FAITH (Martin Garrix)✔️

32

Sorry

She messaged me... she said that if I don't want to talk to her face to face I will forever be unknowingly about the truth. She wants to bring her fiancé the one who got to know after just a couple of days...

I asked if so I could bring Martin too because this kind of have with him to do too... a lot.

She don't want him there because he will "lie" I don't know what they mean by that.

Her friend wrote to me too. That's what's really confusing to me... she sent me screenshots. Screenshots of conversations between them about how she set Martin up because he apparently treated her and her fiancé bad when he didn't want to give them money.

It's such a weird feeling seeing the text between them about how they wanted to ruin our relationship so Martin would pay because he didn't want to give them more money. He shouldn't give people money but he does because he considered them friends... but after a while when friends only contact you when they need money you stop giving them money.

"I need to talk to you" I say after reading through the texts once again, I know about how it happened and now the why's from her side... but what hunts me and probably always will hunt me is the why's I've never will get answered. The once that keeps me up all night.

"What is it love?" He is laying on the couch and playing some video game on the to not really paying that much attention to me at all.

"I think I need to go home."

The silence is suddenly so blunt, all the pain in the air is so obvious that if someone stepped in to the room now they would feel it, the would feel the pain like a dagger right through the heart.

"Why?" That's why... that word is why! I need to figure out what to do before I keep going. I feel trapped like I don't know why I keep going or why I don't end it. I don't know what to do because I haven't had time to think I never just stopped and took a moment to think.

I stay up at night getting no sleep because my mind is a mess and I can't figure it out when he is with me. I will always pick him then, but is that really what I want? Is that really what I need?

"Because I need space to really think... I need to figure out the mess that's is my mind before I do anything else." I look at him and his eyes is filled with tears, I don't want to do this to him but I feel like if I don't I will suffocate myself until the point where I don't know what will happen. I feel like I'm going crazy here!

"Do you love me?" Don't say that, don't try to make me stay, don't.

"Of course I do... I just need to rinse my head of all these sounds that's right now clouding it. There is so many through stuck in my head so I can't sleep I can't eat all I do is think."

I'm breaking I can't live like this, I can't live with my mind eating me alive.

"I don't want you to leave" I can't take it anymore I feel the tears starting to fall, I don't want to leave him but I'm going crazy my mind is tearing me apart and all I just need is some piece and quiet in my own home. I can't travel around and waking up in a different city everyday I just can't handle this now.

"This isn't goodbye Martin it's a see you later."

That was the last thing we said to each other before I left. He didn't talk to me when I packed my stuff or when I stepped in to the taxi... he didn't say goodbye he didn't say see you later... just complete silence.

At home in the comfort of my own bed everything feels different, new and unwelcoming.

Weeks pass without anything, we don't speak or even write, complete radio silence between us. No calls, no text... no anything.

I don't post anything on social medias anymore I try to stay away from them because there he is again... or not him in particular but all the questions about him and us. People notice...

People call me asking about him.. he never called... but then again never did I either, I stopped picking up because I can't handle hearing voices of people worrying about me and about him. I don't know it just feels like what we have... or had or whatever I should say feels more like a distant dream than memories.

I can't even tell if it really happened or not, the only thing that keeps me from going insane about it is the pictures that tells me it happened...

Alex called a couple of times... I didn't pick up. I now 100% know that he is one of the people that I defiantly want to leave in the past. I know I don't need him in my life after everything... he was just a chapter not the whole book.

Maybe Martin was just a chapter of my life too... maybe we will meet again sometime in the future when we both have moved on and just smile at each other... or maybe we won't even recognise each other just be strangers...

Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognise anywhere.

Fitting... I turn down the sound on the song playing in my headphones and look out over the water, the sun is setting and it looks magical, stunning...

I close my eyes and I see his eyes... but they fade... I don't remember all the details I once knew by heart, I don't hear his laugh anymore when someone say something funny...

Little by little he's slipping away.

Sorry for me being a horrible updater

What do you guys think of this part?

Can you understand her or do you guys find her unreasonable?

Tell me all your thought because your comments really motivates me to write!