Hostages (Book 2)

Chapter 4

I pushed off the bed and walked to the dresser where my first kit hid underneath. I peeled off the red and brown gauze pad off my waist and reapplied a new one,then I threw it in the garbage. I rose my head from my side and I looked in my covered mirror,I pushed my hair off my shoulders before turning around and walking to bed. I covered my body with my comforters and lied my head on the pillow while looking at the qoute,Everyone Deserves Their Other Half.

I sighed. Both of mine were taken.

My mind reeled into thinking about them. Their features,their personalities,their extremely different sense of humor. It got the best of my emotions as soon as Nia walked in, "Aria." I looked up at her as a tear dropped on my left cheekbone "It's time for dinner."

I pushed myself from under the blankets and off the bed. I made sure my tank top was covering the bandage before wiping away the tear that was replaced. I followed Nia downstairs to the kitchen where Tim and Theodore was,I sat down and pushed my chair in as Nia sat a plate of fried tilapia and straight fries with ketchup on the side in front of me. She gave me a glass of a fizzy clear drink which was more than likely sprite before she sat down next to me,she sort of slammed her plate on the table. Tim and Theo rose their heads up to her whereas I just looked at my plate.

"Are you alright Naomi?"Theodore asked.

Tim sighed. "She is,she's just still upset by her conversation with the boys."

"You were listening in on my phone call?"

"Don't look at me like that,it's only for your protection."

"Noo,it's not. And its the guys,what harm can they bring to me? And if I do recall correctly you made us spend two weeks with them which only came up to one week. But yeah,I am upset from my phone call."

"Aria."

I kept my head down but looked at Naomi through my eyelashes. "Yes."

"Do you enjoy the state your in? Do you like being this helpless rotting human being?"

"Naomi." Theodore said, warningly.

"No,lets ask. Niall said she might be better like this but its never better if the person doesn't approve of it so Aria,do you enjoy being depressed?"

Hearing his name striked something in me and made another tear fall. I didn't answer her.

"What kind of question is that Naomi? No one wants to be depressed."

"Well obviously she does since she's not doing anything to snap out of it!" She turned to face me "Now answer me!"

Theodore stood up and pointed a finger at me. "No Aria don't say anything,Naomi we understand your upset but making her condition worst isn't the solution."

Nia sprung up. "Worst?! That's the deepest depression goes!"

He was yelling now."Actually its not! It's the state of paralyzed depression where she can't even move! And according to her therapist she's heading that way so you with your questions isn't helping her, us or yourself!"

My tears stopped and my head was raised high. How do they know about my next condition before i do? And when were they planning on telling me,if they were even planning on saying anything. Timothy was glaring at the both of them before his face went soft and he looked at me. "Ari,can you please go up to your room? I'll come up in a second."

"Yes." I pushed my chair out and went for the steps. I sat down on the foot of my bed and wiped off the already drying tears. Well this is just great. I'm on my way to being paralyzed. Well I guess that's a good thing,since then they won't expect me to eat or participate in my therapy sessions. Or practice with the blue drug I was given.

I could finally sit there and do nothing..maybe even slip away. Forever.

I tried to do it myself recently but something stopped me. I felt like I had no place in the world anymore,I saw the pain I was causing Timothy and Theodore and I sometimes over heard Nia's conversations on the phone. They're going through something because of me and none of them said it but I know that they would he better off without me. I mean,I'm 20. Tim and Theo served their purpose as guardians and Naomi served hers as the older sister,telling me right from wrong.

I shouldn't even still be living with them. I'm old enough to get my own place,how is moving out and dying not the same thing? Last Thursday,the 20th is when I tried. The day was beautiful. I cried extra hard that day about everything that happened that I actually started shaking,the feeling of grief became to much to bear so I went in my bathroom. And locked the door.

When I first became depressed they took everything sharp out the room and even swapped out the mirror for a plastic one,not that I used it in the first place. I pulled back the shower curtain and found a pompous stone then I stood back up and when I turned my face away from the mirror I smash the stone and plastic together cracking the mirror.

A couple pieces fell in the sink below and one was pointy enough.

Big enough.

Sharp enough.

Then I made a bath full of warm water. When I removed all my clothes and put them in the hamper I clamped my hand around one of the pieces before sitting in the no longer running water,in all the years I've been a hacker you google sorts of things like how to interrogate someone which ends up leading you to other searches.

I splashed my face with the water to remove any traces of tears before I pressed the somewhat blade on the front of my right foot. I searched things and came upon a true story of a woman who killed herself by sliting the veins on the top of her two feet and her main vein on her wrist. It said that she indulged alot of pain by doing so and it wasn't a quick death.

So that what I did.

I cut the veins on my feet and watched the water slowly cloud with blood that seemed to look a bit brighter than usual. I had the blade on my wrist with my eyes closed and was about to glide it along when I was suddenly stopped. A voice slithered into my right ear and spoke about knowing how much pain I was in and knowing what I went through since the death of my parents. My thoughts were disturbed by a knocking and entering by Timothy.

He walked through the small space he gave himself and strolled across the room to where I sat. He sat down next to me, "I'm sorry about Nia's behavior tonight and what her and Theodore told you."

I rose my head up to look at him and nodded my head.

"We we're gonna tell you,we were just looking for the right time. And when we found out that you may slip into that state us and Sarah (the therapist) have been doing everything to stop that from happening."

Which he forgot to mention but that means doubling the pills I take every morning and afternoon. My face was unable to raise the corners of my mouth so I just nodded again and created a silence between us,for a bit.

"Okay well,get some sleep and we'll wake you up for breakfast."

Which is code for my first dose. I nodded. "Yes."

He smugly smiled. He leaned towards me,kissed my temple then stood up. "Goodnight Aria."

"Goodnight."

As he left I walked over to the top of my bed and turned off the lights. I lied down looking up and thought about what that voice said that made me stop my first attempt on my life.

"I know you miss him. Both of them," it said "But leaving this world isn't gonna make you closer to either one of them... Today's a big day,you know. A day that is going to change your life forever. All your pain is going to go away because of the events that took place today and when you see what I'm talking about,which is soon you will be glad that you didn't press that plastic into your skin. So hold on a little bit longer for you never got your other half. And everybody deserves theirs."

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Till the next episode!?

I will update again on Sunday and I hope that this self harm chapter wasn't too much.