FAITH (Martin Garrix)✔️

3

Sitting in the car back home watching the white lines on the road pass by in a blur. Looking out in to the dark night and just letting the music take me to another world.

Alex is humming along quietly to the song that's playing on the radio, he is keeping his eyes on the road while we're moving faster than what's allowed.

It took us about 50 minutes to get out from Tele2 Arena and now here we are on our way home. We basically just got out from Stockholm and it's so weird how fast all the cars and people disappear, now we're alone on the road.

I take out my Gold Iphone 6s and open up the twitter app, I have quite the following on there... but it's only because I follow loads of people and I just like feeling like I matter for once. Twitter have always been the only place where I feel like I get the most likes and retweets...

It's weird how people always say likes is just a number, and sure it is but it's also people behind those likes... it's almost as if you feel less important if you don't get as many likes as those pretty girls.

I have tried not to feel this way, I have tried to not let it bother me but when I was 15 things just got too much and I was never as pretty as those other girls... I never got as many likes as they did...

I still don't.

But now here I am barely 18 and those ghosts from my past still hunts me. Those girls I haven't seen or talked to in years still makes me feel like I'm not good enough. I know people always say "But just unfollow them and you won't feel that way" But it isn't that easy.

I use the fact that I want to see what they're up to as a cover up... I guess the real reason is that I want to see if their lives still seem as perfect as they did back then... and they do.

They all seem to be settling down to find their place in life.... And here I am not even thinking about my future just living in the now and feeling like I'm wasting my life.

I shake my head a little because my thoughts often get carried away when I start to think. I look down on my twitter and decide to look up this Martin dude, I think it wouldn't hurt to follow him... right?

"Oh god I love this song!" Alex say and turn the volume up on the radio, the tones from Love yourself start surround me in the car and I can't help but smile when Alex sing along to the song. I look back from Alex to my phone and search Martin Garrix.

@MartinGarrix: Hi green eyes

He's last tweet was tweeted just after the show and I can't stop looking at it... is he talking about me?

I don't want to think too much about it so I decide to put my phone down and just look at the road. I sit in silence while Alex keeps singing along to literally ever single song on the radio.

There is something so calming about rolling down the road and only being able to see what the headlights allow you to. It's like the future, you can't know what's behind the things the headlights let you see... you can imagine but sometimes things doesn't work out the way you imagine it to.

It's weird how the world works, how we all think we decide our future, how we all think we are the one in charge of our own lives. But in reality we can't do shit. We just believe we got the wheel so we won't freak out.

We plan our lives but we don't know what's going to happen... we might all die tomorrow.

My brain is such a scary place and sometimes I scare myself so much with my own thoughts that I can't fall asleep. I literally freak out in the middle of the night about something I can't do something about.

I think the scary part about life is that we can't do anything, we're like characters in books, we all have a story written and you don't know how it's going to end until you have read it all and the book is over.

You don't know the ending until it happens.

But we're not like books, we are not a story that when we get bored we can start over with. Most of us won't be remembered in a few years if we died now. We will just disappear and then nothing will happen. Everyone will go on with their lives eventually and forget about it.

"Hey let your brain rest a little" Alex says with a laugh and put his hand on my knee, I look down on it and take it in mine. Alex is literally one of the few people who knows what a mess my mind is.

He is also one of the few people who doesn't make me feel small and insecure.

I'm not strong, I'm not confident... I just put up a wall when I feel like someone is above me, I put up a wall so they won't see that I feel like I'm less worth than they are.

I know I'm not... but the feeling is still there in the back of my mind nagging me about how they will always be better than me, always feel more comfortable with themselves than I do...

I put on an act and only let the people see what I let them... just like the headlights only let me see that much of what's going on...

The music in the car stops my mind from running and I just sit there and letting the words surround me, letting the darkness keep me safe from everything that can hurt me.

Don't get too close, it's dark inside, it's where my demons hide.

----------------------

I was not planing for this to go so deep down in to MY mind... But I guess you now know me beter than most people after this chapter.