The Angel's Guardian

Love Will Tear Us Apart

I stared at the blank space that Castiel had occupied just moments before. But now it was empty, a lot like I was feeling inside. I stared at the space for I don't know how long, willing him to come back, until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned and came face to face with a sad eyed Balthazar.

"He's gone." My voice broke and was harsh as tears threatened my eyes.

"He'll be back, he just needs to cool off. Hey," He made me face him once more and gave me a small smile. "I missed you."

I gave him the best smile I could muster. "I missed you, Bal."

"What did he mean he gave you a chance to return but you didn't?" Gabe's voice spoke through.

I looked to him, he looked mad but like he was trying to control it.

"He wasn't lying. He even opened the door back to earth for me." I looked him straight in the eyes, not lying like I wished I was.

His jaw clenched as he glared at me, "I swear to Dad if you don't have some great explanation on this."

"He said if I went I would be killed on sight, which I would have gladly left it that was the case. But you remember that little detail of being bonded? You know, the one where if I die Castiel falls and becomes a vulnerable human? I may have been selfish for staying, but I wasn't about to be as selfish as it took to leave.

Besides, Lucifer was right. I was- I am a monster. I killed, maimed, so many innocent people. I can still hear their cries for the person they loved most, for God, for angels, hell even for me- a guardian. I am meant to protect the ones who will not or cannot defend themselves, and I can still feel their very flesh under my claws. Seeing as their soul went down to hell to be tortured until they turned into a demon. I don't deserve Cas and I certainly don't deserve any of you."

I looked back up to Gabe, his face had softened as he looked at me with a slight bit of pity. I hated seeing pity, it was all anyone ever showed me if they knew the truth. I wasn't someone to be pitied, I was someone to be hated. Destroyed.

"So yeah, Gabe. I had the opportunity to leave and I didn't. Do you know how many demons would have gone after Cas once he was a human? The man cant even hold a gun facing the right way. I didn't know what else to do, I had the fear of Lucifer burned into me. I didn't know what the right thing to do was, but I knew keeping you all out of danger was my priority. And if I went back, you know what they would have done to me."

My voice didn't sound like my own by the end of it, my breathes had picked up deeply and came out ragged. Small growls made their way out of my throat the more I thought about what just happened. My eyes were black as coal as I thought of Lucifer, he always had a way to ruin things. No being had ever been able to put that kind of fear into me yet he could do it with just being near me. He made Cas hate me, he made me a disgrace to him and my family. He made me into a monster. And he was trying to get to Sammy now.

"What does he want with you?" I asked Sammy, my eyes bore into his.

"It's not really the time, Mimi. You need to calm down." He tried to reason with me as he walked toward me a few steps, holding his hand out.

"Sammy, I'm not a damn child. What does Lucifer want with you?" I growled out, feeling patronized.

"I'm his vessel." Was all he had to say for me to know exactly what he meant.

I didn't know much about the prophecy, but every celestial being had some branded into them and I knew what that meant. Lucifer would fight Michael's vessel through Sammy, and I didn't know whether I wanted him to win or lose.