FAITH (Martin Garrix)✔️

24

Time passes in a blur and the calls and text messages just seems to get fewer and short with time. I don't think that we noticed until the day when we go the whole day without talking to each other. Until today when I go to sleep without a goodnight...

Looking in to the darkness of the room doesn't help the lonely feeling that is growing in my chest, we're busy people with busy lives... but sense when did we become so busy that we can't even send a small goodnight text?

Why didn't I send a goodnight text? Why does it feel like I'll be bothering him with one text? This is not the feeling I'm supposed to have when I'm thinking about texting him.

So I don't and I regret it the next morning because after that it's like we can't even talk, like we don't take the time for each other anymore... I thought that this wouldn't be a problem until we were long down the road... but what if we can't make it through this because it's not supposed to happen this early.

It's soon Christmas and people are happier than ever and really excited for the holidays, while I'm here wondering what he is going to do over the holidays, will he have time to see me? Will I have time to fly there?

I get payed the day before Christmas so maybe I can buy a ticket there and see him?

Waking up and walking around the house like a zombie just feels like something I do a lot lately, it seems like I have lost myself a little.

"Ready to go?" My mom asks me and I pick up my cat Oscar from the floor and look at her, she is all dressed and ready to leave while I look like I haven't left the house in years.

"Just give me a sec" I mumble out and put down the cat again before I walk in to the bathroom and brush my teeth. I'm going shopping with my mom today and I might look like a zombie but truth to be told I don't really care because why would I?

My hair is in a messy bun and I'm wearing a pair of black jeans and an oversized grey sweater. It might not be like super messy but I think it's my face that make me look like I'm half dead.

I look so drained on energy that it's sad, I look like a ghost.

I walk out of the bathroom and follow my mother out to the car where I just sit down and listen to the radio... and when they play in the name of love I can't help but feel a hole in my chest... I can't do this, I need to do something I can't just sit and watch us fall apart just because we're too "busy" to keep in contact.

So I just send a text with 3 small words that can change everything.

To Martijn: I miss you.

I don't get an answer but it says that it's delivered so at least I know that he got it.... But as long as he doesn't leave me on read I'm fine because honestly I don't think I could handle that. I don't think I'm ready for that.

I know it's something that shouldn't be a big deal but like if he leaves me on read it will feel like he doesn't miss me, like he doesn't want us to work out like I do...

Like he don't care if we fall apart.

All my emotions are all over the place and it seems like everything just stop when I get an answer. Like everything around me disappears when my phone gives off the sound that I got a new text.

From Martijn: I'll see you soon love xx

I don't know what it means but it gives me a feeling of happiness, a feeling that makes me feel like we can do this we can work through everything that comes our way. I look at my mom who is sitting and drumming on the steering wheel she is smiling while drumming along to the Panic! At the Disco song that's playing at the moment.

I smile and just enjoy the moment, I enjoy the feeling of happiness that's taking over my body. I feel like my dead body is slowly awakening again... it's weird how someone can make your day better...

It's scary how I lay so much of my happiness on someone else, I know I always say that I'll never be one of those people who need someone else to be happy but truth to be told... I think we all become one of those people when we meet the right person.

When we meet them we kind of start depending on them, like when they feel happy we're happy... I don't think that's something we can decide I just think that's something we do.

You can be strong and independent, but that doesn't mean you have to be that all the time. It's okay to depend on people sometimes...

It's weird how one single text from the right person can change everything for better or for worse, but truth to be told I think no matter what that text would have said I would have been fine.

It's okay to be broken, it's okay to feel sad.... Because it won't last forever, you'll work it out and it will be better... or you'll move on and it will be better.

Life will get better even when you hit rock bottom.

"What's on your mind?" I look at my mom who is smiling beside me, and all I can do is smile back because the truth is I never know what the hell is on my mind, my mind is a dark place and there is no way for me to escape it... so I will just have to learn to live with my demons.

The monsters you were scared of when you were a kid they're real... but they're not under the bed or in the closet anymore... they're in your mind hunting you, looking for your weaknesses and use it against you.

But that's okay, because we just have to learn to live with the monsters in your minds.

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LAST PART OF 2016 PEOPLE!!! I'LL SEE YOU IN 2017!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!