Sarcastic comebacks

Read :)

YOU GUYS GOTTA UNDERSTAND MOST OF THESE ARENT EVEN MY COMEBACKS
IF YOU GET OFFENDED DONT HATE ON ME. IM JUST TRYING TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH. IF YOU GET OFFENDED INSTEAD IF HATING, COME TELL ME AND WE WILL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT
STAY AWESOME :))))
THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT PEEPS
------1
Person: You're a slut
Me: and yet I still won't fuck you
------2
Person: you suck
Me: yeah, almost as much as you do on the weekends
------3
It's not even Halloween yet, why are you dressed like a slutty bitch?
------4
Mom: look at that kid over there, he's not misbehaving
Me: maybe he has good parents then.
------5
Them: I don't give a shit!
Me: then you should go see a doctor about your constipation
------6
Man: I want to give myself to you
Me: sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts
------7
Person: I heard you watch porn
Me: yeah, and I think I saw your mom
------8
Them: GAYYYYY!!!
Me: You wish!
------9
Person: I'd rather die then be your friend
Me: prove it
------10
Girl: why do I even bother talking to you people?
Me: if it'll make you feel better, we rarely listen
------11
You heard that? That's the sound of no one caring
------12
Let me count how many ways you can go Fuck yourself
------13
Sometimes I like to lay under the stars and imagine you getting butt raped in jail
------14
You lied and said your were ugly
Your not,
You're hideous
------15
Overweight person: I'm not fat, it just runs in the family
Other person: Bitch please, if anybody ran in your family you wouldn't have this problem
------16
If I wanted an opinion from an asshole I would've farted
------17
Instead of having you your mother should've farted, it'd be more useful
------18
Bully: hey asswipe, I bet you're still a virgin
Asswipe: hey dickbrain, I bet the last time you got any action was when you were busting a shit and your finger slipped through the toilet paper.
------19
Annoying girl: You're ugly
Me: and you're the living proof that abortion should be legal
------20
Great story hun
In which chapter do you shut the fuck up!