Bad Girl 101 [5SOS AU//completed]

38: "Love or Leave?"

Happy birthday Louis Tomlinson and Happy Christmas eve ;)

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[Luke's POV]

Pride. It destroys the person, even if they say it protects your dignity.

I've always held my pride high. I wasn't the kind who'll stoop down at someone's level in order to get his or her trust and affection.

Yet I realize, it has been my fatal flaw all along. Pride is what keeps me away from the things I really love the most.

I hadn't pursued my love for singing and music because of pride. I thought it was lame, following dreams and the such that are unreachable. I was that afraid of failed assumption.

I risk all my grades because I wanna look cool. And I thought I didn't need an A.

I fail to tell my mom I love her everyday because I think of myself more.

And I... I tend to hate the girl I've always had my attention on. All because of pride.

Come to think of it, when I look back at the past, she always makes me smile. She may piss the hell out of me, but that's what I enjoy. I enjoy it when I know I'm what's bothering her, even if in the bad way.

I say I hate her, but the truth is, I 'wanted' to hate her because I try to deny.

I try to deny she makes me forget all my inhibitions. She wipes away my need to be as perfect as I want to be. She seals the gaping hole inside of me. And best of all, she makes me lower down my defenses and pride.

She takes away my pride. That one thing that limits me from everything.

She's the only girl who I'd be willing to stoop down in any level, or even go up, just to match her level.

And all it took for me to realize was how her pulse felt against my skin when I make circles on her palm. I just realized how bad I wanted to hold her this way.

And that girl is... Dawn Johnson.

Kidding. I was talking about Christina Vonne Hepburn. The girl who hated and loved me at the same time. Just as how I hated and loved her too.

I didn't care about Kirby anymore. He likes her, fuck himself. I just want Tina to myself now.

Which reminds me Dawn is still my girlfriend.

Dawn is kind. She's everything you could ever ask for a perfect girl.

But I don't crave for perfection anymore. All I want is to share my imperfections with someone as broken as I am.

I smile as I look at her. She was really into Kirby and Michael's act. But I can still sense how tense she is with me holding her hand.

I tried to abhor her with the whole week I was with her. I could say 6 over 10 lacks, we're underrated. I mean, we didn't kill each other right?

But then again, they'll never know I'll never hurt her. On purpose, anyway.

"That was an astounding performance, Mr. Benson and Mr. Clifford!" my attention draws back to Mr. Carter, who stirs his hand around the hat again after the class applauded for the two.

Michael punches Kirby's arm, but smiles at him anyway. They both head back to their seats and I can see Ashton and Calum making fun of Mikey. Poor Mikey.