The Angel's Guardian

What is and What Could Have Been

"Just go, Mimi. You'll have to get it over with at some point." Carol urged me to go into the room where almost all of the main cast was.

Today was the release of the new script, well the draft of it anyway. Everyone had gathered at the main recording warehouse to receive their copy as well as discuss any possible changes or suggestions. They all could be heard talking, reading over it and chuckling at a part they found funny. The normal thing for this reality. 

"Just give me a minute." I told Carol.

We were both staying out of view in the shadows of the hall that lead to the room where all the souls we cared about stood. She had been trying to practically shove me through the door since we got here about ten minutes ago. For some reason my feet were just rooted to the ground they stood on.

Carol sighed, "It's gonna be just fine. Sure, there may be a tinge of awkwardness but that will pass before you know it. They love you, whether this universe or the next."

I gave her a small smile, thanking her for the comforting words she was providing me. I managed to take a deep breath and did my best to release all the fears, worries, and anxieties with it. I was about to finally step forward when Carol's hand grabbed my arm, holding me in place.

I huffed and glared at her, "You've been trying to get me to go in since we got here, now you're holding me back? Make up your mind, woman."

A smirk overtook her lips, "Just letting you know that if you need to talk to me or vice versa, call the other in here." 

She tapped her noggin with her pointer finger, letting me know she was referring to the mind link we both have. Remembering that thought did give me a sense of ease. With one last brief moment of hesitation, I held my head high and walked right into the room. There was no turning back now, here goes nothing.

I stepped through the door frame, Carol behind me a few steps, and paused to take it all in. No one had noticed my silent presence just yet, they all were too focused on what was in front of them. It actually took me aback, seeing all of them in the same room and none of them knew anything.

My brother's had no idea they were standing next to the king of hell, or the fact that the script they were reading off of was a tale of things that had actually happened. They knew nothing, remembered nothing, and I needed to change that. The how part of the equation was the hard thing to figure out.

It was Dean's eyes who found me first, I met his wide eyed expression with a teasing smile. He ran his hand through his hair then over his eyes, as if he didn't believe what he was seeing. I let out a small chuckle at his expense. He slowly made his way toward me, none of the other cast member's eyes following his slow movements. 

He pulled me in for a hug and held me there for what felt like a lifetime before speaking, "God, I missed you. I'm so sorry."

I could hear tears threatening to spill from him by his tone. I hugged him back and told him I understood now, when really, I wanted nothing more than to tear him a new one. Let him see how angry I was for him sticking me in that place when I didn't deserve to be there, when all I was doing was trying to protect them. However, I let that go for now. He did what he honestly thought best.

He released me from his hold but kept his hands on my shoulders while looking me over, as if searching for something. Perhaps to see if I was really okay.

"Jensen," I started, the name now sounding foreign to me. "I'm fine, they let me out. It was just stress that caused some sort of weird mental breakdown. I honestly just want to forget it all."

I did not like having to lie to him but there was no other way, unless I wanted back in the nut house. Which was not happening after all the work I put into getting out of that place.