Chapter 37: Baby Steps and Morning Glory

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A/N: just a quick thank you to everyone who reads, votes and comments, I love you all for it! Also, my updates will be a little bit slower as I'm no longer on holidays and I'm back at work and uni...I'm aiming for once a week! xo


Beth's POV

I'm so conflicted.

I let Harry pull me to him and although I welcome the familiar warmth and smell of him as he holds me close it goes against my normal reaction.

I bury my head into his chest, my head down so I'm not looking at him.

I don't want to look at him.

I want to push him away as he continues to whisper how sorry he is.

It's not that I don't doubt his apologies, I can hear it in his voice and feel it in the way he's holding me.

I hate being held when I'm upset and honestly, I can't put it into words exactly.

It's like...

I feel suffocated.

I don't need it.

I don't want it.

What I want is to be left alone.

And that's what Heath would do.

He'd walk away because he knew that's what I wanted.

He never questioned it.

I realise now that Harry doesn't want to walk away even if I tell him to or if I pull away.

He's choosing to stay.

That's the part of me that wants to push him away because that's what I do.

But now there's this tiny part that wants to cling to him and never let go.

It's so unlike me and I hate myself for it.

It terrifies me.

I feel Harry's hand start to move up and down my back in a soothing motion and I suddenly realise how tired I really am.

Emotionally more than physically.

Harry's hand moves from my back and up to cradle the side of my head, holding me against him.

"You should probably go to bed now love," he says quietly, "I can help finish cleaning up in the morning, I mean, if you want me to stay."

Do I?

Do I want him to stay?

Yeah, I think I do.

I pull away and nod silently, still not looking up at him.

"Okay," I whisper.

I can literally see the relief flood through his body as it relaxes.

I slowly walk towards the stairs and I hear Harry lock the front door and turn off the lights.

I'm not even at the top before he manages to be right behind me.

I check in on the kids and see that they're asleep before I close their door quietly.

Harry is ahead of me at the doorway to my bedroom but doesn't walk in until I do first, then he follows me from behind and shuts the door.

I suddenly feel self-conscious about getting undressed, which is pretty ridiculous considering what transpired between us this morning.

Harry gently touches my back and goes into the bathroom and closes the door.

I start flinging my clothes off quickly, like a woman who doesn't want the bloke she's with to see her naked.

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