Endlessly (Harry Styles)

Chapter 49

*Hazel Murray*

I chocked on a gross sob that was rising in my chest.

"No." I shook my head, clinching at my―Harry's― shirt, feeling disgusting and unworthy. "No, you're lying. You're lying. Please, tell me you're lying."My heart has just stopped beating. "I beg of you, please, tell me this is all just a lie!" I pleaded, my voice cracking at the end.
"Haze, I swear, I wish I was, but..." Liam shook his head, each and every one of his words staking me right through the heart, or the pieces left of it.

My legs dropped under my weight, incapable of supporting my shaking body. My hand covered my mouth in a silent scream as pure pain took over my weak corpse. My cheeks started burning with the too familiar salty tears. My throat was so closed up air couldn't even pass. Some warm arms circled my broken body, the heat not even seething through my skin. I was cold, so cold, so empty...
"Haze, calm down, please, breathe..." A soft voice spoke to me, trying to soothe me.

Not knowing that the only person who could coax me was the one who crushed my heart to dust, leaving nothing behind him other than a desert of sadness.

Shallow, wheezy breaths escaped my mouth in irregular pants. I was seeing black dots everywhere. My chest was compressed in a terrible vice, and nausea had taken over everything. Everything was spinning around me, my head was pounding heavily. I was sweating, but I felt so cold. So, so cold... My fingers, then my hands, and my whole body, starting tingling, then burning in cold ice, as if I had put them in snow for too long.

"She's having a panic attack..." A voice faintly pierced through the wall of mist clouding my mind. "She has to calm down, or she'll pass out because of the oxygen deficiency."
"Zayn, just try to calm her, I'll go call Paul. Lou, go get Niall."
"Can we do something?" A female voice asked.
"Just, get out, please." The male voice, to whom the arms holding my body belong to. "Hang on, Hazel. Help is coming."

At this point, I felt like dying. Like just letting everything go, just stop breathing, stop seeing, stop hearing, stop feeling. I felt myself slowly detach from my own body. I knew something was wrong, but I just cut myself from it. Numbness took over everything, reliving me from some of the pain.

"Please, Haze, just breathe." Zayn's hushed voice came to my ears. "JUST BREATHE, PLEASE! LIAM, HURRY!"
"Paul isn't answering his pho..."
"NEVER MIND PAUL, SHE'S NEEDS AN AMBULANCE, SHE STOPPED BREATHING!"

My body just went limb as unconsciousness slowly took over my mind. My vision started darkening as the black dots were more and more frequent and numerous.

"Haze, stay with me..." Zayn whispered. "Keep your eyes open, Haze!"
"What's going on?" A new voice said. "You told me she was fine, Lou!"
"She was a few minutes ago, Niall, I swear."
"Move Zayn." Niall harshly snapped.
"Don't you think you've done enough." Zayn snarled.

My eyes fluttered close as my head started dangling. Was I still alive? Was I even still breathing? I don't believe I was...

You hear that sound? No, it's not the sound of my heart shattering. That is the sound of the silence. The complete and perfect silence conquering a body. The sound of a heart that stopped beating.

Or was it just because it lost its sole reason to?

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Darkness. Silence. Emptiness.

Was this how death was supposed to feel like? Just nothing? An eternity of loneliness and subconsciousness, without ever having clear thoughts?

An image came to my mind. The corner of a pink lip twisted in a smirk, dimples hollowing a smooth cheek. The vibrant green of a perfect eye followed closely, then succeeded by flashes of light curls the color of chocolate. The wing of a sparrow on a toned chest, and the crook of a very familiar neck after them.

So this was death then? Watching different images of your love one, one after another, just to remind you of what was, or even what could have been?

No, this was much worse. This was a nightmare.

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"Stop tickling me!" I giggle. "Ah! Stop, I can't breathe!"
"Say you love me!" He chuckles, his deep voice filled with happiness. "Say I'll always be your one and only!"
"I hate you!" I screech, bursting in another fit of laughter as he continues tickling me to death.
"Say I'm the best!" He orders, still laughing loudly.
"You're the worst!" I gasp, looking for air, trying to free myself from this man―this man I was so deeply in love with.

His tickles just get worse and worse. I was lying on the floor of our apartment in London, or flat as he calls it. He hovers over me, in a dominating position over my tiny body, shaking with laughter.

"Fine, fine! Let me go, and I'll say it!" I scream.

He stops, his green eyes boring into mine with mischievousness.

"I'm waiting..." He says with a crooked smile.

"I love you, you always be my one and only, and you're the best." I repeated, biting my lip.
A satisfied smile takes over his lips as he starts peppering my face with butterfly kisses. I giggle as he blew raspberries in my neck, the lukewarm air making my skin all tingly.

"Promise me." He whispers.
"Promise you what?"
"Promise me that I'll always be your one and only. Promise me that you'll love me forever."
"I promise to love you forever, and that you'll always be my one and only."
"I love you."
"I love you too. Forever and always, Harry."

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"Harry Edward Styles, put me down immediately!" I yell.

Of course, my dumbass of a boyfriend just laughed and continued carrying me around the hotel room as if I was a rag doll.

"I'm serious, Harry, I want to go to sleep." I whine over his shoulder.
"Hi Serious, I'm Harry, and I want to stay wide awake!" He chuckles quite childishly.
I slap his back. "This is not funny! Stop being childish, we have a show in Duluth tomorrow!"
"I told you, Serious... I'm Harry, not Childish."
I pout, sticking my lip out. "I am officially mad at you, Harry Styles."
"Oh, so now you're Mad At You? Is that your last name."
"Oh, so you really want a silent treatment."
"No I don't."

I keep my lips sealed and close my eyes, trying to fight the dizziness that he caused walking me around like that. He stops walking, and I almost cheer of happiness.

"Haze? You're not really ignoring me, are you?"

I stay silent. Not a word will pass my lips as long as I am lifted up in his arms 6 feet in the air.

"Haze? Come on, Haze..."

He finally put me down, and I sigh in relief. I swear, two more minutes, and I would have started puking.

"There, I put you down. Now talk to me." Harry orders, a frown settling on his beautiful face.

I shake my head no, pouting lightly.

"Don't be pouty!" He exclaimed. "I'm sorry."
A small overtook my face. "I'm not Pouty, I'm Hazel. It's nice to meet you, Sorry."

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Long fingers were drawing designs on my bare back. The sheets feel fresh and cold on my bare skin, but I could feel the heat of the naked body next to mine. A lazy smile takes over my face as I come back to my senses. I could feel the soft mattress of our bed on my stomach, the scent of him still on my pillow.

"Good morning." His raspy voice sends tingles on my spine.

Goosebumps rose wherever his fingers would pass, relaxing my whole body as I burry myself even more in the pillow.

"'Morning." I groaned.

A pair of lips connects with my back, softly planting kisses along my spine and my shoulder blades. I hummed in appreciation as he continues to soothe me, slowly waking up.

"We have some things to do today?"
"Don't want to do them..." I grumble, my face still deeply hidden in the pillow.
"Come on, Angel, don't get all grumpy on me." He laughs, kissing my neck.

I gasp as his teeth graze my skin.

"Fine, I'll do them. On one condition." I say, lifting my head off the pillow, meeting his loving gaze.

The emerald gaze holds all the love in the world. Unconditional love. Unbreakable love.

"What is it, Angel?"
"You are definitely a part of my to-do list." I snicker.
"Your wish is my command." He replies, the green already darkening with passion and desire, as he rolls me on my back and comes over me, all ready to make love to me.

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If this was death, I didn't want it. I didn't want to relive all the magical memories I had with my soul mate. I didn't want to see us being all happy and in love when we were crashing down. I didn't want to watch us kiss and make love when our entire relationship was burning down.

I didn't want to feel what I felt when I was so in love and happy, because that would mean getting broken over and over again.

I didn't want any of it. What did I ever do to deserve this?

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His green eyes carefully watch me over his deck of cards.

"Do you have... A 4?" He asks.
I groan. "How do you do it, for God's sake! Do you just see all the cards in my eyes, or you can read minds?"
"I'm lucky." He shrugs, sending me a wink. "I mean, I did fall in love with you."
"Gah, you're so cheesy, I get why the others thinks it's annoying." I reply.
"You love cheesy!" Harry frowned, pouting lightly.
I roll my eyes. "That I do." I giggle softly, looking at my cards. "Do you have an 8?"
"Nope."

I groaned as I took a card from the deck of cards. He smirks and asks me if I have a 10. I stare at him in disbelief before throwing the card at him. He laughs at my obvious displeasure.

"Do you have a Queen?" I grumble.
"I do, but I can't give her to you." He answers.
I frown, puzzled. "What do you mean, you can't give it to me? You can't do that, Harry."
"She is the Queen of Hearts, and she has my heart, so I'm keeping her."

My eyes widen slightly when I understood he meant me. I blush and wave him off.

"I'm sorry for your loss but you have to give it, it's the rule." I try to play along.
"You'll have to do with the King of Hearts." He says to me, handing me a card.

I roll my eyes and huff as I took it. I was about to make a comment on how unfair he was playing, but then I saw his writing on the card. 'If I'm your King, will you be my Queen?' I giggle at his cheesiness and nod frantically.

"Of course I will, Harry." I laugh. "Of course I will."
"Promise you will."
"I promise."
"So, what does that make us?"
"That makes us the King and Queen of promise." I whispered, taking his hand. "We've only got one life. And I want to spend it with you."
"No, we've only got one love." Harry smiles. "And I want to share it with you."

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I didn't even remember that until today... Was I in a personal inferno? Just watching Harry and I over and over as I reminder that I might never be happy like that ever again? Watching Heaven far above me to make sure that I know that I was in Hell?

It's unfair.

I took a little bite in love, in the life I could live, and universe just stripped it away from me. As soon as I was about to get that back, they rip it way once again.

This time making sure my heart was rip to shreds at the same time.

A soft melody rang in my head and in my heart over and over again. Was this the melody of love? No, more like the song of giving up. The song of our past fights, our past love.

"Into the night
Desperate and broken
The sound of a fight
Father has spoken."

"We are the Kings and Queens of promise.
We were the victims of ourselves.
Maybe the children of a lesser God
Between Heaven and Hell
Heaven and Hell."

"We are the Kings and Queens."

"We are the Kings and Queens..."


A/N: Hey, thank you so much for the support you guys have been giving me! Continue sharing, liking, commenting, following me, I love you guys so so much thank youuuu <3