Cigarettes, Rebels And Me, #1 ✔

One Shot Winning Entry by ravina_b

Do leave behind your usual amazing comments, beauties!

This is the one shot which won the one shot competition I had conducted a few months ago :) It's written by the amazing ravina_b

Enjoy!

****

Cancer.

The word resonates in my ears, as does the bang of Ethan's front door hitting the frame when it slams shut behind me.

Ethan Andrews is the kind of guy you find once in a blue moon. He doesn't shame me for my past and he understands that I make mistakes. He's the only person I've been with that doesn't make me feel like an easy lay. He makes me feel beautiful and precious, and that's not something you find in every guy walking the streets.

And that is one of the reasons why it pains me that he thinks I won't stick around. Me leaving him would mean that he's not worth the fight, it would mean that he's underestimated the person he is. And there's no way in hell that he's not worth every little battle in my eyes.

The other reason it hurts is that him expecting me to leave him means that his opinion of me is incredibly low. He thinks I'm just going to abandon him and I don't how to come back from that. I'm not sure where our relationship will go from there because he is still, and always will be, my number one. He just doesn't seem to realise it.

Of course, as I power-walk across the street to the local park, I realise that leaving him tonight was a mistake. I've done exactly what he expected me to do -- good old Macy can be relied on to run away and hide her feelings when they actually count. Good old Macy practically threw herself at her boyfriend's brother, and then felt dirty and used and foolish when she realised he didn't want her in any way other than sexually. Good old Macy can't tell Ethan that he's best thing that ever happened to her and she wishes she could take away all his pain because that is what you do when you feel the way I feel about him.

But for some reason, my feet won't turn around and take me back to him. That's okay, though, because even if he was in front of me again, my lips would be sewn shut. That's good old Macy for you.

My boots come into contact with the wood chips littered on the playground floor, the chips making tiny crunches as I trudge onwards towards the swingset.

"Macy?"

I look up into a pair of familiar brown eyes, today questioning my own. I'd been so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I hadn't even noticed Drake sitting on the swings, a bottle of vodka swinging up to his lips every now and then, his trainers shovelling chips into piles as he scrapes them along the ground.

"Hey," I say softly, sitting on the next swing over and pressing my lips into a small smile.

"What's up?" He runs a hand through his messy blond hair as if trying to make it appear a little more presentable, not realising that the scruffy look goes for him, before offering the bottle to me. "Want some?"

I take the bottle gratefully and throw my head back, letting the liquid burn my throat as it slides its way down. It's almost relieving in some way -- maybe by now my body's just used to drinking my problems away. "Ethan and I had a fight. You?"

He sighs before giving a one-shouldered shrug, his eyes focused somewhere in the distance. "Not much really, just in the process of losing the girl I like to my best friend."

My teeth grit at that and I take another swig and hand the bottle back to him. "You like Ella too?"

"How did you--"

"You know, I'm not surprised," I interrupt, turning my attention to the horizon. I realise now why Drake was so focused on it -- it's easier to talk about what you're feeling when you imagine you're talking to yourself. "Ella is one of those naturally beautiful girls, especially with that sweet and innocent personality of hers."