decision, Niall? Oh my God, I can't do this... I can't do this!"

Niall grabbed my shoulders gently but firmly and shook me a bit.
"Hazel, you can do it, and you will do it. Prove to all those bitches that bullied you and those who wouldn't lift a finger to help you that you are braver and smarter and most definitely better than them."
I let out a shaky breath. "I can't do it, Nialler."
"I promised you I would stay with you, and I will stand by my promise. Now you stand by your decision. You will go on set, and you will answer all these them damn questions, and then it'll be finished."
"And you'll be there on set with me?" I hated how pathetic I sounded, but at the same time, as long as I had Niall next to me to support me, I could have cared less.
"If you want me to, I will."

I nodded my head and he took my hand in his large one. I squeezed it tightly and looked around nervously. When would these interviews stop stressing me?

"Hazel, you're on in 5, 4, 3, 2..." The man showed one finger, and I plastered a smile on my face, walking on set with Niall, the audience slowly clapping and cheering for us. I waved and sat down next to the woman interviewing.

"Hello, Hazel, Niall, welcome to the studio." She smiled at us. "I'm Elena, and I'll be your host for the night."
"Hi, Elena, how are you?" I asked, smiling.
"Very good, thank you." She looked surprised that I asked her how she was, but she got over it to jump quickly at her first question. "So, it appears to me that there was quite a fuss two days ago during the Meet and Greet you held... Rumor has it you had a fight with a girl..."
I smiled uneasily. "No, I wouldn't call it a fight... She did slap me, but it was the only physical violence that was held against me. The rest was mainly verbal."
"Who is that girl anyway?" Elena asked.
I sighed. There we go. "I will not say her name, because it wouldn't be fair to her." I felt Niall tense next to me, but I ignored it. "She was one of the girl at my high school in Utah."
"Was she jealous or something?"

I breathed in. "No." I paused, before realizing it would add to the dramatic conversation, and winced. "She used to be my bully."

A/N: please vote and share <3 Don't be a ghost reader, comment!