FAITH (Martin Garrix)✔️

30

Sorry.

"Who is he?"

I've never seen Martin like this, he looks so worked up and mad. I don't really understand why he is so mad because he haven't let me explain or even say anything for that matter.

"He's just someone who helped me get a cab on the airport" I say trying not to sound annoyed but truth is I'm frustrated. I've been trying to tell him this for over an hour and he still acts like a jealous boyfriend. I don't know what I did wrong by accepting a cab when I wouldn't have been able to get one on my own.

I will just never understand what the big deal is, or why he is so worked up about it.

"Yeah sure Hannah and you expect me to believe that?" He say and I can hear that he doesn't believe me, like what? Why does he think I'm lying? Would I lie to him?

"Are you saying you think I'm standing here lying right to your face?" I say and look at him angrily. This wasn't how I expected it to be when I got here. This wasn't how the start of my summer was supposed to go.

I thought after been far away from each other for so long and being able to keep everything together for months that we trusted each other... but apparently not.

"Well do you expect me to believe that you have been just sitting around waiting to get here from Sweden? It's been months Hannah do you expect me to think you haven't found someone else?" He has that tone in his voice that is saying something that he isn't.

I feel the words hit me straight in my heart, I didn't expect that. Not from him.

"Have you?" I hear on my own voice how close i am to breaking down, I never thought that someone would have that power over me, I never thought I would be that one person who would allow someone to get so close that they can break you just with a few words.

His silence tells me everything and I hate it, but still I just need to hear it to know that I'm right, because when he doesn't say it out loud it's still a chance that it didn't happen...

Or more like it's still a part of me that can believe it didn't happen... even if everything is screaming it did.

"It wasn't sex or anything" he say and his voice is fading while he say it, he tries just as hard as me too hold it together.

I don't want to know but at the same time it's killing me not knowing, it's killing me knowing he did something but not what...

It's breaking me from the inside out, like my body is falling a part but the shell tries to not show it.

"It was a mistake, I was so drunk I didn't even remember it till the day after" I don't care.

I don't care if it was a mistake or not, is it really a mistake when you cheat? What count as cheating? What did he do?

"I didn't mean to it just happened and I figured if I didn't tell you you couldn't leave me, I can't bare to lose you Hannah I can't... I need you."

He is crying now and I just want to keep it all in I don't want to show him how he broke me. But he did. He broke me so much that I'm scared that I won't ever be able to get fixed.

I know we have had problems and all but I didn't think he would hurt me that much. It's the only thing he knows that I won't forgive, cheating is the only thing I've ever said I would leave someone I still love for. That and abuse of course but I'm not 100% sure you can love someone who abuse you... but then again cheating could be considered mentally abusing someone.

He is making me question what I feel or no he is making my question my moral what I believe in.

I was always supposed to leave a man who cheated on me... but him. I just can't. I don't know but I know it would break me too much to do it.

"What happened?" I don't want to know the answer but I need to know, I need to know because he broke me and the only way to fix me is for me to know everything otherwise I will walk around questioning it all my life.

"It was just pictures on snapchat. I was so drunk and you were so far away and then she sent pictures and I just answered, I didn't think it was just like I couldn't do anything" he doesn't really make sense but truth is I understand him. I understand what he did.

I don't understand why but I understand what kind of cheating he did.

Does it count as cheating when he didn't touch her? When he didn't DO anything with her?

Where does the line for cheating go? I've always said it goes when you do something that you feel like you're betraying your partner. But is it cheating?

Probably.

Do I want to admit it to myself that the person I've learned to love... yes love, did that to me? No.

I don't want to know but I need to know.

"Why?" I just need to know why? Why would he hurt me so?

"I don't know" and there I feel my whole body crumble to pieces. He don't even have an answer to why the only thing I really need to know. The only thing I really want to know.

I think that's what's going to hunt me the most. The questions why that I won't get answer on.

"Why would you hurt me like that?" I break down right there in front of him. I feel how my heart is breaking and I can't stop the tears that's falling.

Right there in the hotel room hundreds of miles from home I feel my whole body just give up. I fall to the floor and trying to hold myself together holding my arms close to me. Trying not to fall apart on the outside because right now I'm falling apart so much on the inside so I'm scared if I let myself go even a little I might drop
out my heart right there on the floor.