Endlessly (Harry Styles)

Chapter 47

A/N:  THESE MANIPS PHYSICALLY HURT ME

*Hazel Murray*

"This is perfect." Veronica whistled. "I knew you'd be perfect in it."
"It's amazing, thank you so much." I thanked her, gasped at the mirror.

Veronica Longuevie waved her hand in dismissal. She was the fashion designer Simon found me a few months ago, at the beginning of my career. I never needed her services... but now... I was invited to so many events in New York, then back in London, it was crazy. First of all, my album release... today. Then, the huge Christmas party for all celebrities in New York, which was an official event, was on December 20th. Then, back in London for the New Year's Eve party, which was also a big official event... And let's not forget Louis' birthday, then Zayn's, then Harry's...

Her help was going to be extremely needed.

"Don't thank me, Hazel. You wearing this dress is the only thanks I need. You make honor to my creations." Veronica replied.

I blushed and smiled. The she made for me was amazing. It was black, and was composed of a crop top and a long skirt. It was very Vogue-like, and looked honestly amazing on my elfin shape, like Veronica would say. My high heels were lacy and added an elegant touch to the edgy style. My red hair were tied in a bun and my makeup was kept really simple, which I loved.

On my chest rested the beautiful silver and diamonds flower pendant Harry bought me months ago. I smiled fondly at it, before a small frown took its place.

Harry has been extra sweet during the past week, but things were a tad bit awkward. I knew I was a bit distant and cold, and I knew Harry felt it, just by the way he would frown sadly when he took my hand and I would just stay like that, not answering, or when he would bite his lip when I wouldn't lie down cuddled up next to him.

The worse thing was that it hurt me too, not being close to him... But every time I just tried opening back up to him, something would hold me back and just hurt me even more. I didn't know how to act. I was terribly confused, and I was hurting the both of us in the process of trying to figure out what I was feeling. I hated us being like that, but I couldn't do anything to just heal us.

I guess only time could mend our relationship.

It wasn't that I was mad at him or anything, I was just feeling... betrayed. Like it wasn't his fault for leaving me, it was Management's. But what if next time it was even worse? What if he wasn't there by my side? What if he would stay for me when everything is fine, but whenever I would fall apart and really need him, he wasn't there? How can we truly be good for each other when we fall apart at the slightest obstacle?

Anger wasn't keeping from mending us. Doubts, however, were.

Talking about Management, I was still pissed at them. Like, really pissed. I started to understand why Directioners hated the boys' management so much. They were... ugh, they were horrible. Simon was the only one I liked. But what could I do against them... I wasn't signed with them anymore anyways, but my Management was just as strict as the boys'.

"Hazel, wipe that scowl off your face and smile a bit." Joey said, entering in the room. "Your dress is gorgeous, your hair are beautifully made by me, and you are stunning."
I giggled at his words and smiled widely. "Thank you, Jo."
"There, now you look perfect. And you are very welcome." He said, hugging my slim frame. "Now come on, I'll walk you to the limousine. The girls are already in it, and they're waiting, quite impatiently I must say, for you."
"Okay, let's go." I nodded. "Bye, Veronica, thank you for everything."
"Goodbye, Hazel." Veronica smiled, hugging me. "Have a good night, and knock them out." She winked.

I hooked my arm to Joey's with a bright smile. He guided me through the hallways of the fashion building to outside, where a black limo was waiting for me. A steward opened the door for me and I thanked him, slipping in the car. I saw the girls and greeted them.

"Hey guys." I smiled, shyly smiling.
"You look great, Haze!" Perrie said, pulling me in a huge hug. "It has been so long... I missed you so much."
"I missed you too, Perrie." I whispered, hugging the beautiful blonde singer. "You look quite good yourself." I looked at Dani and El, who hugged me too. "You guys, look so beautiful." I also greeted Jade Thrilwall, Leigh-Anne Pinnock and Jesy Nelson.

I haven't seen Perrie in months. She was Tour when we weren't, and then when she came back, we left for New York. Zayn was the only one who flew to see her. As for the rest of Little Mix, they became good friends through Perrie.

"I'm so glad you could make it for the Release party." I smiled gladly.
"We wouldn't miss it for anything." Perrie replied. "I'm so happy for you, Haze..."
"We all are." El smiled.
"Do you even know who's on your guest list?" Dani scoffed. "Looks like nobody wanted to miss it."
"What do you mean?" I asked, dumbfounded.
"Girl, you have like amazing people on that list. Like Ed Sheeran, One Direction, Little Mix..." El joked as we all chuckled.
"No but more seriously, Taylor Swift is coming with Ed, Passenger is tagging along, I heard Justin Bieber was going to show up. Katy Perry mentioned she was coming too."
"What?!" I gasped. "You're kidding, right?"
"Well, JB and Katy are only coming at the after-party, but they're still coming." Leigh-Anne said with a smile.
"Well, thank you so much for coming." I replied. "I know how hard it is to fit in everybody's schedule..." I continued with an apologetic smile.
"Honestly, it's our pleasure." Jade laughed. "You're the next big hit, in America and in Britain. Going to your first release party is a pretty great publicity."
"Even though it's not why we're going." Jesy scolded at Jade, while I giggled.
"So how are you and Harry?" El asked, very well aware of what happened.
I shrugged and winced. "It's hard on both of us. He's been extra sweet to me, and trying to get my forgiveness. Thing is I'm not mad at him, I just... Like I want to just put it behind us and move on, but every time I try, I just keep getting flashes of what could have possibly happened and I just get scared and I push him away again, hurting us both."
"I don't think it's just fear." Dani said. "I think you're still angry at him, even though you don't want to admit it."
I bit my lip. "You think I'm just lying to myself? That I'm just whimsical?" Guilt squeezed my heart and made my stomach twist.
"No, that's not what I said..." Dani corrected hers words. "I think you just buried your anger under your love for him, but it's just poisoning your relationship. And you're not whimsical... You're just hurt and betrayed and it's normal to want to wait a bit before jumping back in the relationship as soon."
"Just don't make Harry wait around begging for forgiveness for too long, cause it's not fair to him." El said.
"I'm not even mad, I just feel... sort of empty." I answered. "I still love him with all my heart, but it's like there's a wall between me and my emotions, and it's so freaking frustrating. I want the feeling I had around him back. I want to feel the butterflies, the fireworks..."
"It's okay to feel like that." Perrie softly said. "It's a good thing, actually."
"Love is so terribly selfish... You don't love for the person, you love for yourself..." I whispered.

The girls stayed silent for a moment after my statement. El was the first to speak after that, breaking the silence that had settle over us.

"Well, delicate relationship or not, his jaw is going to drop so low it's going to hit the floor when he's going to see you..."
Dani laughed. "You mean everybody's jaw is going to hit the floor."
"Seriously, your designer did a wonderful job, Hazel." Jesy said. "You look fierce."
"My baby Hazel is growing up!" Perrie started fake sobbing in Jade's arms, who just patted her head with a tiny pout.

We just chuckled and shook our heads. The car stopped and we all stepped out, me the last. Flashes were going off and blinded us a bit, but we smiled and waved. Paparazzi were shouting questions at us, yelling and pushing each other to ask us some questions, it was quite wild. We spotted the boys, all dressed up quite elegantly for the occasion.

I made eye contact with Harry and my heart skipped a beat. His eyes widened slightly when he saw me, his eyes racking down my body, taking everything in. He mouthed 'you look beautiful' to me, and I blushed. I blushed... My heart started pumping a bit faster.

This. This was the feeling I missed. Him making me feel so alive, so in love.

I smiled brightly and walked towards them. Harry's smile was as wide as mine. I reached for him and hugged him tightly. His hand found my waist line, making contact with my uncovered skin, tracing fire.

"I'm sorry." I whispered in his chest. "I should have just forgive you sooner... Would have spared us both a lot of pain."
He kissed my hair. "It's okay, Angel. I'm so sorry."
"I know you are." I said pulling back a bit to meet his green eyes.

He looked handsome in his suit, his smile the brightest I had seen in days, making me smile. I pecked softly his lips, forgetting about the paps, and honestly not giving a crap about them.

I don't know if it was the girls' words that made me forgive him, or just the fact that I was happy to see him. I let my walls barely down for a second, and it's all it took for his eyes to rip to shreds the rest of them. One thing for sure, it was a nice feeling.

"Let's go inside, shall we?" I murmured softly against his lips, truly tasting him after all this time of coldness.
"Sure. I love you." Harry said, breathlessly. "God, I love you so much."
"I know..." I giggled. "I love you too."
"And there we go... Back to the sappy couple." Liam sighed, looking exasperated, but his secret smile was happy for us.
"I hope you guys enjoyed the no-mushy days, cause the King and Queen of cuteness are back." Eleanor chuckled, hugging Louis.
Harry rolled his eyes. "We're not that bad, guys seriously."

As they started joking around, I saw Niall looking extremely tensed at the back of the group. I slipped out of Harry's grasp, reassuring him with a smile when I saw his questioning glance. I walked up to Niall who just opened his arms to me. I walked in his embrace and hugged him tightly.

"Why the long face, Ni?"
"You're forgiving him?" Niall asked.
"Yeah. I just want to move on... I'm tired of being hurt, and I'm tired of hurting him..." I said.
"Okay." he nodded. "But I swear to God, if he ever does something like that again, I will throw more than one punch." he threatened.
"You should apologize for that, by the way... He had one hell of a bruise on the jaw..." I told him, making him scoff.
"I won't apologize to him. You forgave him, but I didn't. I'm still fucking pissed at him."
"Niall, he's like your brother." I answered, "You can't just stay mad at him..."
"I can and I will."
"Niall..."
"Hazel..."
I huffed. "Why can I forgive him, but you can't?"
"Cause if you loved yourself half as much as I loved you, you wouldn't forgive him. You deserve the world, Hazel." Niall shook his head.

I knew his words weren't meant to be romantic, but it did sound a bit like that. I blushed a bit and shrugged it off.

"Stop being silly, Niall. I don't deserve more than anybody else."
"And that's where you're wrong." Niall whispered. "Come on, your lover boy is waiting for ya."

I kissed his cheek and went back to Harry's awaiting arm.

I guess I was out of line. It was never wrong to be in Harry's arms. What was wrong was to feel uncomfortable when held by him. Harry's arms were safe, familiar.

Harry was my home, the only one I'd ever need.

I just hoped it wouldn't burn down to ashes whenever there would be some obstacles.


A/N: sorry if it didn't live up to your expectations, but this was kinda needed...

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