Endlessly (Harry Styles)

Epilogue

  *Hazel Murray*

The day after the mob, I was discharged of the hospital. I didn't let anyone see me. I didn't want to see anyone. My stomach hurt like a bitch and my headaches were killers. Other than that I was fine.

Oh did I forget to mention that my heart had sank so deeply in my chest I didn't even know if I would find it again? Did I forget to mention that my brain has gone completely off every since I learned that I had a miscarriage, that my baby was dead?

I haven't even spoken a word to anybody. I knew that I was letting my anger get the best of me, that I was pushing everyone away, but I truly didn't know how to manage it. All I wanted to do was crawl into the smallest ball I could under the heaviest mountain possible of blankets and cry all the tears of my body. But I couldn't. Not yet.

I got out of the hospital room, dressed up and ready to go. Harry was outside, looking pained and tired. I was too drained to even feel remorse about his condition. Without a word, he took my bag and lead me outside to the car. Thankfully, there was no paps outside shouting my name, and flashing cameras killing my head. Harry drove us to our house. The drive was silent and awkward.

We arrived at the house, and I got out, walking straight to it without a word. I went to the bedroom and locked myself in. I lied on the bed, staring at the roof of my room. I felt like a moody teenager, but I couldn't help but want to be alone. I took my phone out of my pocket. Gemma gave it back to Harry, who slid it in my bag. I plugged my earplugs in it and did like I always did when I felt broken.

I listened to Ed's music.

I don't know how many hours I passed like that, lying alone in the cold bed, staring at the ceiling, Ed's sweet voice singing to my ears. Song after song, I felt as if he was mending, like it always used to do when I was in high school just a year ago. When I thought that this was the most hurt I would get. Oh, how wrong was I?

The familiar tune of Small Bump came on and I froze, the ache of my heart coming back in a flash.

"You're just a small bump unborn, in four months you're brought to life,
You might be left with my hair, but you'll have your mother's eyes,
I'll hold your body in my hands, be as gentle as I can
But for now you're scan of my unmade plans.
A small bump in four months you're brought to life."

Tears were streaming down my face in a silent sob. I was breaking, my walls, everything helping me stand and walk and think, it was crumbling down without the sound and I was breaking.

"I'll whisper quietly, I'll give you nothing but truth,
If you're not inside me, I'll put my future in you."

I was trembling pain. I cried for the death of my baby, I cried for the pain I was feeling, for everything I lost, everything I fought for, all of this was for nothing. Chanel is dead.

"You're my one and only
You can wrap your finger around my thumb and hold me tightly.
You're my one and only
You can wrap your finger around my thumb and hold me tightly.
You'll be alright."

I yelled in frustration and threw my phone harshly against the wall, making a hole in it. My phone fell in a small thud on the carpeted, the screen cracked, the phone silent. Harry barged in the room, his eyes wild.

"Are you okay?"
I scoffed. "Do you think I'm okay, Harry? Do you really think I'm okay?"
"Hazel I know..."
"What do you know, Harry, please enlighten me? Do you know what it feels like to always get hurt, so badly I end up in the hospital? Do you know how it feels to get your heart ripped out so many times you wish it would just stay broken? Do you?" I yelled. "I lost my baby, Harry! I lost her!"
"Don't you think I'm hurting over that too?"
"Honestly, no, I don't!" I raged after him, fury in my eyes. "You didn't even fucking wanted that baby anyways, now did you? Oh, how happy must you feel right now! It's one less problem on your list."
"Hazel, do you even fucking hear yourself talking right now?" Harry screamed at me.
"Don't you scream at me now, Harry!"
"Oh, please, stop victimizing yourself, Hazel! You're not the only one hurting, you never are, and yet you always act as if you are! Poor little baby Hazel who got bullied... Poor little Hazel didn't have any friends. Fuck this!" Harry yelled. "You're always there blaming me for everything and never actually acknowledging anything I do for you!"
"Because it is your fault! You're the one that always leaves! You're the one that always hurt me! You're the one that caused all the pain in my life!" I retorted.

Harry's face twisted in an anger I never saw in him.

"Then you'll excuse me if I want to get the fuck out of here again?" He scoffed, making a move to leave.
"You see, there you go again, leaving me, like the coward you are!"
"I'm not a coward!"
"Yes you are! You're always fleeting every single time there's a problem coming up, well guess what, sometimes you've got to deal with what life throws you!"
"Oh like you deal with it so well!"
"At least I try!"

Harry's face contorted in anger and rage as he took a step towards me. I took a step back, suddenly frightened by him. This look, I've seen it before, but only in Aaron's furious expression, never in Harry.

"You think that I am the only reason this relationship have been up in flames? Well, news flash, Angel, I am not." He said, spitting the nickname as if it was poison. "You're not perfect either, and you caused as many problems as I did, I just never told you, cause guess what, you probably would've shoved that in my face too!"
"I didn't do anything wrong!"
"Oh you didn't? Really?"
"Yeah I didn't." I spat, furious that he would even think of blaming this on me.
"Well, you did kill our baby!"

I paled, my heart stopped beating for a second. Oh no, he did not just go there.

"You son of a bitch!" I yelled. "This is not my fault!"
"I clearly told you that it was a bad idea going alone, but no, don't listen to Harry, he's a goddamn idiot!" Harry laughed bitterly. "You know what else I was an idiot for? Believing you and Niall when you said nothing was going on between you two!"
"Nothing is going on between us two!" I huffed. "He's my best friend."
"And I am your boyfriend! Why the fuck would he be your contact in case of urgency?"
"Because you're unreliable! You're always there disappearing whenever I need you the most, what else did you want me to do?"
"There you go again, blaming me on something."
"That's because it's your fault!"
"Oh I'm sorry, Angel. You're right, I'm wrong, as always."
"Damn right."

There was a silence between us, where we were glaring furiously at each other.

"This is not working." I whispered.
"What, so you just want to give up?"
"No, I just―"
Harry snarled. "No, no, it's okay, I give up. I'm tired of this." He gestured towards us. "I'm tired of putting up with you, I'm tired of the drama around you, I'm tired of you whoring around with my brothers, I'm tired of you."
"Harry, you―"
"I what, uh? I don't mean it? Oh, yeah I do mean it. We moved way too fast, we were about to have a damn kid. Look at us, Hazel. We're kids! Ever since you came in my life, you only brought trouble, pain and frustration. I'm done with this, I'm done with you." Harry snapped in a cold tone.
Tears prickled my eyes as I rose my chin, too proud to let them loose. "So this is it? We're done? We're throwing this all away?"

Harry avoided my eyes and nodded.

"Fine." I said, keeping my voice empty. "But just know that when I leave this house, I am not coming back, like ever."
"Oh please..." Harry scoffed. "It's not as if I wanted you to."
"Harry, I mean it." I insisted, refusing to give up just yet. "I step one foot outside this room, you can kiss my ass goodbye forever."
Harry laughed darkly. "I got you once, won't be too hard to get you twice. I mean, you had sex with me one month in the relationship, and you were a virgin. You were pretty easy to get."

Too far.

"Fuck you." I growled. "You're just like everybody said you were. A disgusting manwhore that only wants sex and when it gets too complicated you just give up. You truly are a coward, and you're pathetic. We're over."

I picked up my broken phone on the ground then brushed past him, but I got stopped by his hand gripping my arms tightly. For a moment, hope rose in me, stupid as I was, but it was crushed instant later.

"You weren't worth anything I lived through."
I snorted and ripped my arm away from him. "Well that's good, because you weren't either, I was the biggest idiot to love and forgive you. Now fuck off."

I left our house―his house. I started walking towards Niall's house which wasn't too far away. As I power walked, even though my ribs hurt like hell and that my vision was clouded by my tears, I opened my phone (it was working was the screen was done) and send a last message to Harry.

To Harry: I hate you.

I then blocked his number. A few minutes later, my phone lit up with a number I never thought I would see again. I answered quickly, my heart beating fast.

"Hello? Mum?"


The END

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