The Angel's Guardian

Saving me (giveaway details)

I stepped out of my closet, after a long day of training and dealing with Crowley's moody ass and I was beat. I slipped on some workout shorts and a sports bra. Recently, I found boxing actually calmed me, it kept away the negative thoughts and blood lust that clouded my mind. For the most part anyway.

Crowley had been trusting me more and more with each passing week. I'm sure soon, and very soon I hope, he would be trusting me enough to let me outside of this place on my own. I had only been outside of here a handful of times, and each time there were no means of escape. Crowley was with me and made me stay by his side the entire time. He would never zap us directly outside or anywhere near the building, just to make sure I still had no idea where we were.

I just knew I needed out of here fast, I could feel myself growing restless. If something didn't come up or an opportunity didn't jump out at me, I would be giving up faster than I wanted to. I was breaking, and the only thing that had been keeping me together were the pictures I kept of Cas, Dean, Sammy, and Bobby under my pillow. 

I walked over to the calendar I had hanging up on the wall above my bed. Taking the red marker I kept attached to it off, I crossed off today's date. I sighed, placing the marker back in its original spot and got off the bed. Five months. I had been here for five long grueling months and I was feeling the separation everyday.

Five months I had gone without the people I loved and I didn't know how much more I could take. I felt like I was cracking more and more each day, and soon I would snap. I just didn't want to see what I would do when that day came, so instead I pushed every feeling away and ignored them, pretending they didn't exist.

I took out my iPod and plugged it into the speaker I had gotten. When Crowley and I went out for material things, it was usually in a large mall in the middle of the night. He let me take whatever I wanted, I only ever took something I couldn't live without. He said no to a laptop, and almost everything else I could think of anyway. He finally let me have an iPod shuffle, the original one that didn't even have a screen. I didn't mind too much, I missed music terribly.

I put on a playlist, paralyzer by finger eleven came on first. I walked over to the punching bag and took my usual stance in front of it. I put up my fists and began taking my anger out on it as I had gotten used to doing the past few months. With each thought, my fists would hit the bag harder and harder. It always left my knuckles bloody and bruised. Much to Crowley's dislike since he wanted me to look good by his side and I guess bloody knuckles weren't good for my image. He didn't say much about them though after he saw how much it helped me to get my anger out.

I had been so frustrated lately, nothing seemed to work or make sense. All I wanted was to go home. I just wanted out of the mess I had put myself in. I was tired of hiding my emotions around no name demons who had even less emotion than I pretended to have. I hated how Crowley had control over me, even if he had grown less annoying to me. 

I hated that I felt like a slave, I hated what he would make me do during training. I hated how when he left his goons took the opportunity to beat me down like an animal because Crowley told me not to harm them, he had no idea that was happening. I'm sure he would have stopped it if he did, but I didn't have the energy to tell him. I felt in some sick way I deserved it. I hadn't noticed the wetness on my cheek till now as I reached up to wipe it off.

It was always a strange feeling, seeing as it had been the second time that year I cried. The first being when I had my breakdown in this same room in what seemed like forever ago. I stopped hitting the bag, and looked at my bloody hands. I could see purple and blue bruises starting to form already, they would be gone in about two days though. I sighed, thinking I should take a shower and try and sleep again. Before I could do so, I heard a familiar flutter and my heart stopped.